I split up with my ex 8 years ago. He was violent towards me for a while but gained access to our son. Over the past few years things have settled and improved & recently we have been on quite good terms.
However, he is very hostile to my partner of 4 years always saying he should "stay away" from his son (its my son too!!!) Every so often he rears his head and makes threats to my partner~ last night they showed up in the pub where my boyfriend drinks & were threatening (no reason for it though)
He has not done enough for an arrest or injunction. What do I do? I am very protective of my partner- he is very special to me & doesnt deserve this treatment from what is essentially a thick yob.
I realise my ex sees him as a threat, but that doesnt excuse his behavour. I have tried to reassure him but he still "flares up"
I know its not all about me, but it makes me feel so anxious and nervy- I pray a lot but need practical advise too...
Thanks
2007-05-13 09:03:14 · 16 answers · asked by verity b 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I`d do everything I could to keep out of his way, and if I saw him I`d make a quick getaway. No point in confrontation with someone like this.
2007-05-13 09:11:12 · answer #1 · answered by *~STEVIE~* *~B~* 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Get your partner to take out a restraining order!
A thought does come to mind you say he has access to your son. I would assume that your son gets on really well with your new partner if he has been around 4 years. I am wondering if your ex is getting jealous because perhaps your son is now of an age where he is saying what you have all been doing as a family and he is showing he really likes your new partner.
There is nothing you can do about that because your son is entitled to his opinion on things and he should be allowed to say what he likes. Perhaps if your new partner is around when your ex collects your son he could stay in the background out of the way, at least this wouldnt inflame the situation. Or change the arrangements so that you can take your son to be collected at a more neutral place. Just so you can have some peace of mind.
Its a shame this sort of thing goes on but I really do think your ex is jealous and all this time later he should be growing up and getting on with his life not affecting yours.
2007-05-13 12:51:11 · answer #2 · answered by BigMomma2 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Happy mother's day first of all. Second taking out a restraining order as someone clearly stated doesn't cost. Unfortunately, it seems that your sons father is threatened by your partner which means he must feel like there's something hes either lacking or hasn't done. My suggestion is have your partner file a complaint against him. You may not be able to file a complaint or charges because if he doesn't actually make threats to you authorities will say that you wont be able to make a complaint or press charges. Be careful....if this continues god forbid....you or your son may get caught in something serious.
2007-05-13 09:19:58 · answer #3 · answered by inquistive275 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! what a narrative. You undesirable guy what have you ever taken on. My first element to declare became the final element which you wrote, a psychotherapist or counselling. might changing his college make any distinction ? you do no longer point out his age. All you're able to do is be the guy and manage him as a youthful guy, do you pass to activities activities collectively? pass men procuring? only the two certainly one of you so as that bonding might happen. Are there any martial arts around or the territorial military for the childrens, my son enjoyed that and the discipline. you're doing properly yet i realize it truly is no longer hassle-free yet now a days in our prudish society pay attention with the hitting. possibly sitting down and having boy time with him. i wish this helps. God bless.x
2016-12-17 11:39:35 · answer #4 · answered by mcdonnell 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a hard one to give advice on if you are not careful you could lose your partner, people will only tolerate so much, and you are right your partner does not deserve this.
Your ex may feel like he could lose his son to this man hence the threats. If you can talk to your ex and if you think it is safe to do so try and get your partner, yourself and ex to meet somewhere public and neutral, try to get your partner to reassure your ex that he would never come between him and his son and your ex needs to understand that all this negativity will only have a bad effect up on his son and that if he continues his son in time will come to resent him. I hope this makes sense to you, best wishes.
2007-05-15 04:38:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I understand your pridicament...I think your ex thought that maybe someday he would get back together with you...since you write that you tried to re-assure him so much... he may believe or was "hopeful" you would be a couple again...upon realizing that you have actuaaly moved on... he is more than likely having trouble handling this situation... you see thru-out these 8 years He was the only "father" figure...now he feels threatened...that I believe is kinda normal...What I think is "ALARMING" is that you "ALLOW" him to treat you new boyfriend like this...another thing that is bothersome to me is that you DO NOT calll your new partner your BOYFRIEND...Are u doing this to get back at your ex? Why are you appeasing him and trying to re-assure him so? Were you the one waiting for him to "FORCE" his way back to your life? Are you ADDICTED to your ex's ways??? Do you think: " Better let my ex treat my new "Partner" that way than me". Any of these q uestions stiking a nerve? Where is your spine and what did your Ex do with it? All I know is that he can "probably have a little say in our sons well being but he "Cnnot" under any circumstances get into MY private LIFE or "Threaten" any one I care for in ANY way! When it comes to our son we can "DISCUSS" it like adults or He can take a HIKE!!!!
2007-05-17 02:11:04 · answer #6 · answered by Hermosa bori 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to be like your x needs anger management. Just make sure your now boyfriend doesn't go to jail. seems as if the ex is still jealous and the boyfriend now is just at the wrong place at the wrong time. If the x walks into a place where you all are, simply walk out the other door. Simple.
2007-05-13 09:12:07 · answer #7 · answered by MOM OF ONE 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would have drug free weekend parties with
afew friends.
Let your friends know if the Ex shows up
he is not to come in, and the Cops might
need to be called if he acts up.
2007-05-13 09:21:41 · answer #8 · answered by elliebear 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This needs to be reported before you end up at the hospital with your partner or at the morgue
2007-05-13 09:41:58 · answer #9 · answered by ~*tigger*~ ** 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
8 years on..he shouldnt be making you anxious & nervous..take an injunction out against him so that he can not interfere with you, your life & that of your partner...dont let him get away with bullying!
2007-05-13 09:46:01 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋