A Small Problem...?

Question

Ok, so I found out that my dad has cancer. The problem is, I have only known him for about two years and have only met him 3 or 4 times. As I grew up without a dad, I kindof grew really attached. It's so awkward that I have to call him by his first name, but I want to get to know him and tell him how much I care, but I don't know how to do that when I can't even manage to call him "dad." I know that his family treated my mom really badly when they found out that she was pregnant, so they don't really talk and he lives in the other side of the United States. I have the chance to come up to his house for about a week this summer with his girlfriend (emphasis on girlfriend, although I do like her). The question is, how do I break the ice without it being completly awkward?

Oh, and although it is hard to admit it, I'm scared I'll never have the chance to get to know him. He has sergery on Tuesday and although it is a 96% success rate type of cancer, I have to question what would happen if he were part of the 4%.

Thanks guys, you rock! I sent a nice email kindof explaining, and I will try to get to the whole "dad" thing when I am ready. My mom is a great person, I know that she was treated badly, but even though all of that happened (whatever it was) she still opened the line when I got older to get to know him, so I am very greatful to how open my mom is. She really is an amazing person. I love the advice, thank you so much!

Answer 1

call him or send a letter with calling him DAD

Answer 2

It is OK that you can't call him dad. You will do it when you are comfortable doing it. Why not ask him if he wants to be called dad and if he says yes, ask him to remind you when you forget and call him by his first name.

You will be able to break the ice over that week you stay there. Try not to worry about it too much. Just relax.

Very sorry he has cancer but my dad lived a good life for 15 years after he was diagnosed with cancer.

Answer 3

I'm really sorry to hear that, although 96% does sound good. Hope he gets well.

I agree with the other poster saying to write or call him on the phone, calling him dad. You should keep better contact with him, he is your father after all. I don't know how your mom feels about everything, but I would think that however old you are, you are old enough to know if you want him in your life or not, she shouldn't hold that back from you, it's not fair to you. Considering his family treated your mom poorly, hopefully they've gotten over it by now, and can move on and accept that their son has a daughter who wants to be a part of his life.

I would give him a call, maybe tomorrow, or a day or so after his surgery to see how he's feeling and all. It's okay to show your concern for him. If he's unavailable to talk (sleeping, resting up from the surgery) talk to his girlfriend to see how he's doing and all. If you get to know her a little better it'll help you when you go visit. Just let him know that although you two haven't seen each other very much, you'd like to know him better, and since you have the opportunity to visit, as long as he's up to it, you'd like to stay with them. Once you get over the initial shock of being able to call him "dad", I'm sure you'll do fine. He may be shocked too, but I'm sure if he's willing to accept you into his life, he'll be quite pleased that after so long you still want to call him dad.

I'm not going to lie, it's probably going to be strange for both of you. But take the time to get to know him, you might be surprised at how much you are like him. (I only say this because as I've gotten older, I'm only 25 but still... I can see traits in me that are both from my mom and from my dad).

Try not to be nervous, relax and pick up the phone, should he answer you can give a simple "Hi dad, it's me". Or when hanging up the phone, "okay dad, I'll talk to you soon". You know? You'll be fine, just hang in there. :)

Answer 4

Buy a blank greeting card and write this inside:

Dear NAME,

Just wanted you to know I'm thinking about you right now. Cancer is always tough, and even though you've got a great prognosis, I want you to know I'm here for you. Looking forward to seeing you later this summer, Dad, and I'm glad for another chance to get to know you better.

Love,
ME

When you do go visit him later this summer, or if you talk with him on the phone before that, ask him, "Did you get my card?" If yes, then say, "I hope you don't mind that I called you 'Dad.' It just feels good to me." Then take it from there. If he expresses discomfort, simply apologize and promise never to do so again (and don't!).

I hope it works out for you!

Answer 5

Call him Dad. Although him did the badly things in the past, we should go ahead, not always look back. If you forgive him, I think your relations will break the ices and more and more happiness.
Good wishes for your dad!

Answer 6

Just go , open your heart, your dad is dying, forget about the past, there isnt time to 'fix' all that. but after all is said and done, you will have a peace in your heart for doing the right thing, If you dont, at some point , you will regret it.. . As for breaking the ice, your visit alone should do that. go he needs you.

Answer 7

Cancer has a way of changing a way people look at life and those around you. Could be that your dad has the same concern about knowing you...go and spend time with him, let him talk and express himself...you might be surprized at how easy things come for the both of you!
Remember...don't pity...respect!

Answer 8

Sorry to hear about your father's
illness....
My advice would be follow your heart...do what it tells you.
"But" don't wake up some day and say I wish I would have called him Dad when nothing is stopping you now.