Christian parents, I need your advice?

Question

I have a daughter who is twelve years old. My husband and I recently are separated and going through a divorce, due to his repeated unfaithfulness. The whole thing kind of got out, and everyone at my church knows about what happened, and because of that, my husband has opted not to attend church there anymore.

I think that my daughter is also embarrassed. She has been attending church with a friend for the last three weeks. She says that they have more youth and alot of people from her school attend there, but I feel that part of it is she's ashamed by what her dad did.

I keep trying to talk about it with her, but she gets frustrated and says, "I just want to go to church with (friend's name), okay?!" I don't want her to hold these feelings in, but I don't want to push her.

Should I just let her keep attending church with her friend's family until she's ready to confront her feelings?

For two weeks before that, she claimed to be sick and didn't want to go to church. My husband I have only been separated about two months.

My husband chose to leave. He has cheated several times in the past and I have stood by him. I have upheld my wedding vows. I cannot force him to do the same. Real Christians would not judge their brothers and sisters in such a manner.

Answer 1

I think going to a new church maybe your daughters way of coping with situation. She may be embarassed about the situation but she also may be hurting. Not just hurting for herself but hurting for her mom. Having empathy as most christians do. I would give her some space, I think its great she is still going to church.

Give her a while. Once the dust settles she may be ready to talk. Its a lot for children for their parents to divorce. Its a lot to know that your dad was unfaithful to your mom--and to know your mom is hurting. Add that the entire congregation knows. Its just overwhelming.

She will reach out to you--just pray and give her time.

I also agree that the person who said to serve your man was totally off base and has interpreted the word of God for his own life and understanding.

I hate it when people pervert the Bible. If someone actually believes that is how God intended woman should live then they don't know the Father at all.

God Bless and I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers.

Answer 2

She is not quite ready to open up to you, or she may not realize why she avoiding her home church herself. Forcing her to at this time will only do her harm and cause her to feel frustrated. You need to also let her know that she has nothing to be ashamed of. Going to church with her friends is certainly better than not going at all. Just be glad that she still wants to go to church. The divorce is probably a big blow to her, and she's probably disillusioned about her father. I would hope that your church would rally around you and support you rather than cause you to feel embarrassed. You have nothing to apologize for or to be embarrassed about. You didn't do the cheating. If you continue to feel this way when you attend your church, you might want to switch churches too.

Answer 3

Separation and divorce takes a toll on the children more than it takes on the adults. They could never understand the why's...? You should get a councilor youth pastor or the Pastor at your church to talk to her. I think that you should leave her with her friends for now, but you should not entirely leave her alone. You should meet those friends and see what they are up to, you know what I mean. But definitely do not push her, because you would be doing more harm than good. She is really confused right now and need her peers. She might be seeing you as the guilty party in the whole thing. But I believe in prayer and I know from my past experiences, prayer is the answer. I will be praying for you too. Love, be bless.

Answer 4

Let her go with her friends - definately. This is a shock to her and is her way of pulling back to sort it out. Thank God she still wants to go to church. It doesn't matter what youth group she goes to as long as she is going. I think you would be making a huge mistake by "making her" go back to your church right now. She probably feels uncomfortable and is thinking people are talking etc. She's at that really tender age. As far as your husband leaving the church, I believe that is quite normal and maybe a good thing. Even in church there are gossips and heresayers. You guys don't need that. There have been quite a few couples split in our church and one or the other usually stops attending and goes elsewhere. I hope you can work your marriage out. Every marriage can be saved if both parties want to really work at it. Unless there is abuse or violence or addiction involved that would hurt you or the children. Good luck. God bless. I'll send up a prayer for your family :)

TO: CONCERNED CONSUMER - YOU ARE RUDE, OFF BASE AND TOTALLY WHACKED OUT. BLOW IT OUT YOUR BACKSIDE.

Answer 5

Yes, absolutely, she doesn't want to attend church where everyone knows what her daddy did or that her mom and dad are getting a divorce.
Why not go with her to this other church - maybe once or twice a month? See what the church is teaching, see if it's biblical.
The other thing i would say is talk to your preacher, let him/her know what is going on ~ that she may be feeling uncomfortable due to so many people knowing the details of your divorce.
Going somewhere else may be better for her, rather than being chased away frm God by people with wagging tongues.

Answer 6

Wow.....
I'm so sorry that your marriage has become so insane, perhaps even non-existent. I'm a divorced single parent myself, and I hate to hear these things happen.
If I were faced with this, YES, I would let her go to church with a friend so long as the beliefs of that church didn't cause any problems with her raising. This is too big for her to soak in at once sister, but she'll talk and deal with it when she's ready.
God gives us time to think and to speculate even if He doesn't prefer us too. As the true example of Christ in your daughter's life, give her time and respect her space. Pray to God, lean on Christ's strength, and He will lead you and your daughter's lives together into His safety.

Answer 7

I think you should not hurry with any decision. Divorce is very very hard time in your life and in life of your daughter. You of she can look calm, but your soul is not calm. This state can last for several months, even a year. Since that you and your daughter can make some wrong things, but everybody from your church should understand that you and she need in help and compassion, not in blame. Church cannot be a reason of difficulties in your family, it is a place where you can find you calm. And your daughter also, but with her own way.

Answer 8

Yeah, see with kids though shes just going to church because you wanted her too. Shes not ready to go because she loves and wants to learn about god. Its good that shes going at all. If it gets her there and shes feeling comfortable I would let her. She also may feel embarrassed about you and your husbands business. but don't push and always ask, if she wants to talk about it she let and you. She may not want to talk about it at all.

Answer 9

Well in my opinion if you want her to continue going to church I'd let her go to the one with her friend. She probably is embaressed. Your other choice is that she gets mad at you, she refuses to go and doesn't go. If you want her to continue to believe in god, then let her go and get spirituality there. If you are worried about the church, visit it a couple of times and if it's ok with you, let her go. Of course I'm an Atheist, so what do I know.

Answer 10

Let her know that she's always welcome to come talk to you about anything without judgment. Let her know that you will do anything to help her deal with whatever trouble she's going through (you might even say - just once - "Sweetie would you like to talk to a counselor/therapist about this? If you ever do just say the word and I'll make that happen for you" Sometimes it's easier to talk to a stranger).

That way she knows she has your support and she can talk when she's ready.