i have been with him for 4 years and he's been to Iraq 2 and he was still mean to me but he started hurting me and putting me down an dhe still does it and i don't know what to do i love him but i just don't wan tot be with him anymore, sometimes i do but then i dont, if i dont give him what he wants he calls me names and pushes me and hurts me, we dont have any kids thank god!!! and now he tells me that he wants to get me pregnant s o were together forever, he told me that even though he's hurt me that it doesn't matter because no one will believe me and everyone all ready knows and everyone keeps telling me not to give up, i dont know what to do, he lies so much too and gamlbes and drinks, i feel like im in hell i dont know what to do, i am so drepressed. what do i do....
2007-05-12 17:06:51 · 18 answers · asked by ARCE 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
did you stop to think for one second that perhaps having to be in Iraq might have had an effect on him???????????? do you not have one ounce of empathy? compassion???
2007-05-12 17:10:35 · answer #1 · answered by abc 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
the most hurtful thing u can do to him is leave and never look back no phone call no nothing never answer his calls or even the door for him. run to where your parents are. he;s never going to change. he's never going to get better but worse and that threat with hitting. he will one day then what? then it gets worse. he already thinks hes got you. you need to show him he doesnt. if hes like that after 5 months pity in a year. if you dont get out soon. you will be afraid to later because he's going to start abusing u mentally first. to where u believ u dont deseve anybody any better and make you think u cant get anyone any better. then hes got you right where he wants you. u deserve a lot better than that. you are a good person. dont let this brute wear you down. good luck and best wishes i hope you have the strenght to leave.
2016-05-17 04:39:56 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the most important thing is that you listen to your gut instinct. And judging by your question and comments, you know what that is. No one, I mean absolutely no one deserves to be abused. There is no excuse. The fact that he has spent time in Iraq is irrelevant. That does not give him the right to abuse his spouse. He is still a human being and if you are the one he truly loves, he should be treating you with love and respect. You should be his place to be safe and comfortable. The bottom line is, you can't listen to what other people in your family tell you to do. As you get older, you quickly figure out that you are responsible for your own happiness and no one can fully understand what you're going through behind closed doors.
I went through a 14 year abusive marriage myself and it was not fun. It was unpredictible and I never knew what what going to set him off. That's no way to live. My mother was also unsympathetic to my plight. If fact, she thought I was lying about it when I finally told her what was going on. (I had never mentioned it over the years) She didn't actually believe me until my husband told her what he had been doing. Let me tell you, that was not fun. It's not fun to doubt yourself because of what other people tell you.
Ultimately, I made the right decision for myself by getting out. It was very difficult but I knew in my gut that I was tired. I was tired of dealing with it and tired of the unpredictable nature of his moods. Eventually everyone adjusted to my decision and everything ended up for the best. I met and married my new husband and he loves me unconditionally, 100% of the time. It's a really nice feeling.
The bottom line is, do what you feel is right in your gut. Your own instincts will not steer you wrong.
2007-05-12 17:31:04 · answer #3 · answered by Tanya K 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know I really don't understand why guys just cant be more thankful that there are some very nice women out there who keep up with there trash talking. I'm in the same situation as you are sweetie the only difference is that my husband and I have a 2 year old daughter. My best advice to you would be to leave him for a while let him have time to himself and realize that he can change and make a difference to you. Having kids with him will not make them change. Hell half of the time they are even more immature. You don't have to give up on your marriage. At least I haven't I have kept up with everything because i want him to be around my daughter while he can but half of the time Idk weather I'm just hurting her even more...Good luck in your decision.
2007-05-12 17:30:42 · answer #4 · answered by M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You feel like you are in hell because all the signs are pointing to hell. Read your question and ask yourself what you would tell your best friend if it was HER question! You know the answer. You fele sorry for the guy because he's been to Iraq and has seen "God knows what" but you need to talk to the military chaplain FAST. Getting pregnant is wrong, wrong, wrong. Your life is not stable enough for a child and you need to get better emotionally too. Divorce is horrible but a messed up marriage full of deceit, gambling, depression, abuse, insecurity is a lot worse.
2007-05-12 17:12:36 · answer #5 · answered by Wifeforlife 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to leave sweetie, this guy sounds very dangerous and his behaviour may escalate. That is something you don't want to happen. If he loved you he would not treat you this way. He needs help as he has a very serious problem. I know you love him, but sweetie, you deserve so much better. Be strong surround yourself with a very good support group and leave asap. Don't falter to the weakness of going back because you miss him or with the blindness thinking he will change. He could really hurt you. Baby is a NO NO, good girl for having that opinion too. Good luck girl and lean on friends and family for as long as you need to get over this. Its gonna hurt yes and its gonna be hard too, but the longer you stay with this guy, the longer you are letting yourself miss the happiness you truly deserve. :)
2007-05-12 17:16:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Leave him. Get a good lawyer, and if you don't have one, get a job. But leave. There's so much to enjoy about life if you don't have to be afraid of an abusive man.
Oh, and you know if he's hurting you. So what if no one else believes it?
2007-05-12 17:11:42 · answer #7 · answered by kiwi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you're writing this, obviously you know what you have to do. Get away from him now, even if you have to live in a women's shelter, and start divorce proceedings. Get help for you depression -- you shouldn't feel your alone. Do not get pregant by this man -- that would be a serious mistake.
2007-05-12 17:12:21 · answer #8 · answered by Stephen L 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you feel like this then it's time to end it...He sounds controlling and these type of men only get worse..If he calls you names and pushes you around, it's only just beginning. It will get worse, leave now, go to a friend, family member, wherever you can but get out..Good Luck..
2007-05-12 17:15:51 · answer #9 · answered by Innisfil g 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
go ahead and get out now while you dont have any children. If you have children with this man, they could pick up the same behavior and could possibly be as mean to their spouses. If it has'nt gotten better by now, it wont ever get better.
Leave now.
Good luck
2007-05-12 17:12:14 · answer #10 · answered by patti p 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Wow....well have you ever tried counseling? Or would he not do that???? Right now...the last thing you want to do is get pregnant..sounds like entrapment even tho you are married. He definitely needs a lot of help...and if he isnt willing to get that help...i would definitely think of moving on..and finding a normal life. Please try and help him first...but he has to WANT to be helped also. Good luck.!!!!!
2007-05-12 17:12:18 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋