I love oak trees
today feels like suicide,
cyanide and cigarettes.
simple wishes,
and silly regrets.
heavy heartbeats,
and lonely rhythms,
here inside this prison.
today feels like an oak tree
rough and rooted deep.
old tired face,
no true knowledge of its place.
stretching towards hell,
reaching words heaven,
equally torn, deeply forlorn.
tomorrow feels like monotony,
more same than change.
more hurt than there ought to be.
yesterday feels like
a dream,
yesterday feels like scars and screams,
superficial thoughts and steam.
anyone have any thoughts or advice on this poem?
2007-05-12 17:03:33 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
I live in a world of oak trees, many different ones, tired ones, young ones, Pygmy oaks,, giant oaks, but the soul of the oak tree is right there in your poem, they have such a fight for survival, the way they twist and turn, yet they have outlived most species that have used them for shelter, many lives that have perched upon their branches.
The predators that seek the high ground and perch out of sight, swooping down to deal death to the little creatures that feed on the nuts below.
The poison oak that hides amongst the leaves that have fallen.
Time seems to go on too long playing the same song, deafening the ears with every beat.
so, wonderful poem, I hope that cheers you up a bit, but get back to this dark side and write more brilliance, I am usually too happy, so this gives my dark side a bit of wanderment.
2007-05-13 01:35:11 · answer #1 · answered by jason.rowebot 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think this is a very sad poem. It is written beautifully and very much like a professional. I think that if you feel this way, then it is a tragedy and that is what poetry is about. You did a very good job, and if you are contemplating suicide please don't do it. I don't know who you are as a person but someone loves you. Even if they don't always show it. Don't put them through the pain of having to bury you. But I know how you feel and you connected with someone through poetry and that is what a true poet does. VERY GOOD!
2007-05-12 17:09:10 · answer #2 · answered by Some Souls Only Know One Speed 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i write myself..... and write music and song's and have for about 17 years, i like your ideals in your poem very well though out , but for me a little too blunt, and not giving the reader any room to visulize on ther own, and slightly tacky in places, "sory but you want honest," i don't like the title "i love oak tree's"....... i don't like today feel's like an oak tree......i feel it should say.... today is an oak tree, and it was like you were trying to hard to make it ryme near the end with scars and screams and thoughts and steam.( but i don't feel that it's a bad poem it has a lot of color going on within it to keep it alive.)
2007-05-12 17:30:04 · answer #3 · answered by gothicblack@rogers.com 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How did it feel for you? I just submitted a story to be published. My brother is a published author and says a writer shouldn't write to please the reader but himself. But I know it's hard not to want feedback and of course positive at that. But you will get to a point where others words won't affect you just inspire you with your own. Good job.
2007-05-12 17:47:33 · answer #4 · answered by sweet & sour 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It.s good albeit very mournful. Cheer up and try and write something happy about the Mighty, long-lived Oak, which is has seen everything change but is still here.
2007-05-12 17:10:30 · answer #5 · answered by bilbotheman 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
2 super ideas: one million. What you notice. tell relating to the failings you do, and the place you circulate and enable the reader discover out what form of guy or woman you're based on that. 2. 0.33 guy or woman. Write a pair of woman, and then on the tip write it out to enable the folk comprehend it quite is you interior the poem... That woman you notice is me... ya understand something.
2017-01-09 18:13:53 · answer #6 · answered by josephson 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I WOULD BE frank with you 60% was you face and eyes that said something lik they were speaking and now i know wat
mine blowing awesome why planning to go commercial let me know when you book hits the stands on shootingstars_022 yahoo i will make sure to buy one you don't get such poetery everyday
awesom
2007-05-12 17:19:39 · answer #7 · answered by JASZY 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Great poem, it seems like youi really poured your heart into it. I can feel the sorrow through it. Advice, get happy hun. Lifes too damn short to be sad. Chin up, take care you talented poet.
2007-05-12 17:08:09 · answer #8 · answered by Just keep breathin' 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's beautiful.
But if these are the thoughts on your mind (not that i am foreign to similar thoughts myself), I'm not going to skip the chance to simply remind you that Jesus loves you very much, you are very, very special to Him. And He is always there for you no matter what, and He is the only One who never changes and keeps all His promises. (-=
2007-05-12 17:47:21 · answer #9 · answered by Amber W 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ahh, i can almost taste the angger and bitterness..which is a good thing, mind you....
i think it's good but still feels like its missing something...
love the use of words...a lot of diversity...
all in all...good job...
2007-05-12 18:59:36 · answer #10 · answered by lee anna 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋