Mother Deceased - How to cope?

Question

How do you cope with Mother's Day if your mother is deceased? My mom passed away in 1993 and I still cry and have an awful day every Mother's Day. I don't want to go to her grave and become more depressed, I want to be distracted from the rest of our society's celebration of Mother's Day so it isn't so upsetting.

Sorry for rambling.
Any suggestions?

Answer 1

Have you tried using mothers day as a time to sit with your family and remember those fun and happy times you had together. If you took videos of you with her, replay them and watch them commenting on how silly she looked etc. Go through the album of photos and remember when they were taken, what she said to you about things in life. Remember your mothers teachings to you about everything and anything you can remember. Use mothers day NOT as a time to miss her (she knows you do) but as a time to remember the memories and the good times. Make mothers day HER day to keep her alive in your heart. She will im sure want you to be happy, to remember her and the good times you shared together. Just imagine what she would proberly be saying to you right now, "come on pull yourself together" etc. You know what your mum was like and the kind of things she would say to you if she saw you now, so use those thoughts to help you pull yourself together and be happy. I often (more so this year) think about the time when my mum will leave me. She's not well now as she has cancer. She has recently been treated for bowel cancer but now has it in her Liver. She oftens tells me, she doesn't want me to live the rest of my life in sadness when shes not here. She tells me she will always be with me and i say that to you hun. Your mum will always be with you aslong as you always remember her. We cant avoid certain days unfortuantly, mothers days, Christmas, Birthdays etc. Its something we have to face with every year, but its HOW we face these days that eventually makes it easier for us.

Bless you x

Answer 2

I feel your pain and sorrow from the bottom of my heart! My mother passed away christmas morning of 1999. So not only mothers day but christmas i have to cope as well, i dont know how old you are or were when she passed i was 16,now 24, and the pain never does go away, it sounds awful but i believe the only way now that i handle it is trying not to think about it, it keeps the pain alive if you constantly consume yourself with it, she would want you to be happy as would mine. I went through alot of therapy which helped me mentally but part of my heart will be gone forever. Well today being mothers day i am working 13 hrs today between 2 jobs that will keep me distracted for today. I have a hard time going to my mothers grave as well it hurts to much, everyday it seems like just yesterday. Keeping yourself busy on days like today may help at least to keep you distracted until its over. Very sorry for your loss.

Answer 3

Well I can relate, although I do have an amazing Stepfather, my Dad passed 2 and half yrs ago and on his b-day and such I have a really hard time. If you are ready to do so try to think of the happy times you had with her, man it is a tough one I know. It is not like you can go out cause everything reminds you of Mothers Day. Well I know it is really crappy but it is OK to be upset, hey I have not even got to that stage yet, remembering my dad, I just started talking about him recently about his death, I have not even visited his grave yet. I know I am probably not making things easier, but remember those tears are for good times too. I do not know if you are artistic or not, but making a piece of art or writing things down always helps me, and your friends are always there for you know matter what day it is, they will not mind talking or distracting you. Hey listening to some of your favorite music and dancing helps too. I Hope helped with my gibberish. Ariala

Answer 4

nothing or nobody can bring your mother back... but you can surely make your mother proud of you by doing somethings.. tell me something, if your mother was alive, would you cry all day long and stay depressed? that would have probably ruined her mothers day.. so why are you ruining her mothers day now? a mother's happiness lies in how her children handle their lives and challenges... so show it to your mom.. sure, there's going to be an underlying feeling of sadness in every emotion that you feel today but don't let it consume you... go to a senior center... find out about somebody who's children don't come visit her or has nobody... go give her a gift.. spend a day with her.. take her out... may be you even have an aunt or something who is lonely on this day... if you have anybody in your life that reminds you even remotely of your mother, go and wish that person a happy mothers day... if you are a religious person, there must be some feminine figure in your religion that you can relate to.. just don't let your mother see you depressed and lonely on this day.. this day asks for unconditional love... shower that love on somebody, your kids, your aunt, an acquaintance, a senior citizen, anybody... what matters is that somhow you pass this love on to your mother in the universe... right now you are only passing on depression and loneliness to her.. you definitely should go to her grave with a beautiful bouqet of flowers, may be tell her a nice joke and just walk away... don't stay there for hours until you have sucked every memory that can make your cry...

Answer 5

My Mom passed away 2 years ago, and I know how you feel. I don't like going to my parents grave either so instead I usually make a little shrine of sorts for her with her picture and some her little knick knacks and I light a candle for her. I also have a special memory box that I had put some pictures and jewelry in each year I write her a letter and put it in the box. It helps me, maybe you could try it and see if it will do the same for you. Take Care.

Answer 6

Obviously, you have suffered great loss. To cope with this, I would suggest that on Mother's Day, on her birthday, and any other such days that will trigger your sorrow, you might go to church (if you are of the Christian faith), and that you should avoid exposure to all media, advertising, flowers, and any symbols that are used to celebrate this holiday. For you, it is a time to grieve, not to celebrate. Please know that time will eventually diminish your sorrow, if not heal it entirely.

Immerse yourself in alternative activities other than the celebration of mother's day. Stay at home and relax with a good book, play video games if that's your thing, sleep, have a beer and a shot, or whatever.

My sincere condolences to you, and my best wishes, in your hour of need, for your great loss.

Answer 7

Oh, hon, I'm sorry. I'm going through sort of the same thing in a different way- my mother has dementia, and I'm looking after her. (I don't live with my father and her because there's not enough room) but I do everything else for them. I really really feel for you. I know I'm going to be shattered when I get The Call. What I've been doing to cope with her loss of memory and loss of just about everything, is taking a drive down to the beach and watching the ocean. It's comforting to me in a strange way, and another good idea would be for you to start a grief journal. I've started mine, and it's helping me to get prepared. Bless you.

Answer 8

I would suggest you is that on her every birthday or any occasion when You miss her give some thing in charity to the poor and needy people, try to full fill her dreams that's what all you can do. Your mother has just left her body but she is their to take care of you, she can see you and you may feel her. Mom is mom and even I do miss her . My mother left her body to watch me from Haven on 09 Jan 2002

Answer 9

It's normal to be sad on this day, but you speak of it as if it were just a month or two ago rather than 14 years ago. It sounds like dysfunctional grieving. You may want to see a therapist to help cope with the loss.

Answer 10

Sorry What I have on done on her b/day I took out a note pad an wrote down all things I love about her and all the fun we had together it was sad and fun and funny like the time i run away from home came back midnite to a sand wich and milk found out later she was following me no one in this would will ever love you more than mom ! And we were lucky to have them!