Ok, I'm a guy and my friend never tells any of his friends if something is bothering him. Everytime we ask, he just says he's tired and didn't get enough sleep. I've talked to him and he's shared a little with me, but not much. I get worried about him because I'm afraid he's going to bottle everything up and its going to overwhelm him one day. It happened to me and I don't want to see him go through that. I've told him multiple times that I'm there for him and that I would like it if he came to me if he needed to talk. I wonder if he just has trouble talking about his feelings. We have a group of about 9 or 10 close knit friends and none of us know him that well. Maybe I'm worrying too much and there's nothing wrong with him, but there are times when it's kind of obvious. He's told me about times where he was upset so he screamed into his pillow. I told him it's better to go to a person, he said he knew that but his pillow works fine. He said he'd come to me next time, but I doubt it.
2007-05-12 19:04:28 · 9 answers · asked by Kendo 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
I go to him with everything and we have been growing closer. In this group of friends we have a couple, including myself, who are the oldest and everyone trusts us with their problems. None of us see therapists because we don't need them, usually after we talk to each other we are content. Screaming into his pillow does work, but I can tell its only temporary. Whenever I talk to him about my problems, I always ask if there is anything bothering him. If he tells me anything, it always seems like he really wants to go on, but he stops and changes the subject abruptly. I've tried telling him that it doesn't matter what his issues are and that I'll never judge him or anything, but as soon as I get half way through explaining he cuts me off and waves it away. I don't mean to push this on him, but I once became suicidal because I bottled things up and handled things the way he does. I know that doesn't mean he'll do the same, but I can't help worrying.
2007-05-12 19:30:25 · update #1
its great knowing you care for your friend. maybe you haven't been including him in some conversations? he mite feel left out either by you guys or his family. try to say to him that you'll be there if he needs anything or maybe tell him one of your secrets, that way he mite gain trust on you. ask him several times more (privately) if there is something going on. i noe u had asked him lots of times. but maybe he just doesnt want everyone to know that he is hurt or weak.
if nothing works, send him to a special doctor that works on the mental health. good luck =D
2007-05-12 19:16:40 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Maybe screaming into his pillow works OK for him. At least as a temporary stress valve. You say that you are a group of 9 or 10 close knit friends - that's a pretty big group. I'm wondering if in that group, the people who confide their troubles don't do it to one or two people usually, not the entire group. He just doesn't feel that close to one or two people to confide in. Which is not unusual if the problems are something a person feels some shame about.
If you are intent on having him share his problems with you, first you at least ought to be a person who shares everything with him about yourself. That takes a leap of fatith and I'll be you don't share every single thing.
You can continue to say that you'll be around if he needs someone to talk to but he may be the kind of person who needs to keep things to himself; otherwise, for the big problems, he would see a therapist. Do people in this group of friends see therapists?
2007-05-12 19:16:17 · answer #2 · answered by kathyw 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You obviously know who this is. Look, this is my psychologist coming out. Totally unbiased.
From experience, I know revealing to people your problems seems a weakness. In most cases of guys, they don't want to lose the air of superiority, etc. Male pride, etc.
You said you push him...that's not good. You need to give him space or he'll never come to you. He knows already that he can come to you, that’s why he waves you off. If he had something serious, we both know he would come to one of us. But I know he has nothing serious going on in his life right now. I kinda looked at his journal--I'm doing it for you, so you don't worry. Believe me, when it comes time, he'll open up to you!
Take a step back and look at it from his pov. He's young and innocent when it comes to problems of your caliber. You could always handle large and complex because you had to go through it with Kimmi. You had to. He didn't. He could be overwhelmed. Leave him be and take it slow. Still continue to talk to him about your problems. You're smart: watch him. When you talk to him about your problems watch what he does. See how he reacts. Do what I do to you, reverse the PAL session and make him talk, without him knowing it.
What I've concluded from what I heard about your PAL sessions is that he isn't mature enough and you can't keep him on task. You both need to take it seriously. You need to direct the session.
I wrote a lot. There’s my opinion(s). That’s just a couple, but I don't feel like writing more and getting in depth.
I love you.
2007-05-13 15:15:44 · answer #3 · answered by Andra Blitz 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It takes time to regain trust. It seems as though your friend wasnt exactly nice ot you. Talk with her alone and tell her what you feel. Over time after there are ore opportunities for her to prove herself, you should regain the trust. Best of luck.
2016-04-01 08:58:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't get trust,you earn it.But it also depends on a person.I am trying to get my husband to open up to me for 13 years now.Just like you said he does sometimes,but very little.He is very privet person and it doesn't come out easily.I wish i had a better answer for you,but i am dealing with a same kind of peoblem here.
2007-05-12 19:12:34 · answer #5 · answered by avavu 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok the first guy was right. If your friend doesn't want to open up yet give him sometime. I'm sure he will come out of his little shell.
2007-05-12 19:28:50 · answer #6 · answered by Smarty Pants 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You open up to him.. it'll make it easier
and more comfortable for him to then share
his feelings and talk to you about stuff. I had the
exact same problem and now me and my friend
tell each other everything. Its also stregthened our relationship too.
Hope it wrks x
2007-05-12 19:09:22 · answer #7 · answered by mariah 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your friend doesn't want your help why push it on him?
2007-05-12 19:07:31 · answer #8 · answered by luckford2004 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes....communicate more......listen to him and give him more time, space n attention!...........on top of all be optimistic
2007-05-13 05:19:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋