My wife and i seperated on somewhat bad terms but we still get together and have sex. Is this a bad thing? I feel like i shouldn't be doing this. But it also feels right, even though we will never get back together...
2007-05-12 23:46:58 · 24 answers · asked by chriswh90 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It could be dangerous. You may have "rules" and regulations for your agreement, but I think having sex with an ex ends badly. Feelings and emotions always get tied up in the physical relationship and someone is bound to get hurt.
I can understand that it feels right, but it's only because you know each other so well, you have a connection with each other, but it may prevent you from moving on and getting involved in another relationship. And you should ask yourself how you might feel if your ex started seeing someone else, and having sex with him. Would you be jealous? See, the feelings and emotions start coming back right?
2007-05-12 23:57:29 · answer #1 · answered by jenarul 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem I see is you already said the two of you are not getting back together but what it does do is keeps you from moving on. This situation can have your ex keeping you on a short leash. If she has sex with you she knows it keeps you from moving on or making any real effort to find someone.
You have to realize you got divorced for a reason. What happens when you do meet someone what does the ex do then? Does she keep her distance or does she do things to ruin things for you by coming by when she pleases. For you and speaking as a man I know right now your enjoying the easy sex you really don't have to do anything the sex is free
but like anything else there will be a cost in the end.
2007-05-13 01:19:02 · answer #2 · answered by miester44 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The best term I ever heard for this was in a question on yahoo answers.....they called it "ex-sex" YOu feel it is right because it is comfortable to you. You know what the partner will do and that the partner knows how to please you.
Ex-sex is very dangerous. Not so much for the man but, how many women do you know that can have sex with the man that they married and loved without falling in love again. It will happen eventually, and then you will be right back where you started from. It's very easy to say let's leave feelings out of it but, women just can't do that.
2007-05-13 02:05:27 · answer #3 · answered by heartwhisperer2000 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be very careful. There is room here for somebody to get hurt - if not you then her. Its great that you still have an attraction for each other, and are 'helping' each other out whilst you both have no other 'helper' but you'd both be better to go find somebody elese to have sex with. Your ex may say she isn't interested in reconciliation but having sex with you is dicing with danger because there is something in a woman that when she has sex with a guy it creates "something"- some kind of tie- somekind of feeling. (i can't explain exactly but all my female friends agree with me), and it will be harder for her to keep her feelings under check compared to if she wasn't sleeping with you.
I know it feels good to both of you, if you decide to take my advise it will be hard, but please could you tell her why you are giving up the sex with her - because otherwise she maybe hurt that you just up and left. I have only my experience as a woman to go on - I learnt the hard way not to combine sex with exes or friends.
2007-05-13 00:18:00 · answer #4 · answered by that girl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Realizing it's hard to overcome the familiarity quotient, . . it's still wrong, . . . on MANY levels.
One of the strongest reasons is that it sends the wrong message that you are still open to an emotional relationship to her (for guys it starts physical and over time becomes emotional/ mental, for women it's emotional and mental that happens to include physical application). It also says that you only value her for the sex you can get. It further undermines any foundation you may have for ending the relationship because you were incompatible. Lastly, it trivializes the value of any legality your had with the marriage.
My suggestion is to stop . . . cold turkey. Put distance between you, . . . both physically and emotionally. Limit your conversations. Limit your exposure to one another in meetings, etc. Limit your time on the phone or conversing. Admit to the mistake, and let her know you see a number of problems with continuing a sexual relationship with her (as I have previously stated).
Good luck. Let us know how you manage to overcome this small, but powerful hurdle in life.
Dave
2007-05-13 00:22:03 · answer #5 · answered by doozers2_39 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Simple rule. If you would have to lie to anyone about it, it's wrong.
Second, if a kid is developed out of a loveless relationship by accident or design, it's wrong. There's none of this "Oh I know she's on the pill" crap.
That being said, if you don't mind treating each other like sex toys and their's no nagging morning "oh crap" reactions then you can do what you want.
2007-05-13 00:03:37 · answer #6 · answered by Michael C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to ask yourself why you broke up in the first place. If you carry on sleeping with each other then you are both never going to move on. What you fall back ion love with her but she don't want that or the other way round. You will be heartbroken again . Good luck
2007-05-12 23:50:45 · answer #7 · answered by Lisa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust your gut. Your intuition is telling you that you "shouldn't be doing this" so stop. Go out, find yourself someone you can have a wonderful relationship with and guilt free sex too.
2007-05-12 23:53:38 · answer #8 · answered by Pinca 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree, why not have unattached sex with someone who you already know and are comfortable with. Better than going off and having a one night stand with a stranger.
2007-05-13 05:01:53 · answer #9 · answered by sarahbear 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are both adults. Maybe that is the part of the marriage that was right. Maybe you just can't get along. Maybe you are safe for each other. Enjoy it.
2007-05-13 01:43:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋