My best friend and her husband have been married for over 12 years so you'd think she'd know what to expect when it comes to him buying gifts for holidays. Every year around any major holiday (Mother's Day, Christmas, Valentine's Day) we all have to put up with her constant remarks/belittling about how horrible (thoughtless) he is at picking gifts for her. She goes on and on about how he can't do anything right and it makes me feel so bad for him. Tonight she basically treated him like he was a child in front of us all. It got to the point where he finally made a mean comment to her but even that didn't stop her from continuing. How do I stop her from doing this? Should I take the initiative around holidays and have him give me money to pick out a gift "from him"? She is a minister's wife so I feel she should know better than to act like this in front of people but I don't know how to gently explain this to her. HELP! I know tomorrow is going to be even worse for him so please help!
2007-05-12 19:44:04 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Tell her how awful her behavior is - and tell her husband about christian domestic discipline. It's totally unacceptable that any christian wife treats her husband like that - and a minister's wife?!? I think they'd both be much happier if the husband took charge and biblical roles were established in their marriage.
2007-05-13 04:55:05 · answer #1 · answered by Kaz 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Belittle her in front of people the next time she starts in on her husband. She needs to made an example out of. How the hell would anybody know what to buy a spouse when they spend their time convincing others they hate you. He will never win her over with the "right" gift. He can only feed her ammunition by doing what anybody would do in his shoes. The fact he buys her anything shows more about him. The fact she belittles him shows a LOT about who she is. She could be completely unaware of this. Embarass her. If you are really her best friend,, she will continue to be if it helps her hate campaign come to an end.
2007-05-12 22:03:29 · answer #2 · answered by ckgene 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have a similiar issue with my husband of 31 years. This started about 15 years ago when he lost his job. It was so bad for a number of years that our son & I would leave stragiht from work on Friday nights and drive 2 1/2 hours to Mothers. We did not return until Monday morning before work. He never yelled at son except a few years during the Christams season. These days it is not as frequent but I can always expect him to explode about something around Xmas and when the grandchildren are over. He loves the grandkids and are great with them when we only have one at a time but when all 3 go places (ages 7,9 & 11) you can be sure he will find something to yell about either at me or them. When it is just the 2 of us, everything is fine and he is very kind, loving and considerate. When we are at parties or groups of people he is always kind and very pleasant. He is friendly and outgoing and people really enjoy his company. I do love him and can not imagine what my life would be like without him. I just do not understand why he has to create such havoc around the grandchildren.
2016-04-01 09:00:55 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could tell her that it bothers you or embarrasses you or makes you feel uncomfortable. If he doesnt stick up for himself in front of people, that's their usual dynamics. However, if you do say something, it will make matters worse for everyone. Just imagine it in your mind...the effects of it.
If you say something to her privately, not outloud you may get better results. but still, some more animosity might follow.
it's a toughie. you want to stick up for the 'underdog' from being bashed by the 'bully'. but in this case, this is husband and wife and after 12 years...theyre still doing their thing.
2007-05-12 19:52:19 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ouch! I completely understand your problem, my stepdaugher does the same thing about her husband. My advice is to completely change the subject whenever she starts complaining about him. If she starts complaining say something like, "Have you seen (Fill-in-the-Blank movie)?.We saw it last night, it was great." Or, "I just finished this really interesting book. I think you'd like it. I'll loan it to you." I think she'll get the hint after a while, and by the way, your're right, she should know better, but no one's perfect. Hope this helps!
2007-05-12 19:54:23 · answer #5 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I struggle with a nearly identical situation...my best friend can't do a single thing right according to his wife. But really, if I jumped in and tried to stop it, I'd only put myself on the outs with them. Grin and bear it, and let them work out the marital dynamics for themselves. Maybe if they solicit your advice, that'd be different. If they don't ask, then don't say a single word about it, unless you want them to distance you.
2007-05-12 19:52:28 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hate to see people treated like that. Have you confronted her in front of everyone? Maybe get your husband to follow suit? I'm not suggesting talking to her privately because it usually doesn't work with people like her. (I know several). I think your idea for picking out gifts for her is terrific.
2007-05-12 19:51:00 · answer #7 · answered by Alice K 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There's only one reason why I'd suggest you picking the gift. And that's that I'm pretty sure she'd belittle him anyway, and it would be funny to see her face when you said 'actually, I picked it for you'.
2007-05-13 16:08:53 · answer #8 · answered by kheserthorpe 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow....why not try telling her that it was really rude of you to do that. Just say...."Ya know, that was note very nice of you to say that. Why did you have to say it like that?" Works for me.....I think instead of getting money from him, why not just suggest things. more proper than otherway around. He's a big boy. He can take care of the battle axe.
2007-05-12 19:57:14 · answer #9 · answered by prouddaddy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with Coleen O. If he cant tell her to stop treating him like this then no one should. This will only make you the bad person and it will also affect your relationship with her. This is not your problem. So, just bear with her.
2007-05-12 20:01:53 · answer #10 · answered by Addu_baba 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋