What is proper for a person who is not Catholic when attending a Catholic service?

Question

I am not Catholic but my husband is - although he doesn't practice it (we weren't married in a Catholic church, he doesn't ever go to church, etc.). Normally when I attend a Catholic service such as a wedding, I will not kneel, nor will I participate in Communion.

HOWEVER, my husband's mother just passed away. At the funeral we will be sitting with his entire family who are all Catholics. Is it in someway disrespectful if I don't kneel with the rest of the family? Is it disrespectful if I don't participate in Communion? OR, is it more disrespectul if I did do these things since I'm not Catholic? I don't necessarily want to be the only one left sitting during communion, or the only one sitting when everyone is kneeling nor do I want anyone to be offended because of this. But will people who know I'm not Catholic think it's odd if I do participate?

My husband says just do what feels comfortable. Can anyone help or offer any suggestions? What is proper?

The funeral was yesterday...and I chose not to kneel, and noticed that I wasn't the only family member who wasn't. I did most everything else with the family, except Communion of course, and all went well. But no matter what I did, I'm sure it wasn't noticeable. Everyone's mind was definitely not on what I was doing. So thanks so much for everyone's answers. Made me feel much more comfortable!

Answer 1

Thank you for showing respect by asking. And welcome.

Please:
+ If you feel comfortable then pray and sing with the rest of the congregation.
+ Sit and stand when everyone else does.
+ If you feel comfortable kneeling during the Consecration then do so, otherwise sit.
+ Out of respect do not to receive Communion, according to local custom, and only if you wish, you may approach the altar with their arms crossed over your chest to receive a blessing.

Here is an outline of the Mass:

+ Introductory Rites
. + Entrance (All stand)
. + Greeting
. + Act of Penitence
. + Kyrie Eleison (Latin for "Lord have mercy")
. + Gloria
. + Opening Prayer

+ Liturgy of the Word
. + First Reading - usually from the Old Testament (All sit)
. + Responsorial Psalm
. + Second Reading - usually from a New Testament Epistle
. + Gospel Reading (All stand)
. + Homily (All sit for the sermon)
. + Profession of Faith (the Nicene Creed) (All stand)
. + Prayer of the Faithful (prayers of petition)

+ Liturgy of the Eucharist
. + The Preparation of the Gifts - the bread and wine are brought forward and placed on the altar, our monetary offerings are also collected at this time (All sit)
. + The Prayer over the Offerings (All stand)
. + The Eucharistic Prayer - during this prayer the bread and wine change into the Body and Blood of Christ (Catholics kneel, visitors may kneel or sit)
. + The Lord's Prayer (All stand)
. + The Rite of Peace (We offer each other a sign of peace)
. + The Breaking of the Bread
. + Communion - non-Catholics are requested out of respect not to receive Communion, they may approach the altar with their arms crossed over their chest to receive a blessing (Stand or kneel according to local custom)

+ The Concluding Rites
. + Announcements (All sit)
. + Blessing (All stand)
. + Dismissal
. + Procession

With love in Christ.

Answer 2

You will be welcome to attend the funeral mass and it is perfectly normal and common practice for non-Catholics to be present at funeral services.

There is no need to 'fit in' unless you wish to do so. If your husband hasn't practiced for a long time it is likely he'll not know what to do either. If you'd feel more comfortable doing what everyone else is doing then I'd suggest sitting behind some regular attenders and copying what they do - sometimes relatives sit at the front (which is perfectly natural) but then they are left to look look around every time they hear movement to see what is happening.

Some people cannot kneel so sitting during these periods won't appear as anything out of the ordinary.

If the celebrant is aware of the presence of non-Catholics he may (and should) suggest how you can participate at the time of communion - without receiving the host. It would be disrespectful to receive communion if you do not believe as the church believes.

If he doesn't, and you feel you want to be involved as much as possible, then approach the altar with everyone else who wishes to do so and when it comes to your turn simply cross your hands over your chest (a sign that you do not want to receive the host) and the minister should give you a simple blessing. This can be done by Catholics who feel unprepared to receive communion at a particular time as well.

If you are unsure about doing this talk to a family member who can have a word with the celebrant and all should be arranged to run smoothly. Any celebrant worth his salt will be delighted that you wish to participate as fully as possible.

However, even if you wish to remain as inconspicuous as possible, you will still be welcome in God's house.

Answer 3

I am a Wiccan who also once taught in a Catholic school. I struggled with this question as well. I finally settled on the following:

I did kneel and stand, etc., when everyone else did, so I wouldn't stick out llike a sore thumb.

I did not ever, nor will I ever, cross myself.

I did not participate in Communion. (You will likely find yourself not alone in this. Plus, non-Catholics can't take communion anyway, so don't try to go up and get it!)

During spoken or repeated prayer, I omitted any part of the prayer in which I did not believe. For example, if a prayer intention was "That all abortions be abolished now," the people would respond "we pray to the Lord," but I would remain silent.

Also, in your case remember that the people there are in grief and not likely to care what you do anyway.

Answer 4

First let me tell you the Catholic Church welcome everyone and is not judgmental toward people that are only there to support their Catholic family. I had many non-Catholic friends accompany me to Church for special events. Of course, if you are not Catholic do not go to Communion (it`s a sacrament for us) and you will see that not every body go to communion, a lot of catholics feel they should not go to communion if they need forgiveness for something so you will not be the only one sitting. If you do not want to kneel then just sit when people kneel down, it would be more respectful if you sit so you`re not the center of attention that is all. But like your husband said, do what feels comfortable. I`m sure by now you know we are not the kind of people to impose ourself on others.

Answer 5

A) Unless you are physically incapacitated in some way, it would be polite to stand, sit and kneel with the rest of the congregation.
B) You are not required to join in any of the prayers or responses required of Catholics.
C) You may NOT partake of Communion. Only baptised Catholics are allowed at the altar of God for this Sacrament. It would be unbearably rude of a non-Catholic to so partake, especially as they have no real understanding of what this Sacrament means to Catholics.

Please understand, most people there will be busy with their own grief or whatever else they're feeling. What you do will be of little or no interest to them. It is YOUR comfort and good conscience which must prevail.

Please tell your husband that I grieve for his loss and will pray for the family's healing.

Answer 6

I think that only Catholics are allowed to participate in Communion. And, I believe, only those who have confessed. As for kneeling, do what makes you feel less uncomfortable. Merely being there is a show of respect.

Answer 7

There will most likely be a Catholic funeral Mass. Out of respect for the family and the Blessed Sacrament, please kneel during the Mass. However, since you are not Catholic, please not do receive communion. This is out of respect for the Blessed Sacrament. You can remain kneeling, or you can approach the priest. If you approach him, do so with you arms crossed over your chest or a finger over your lips and he will give you a blessing. Other than that, you should be fine.

God bless.

Answer 8

I sit and stand when the others do. I dont kneel and I don't participate in communion and I remain silent.
The idea is just to be there to show compassion.

Answer 9

You should most probably kneel when the others do, but as far as communion is concerned you can't take part as you aren't a confirmed Catholic.

Answer 10

My dad was a devout Catholic & my mom a non-practicing Jew. When my father died, my maternal grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins came to the funeral. They went through the physical motions of the service and bowed their heads (w/out saying) the prayers....they did not participate in communion....the point is that you are there to honor the person who has passed. If you do everything to just blend and not call attention to your belief differences, you will be fine.....and most importantly, paying respects to your mother-in-law. You are in my thoughts.