this was brought up dinner on friday night. i have always been nice to everyone and am one that would invite someone over for dinner even if i didnt like them. this kindness has gotten me to be used and taken advantaged of. i had someone skip out of paying a months rent and utility bill bc they said they didnt have it and have had other peeps use me for hidden intentions...
the person that said this got me thinking about kindness as a weakness. im not saying it is a weakness for all but for people that dont have too much of a mean streak.
i think kindness can be deceiving too, especially when you like some one.
2007-05-13 15:31:06 · 16 answers · asked by wheels 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
There is definitely something called being "too nice." It's synonymous with letting people walk all over you. It's good to be nice to people, but don't overdo it. If you don't like someone, don't feel like you have to invite them over. It's not being "mean" to do something like this. You have to stand up for yourself and do what makes YOU happy, not just what others expect of you.
An example...I have a friend who kept lending money to this guy, even though he owed her 1000s of dollars already. I think he paid her back eventually, but this is a situation where I would have put my foot down and nipped that in the bud before it got out of hand.
If people see you as a doormat, they WILL use you to wipe their feet.
2007-05-13 15:38:47 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't think kindness is a weakness exactly, but I think naivete can be, and the two are often combined or confused with each other.
For example, giving someone a place to stay until they can get back on their feet is no less kind if you ask them to put in writing that they will not leave you in the lurch legally and financially. It's just good common sense.
Kiki made an excellent point about controlling your kindness.
As far as inviting people over you don't like, you have to realize that in that situation, not inviting them is not UNkind. Kindness doesn't mean everyone's feelings are spared at the cost of your well-being or your own desires. You don't have to offer, or even have, an explanation as to why you didn't invite them. And "because I don't enjoy their company" or "I have had about 8 minutes this week to spend with my husband" or "I've really been looking forward to a bubble bath and a new episode of Lost" all count as valid reasons to withhold an invite, if you feel you need a reason. My sister is one of the kindest people I'm acquainted with, but if I wanted an invite to her home on a Thursday night, or even if I were to call her, she'd kindly inform me that it's not a good night for a visit, or she'd call me back at ten, once ER is over.
2007-05-13 17:14:22 · answer #2 · answered by CrazyChick 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, be kind to all, but have eyes in the back of your head.
It's easy to be kind.
Next time someone asks you for a $100 be KIND and say: "gee I would love to help out but am in a bind now."
As for monthly rent: When someone rents from you, sign a contract ( you and the rentor) that will make them pay each month on a certain date, and if they are 3 days late, you have the right to evict them. Because the paper and signature proves everything even in court.
You can always be kind and pleasant but think with your mind, and make up an excuse: "no hard feelings but....."
2007-05-13 16:02:55 · answer #3 · answered by Born Valentine's Day 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kindness is only a weakness if you let it be. Kindness is more of a strength and a rare one that i admire. There is a difference in sincere kindness and false kindness which is more common. I'm a firm believer in kharma and if someone takes advantage of your sincere kindness then it will come back on them so I wouldn't worry about people calling me a pushoever as long as you know in your heart that you are a genuinely good (nice) person, i would take it as a compliment :)
2007-05-13 17:51:27 · answer #4 · answered by Amanda G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Basic kindness brings you freedom and power. You have no regrets and no what ifs if you are kind to people. Make it a way of life and you will always know you are making the right decision.
It really is not kindness to invite people to dinner whom you do not like. You don't enjoy it and they may pick up on it. Letting people take advantage of you and being kind is two different things.
2007-05-13 16:10:28 · answer #5 · answered by Patti C 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Being ABLE to be kind even when you dont want to be is a strength. Not being able to CONTROL being kind even when you dont want to be is a weakness.
You have to stick up for yourself. You have to say "I wont let you put your burdon on me... I'm not your mommy or your daddy."
Dont be everybody's crutch. When you are someone's crutch, make sure you point them in the forward direction and let it be known they cannot rest their burdon entirely on you alone. They need to pull from multiple sources.
Also, learn to say NO. Do Not feel that it is necessary to explain yourself when you do say no. Other people do it all the time. Why not you??
Do Not allow people to treat you as a door mat.
Do Not invite people over when you do not like them. You're just setting yourself up for an unpleasant night at the very least...you're also putting yourself in a position to be used by the person you dislike.
2007-05-13 15:55:11 · answer #6 · answered by Just Jane 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Kindness is a strength, not a weakness. Wisdom helps too, to differentiate between the people who are good, and not so good. To help. There is kindness, and then there is being walked on. Wisdom is what helps keep being kind, without being stepped on. I hope this helps you. Take care.
2007-05-13 15:42:38 · answer #7 · answered by SAK 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, kindness is a weakness. If you are kind to animals you have a weakness for them. If you are kind to someone, you have a weakness for them. Kindness may also mean you are not able to say no to someone. That weakness is a weakness of character. You are not strong enough to stand up to someone and say no to them.
2007-05-13 20:23:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In some cases it is a weakness, some people take advantage of people who are kind to them. When you are kind some people could manipulate you in somehow. So just be careful.
2007-05-13 16:01:32 · answer #9 · answered by linda c 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
nice *
[Middle English, foolish, from Old French, from Latin nescius, ignorant, from nescīre, to be ignorant; see nescience.]
These are the Old French and Middle English interpretations. It could be that being nice denotes a higher state of enlightenment and faith when one sees the fruits of a future life optimistically enough that they may share their fruits in this life. Thats what it means to be nice.
If one lacks faith of existence after this world, then niceness could be considered a weakness. Yet, if one is strong in faith their mind can envision beyond the material death, and niceness can be a great way to earn Karmic points.
2007-05-13 15:52:07 · answer #10 · answered by yaknow 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋