If you'd been with a man for 8yrs + living together well over half that time, get along perfectly in every way. He is wonderful loyal faithful and your best friend, he loves you, his parents and family love you BUT he has already been married once and doesn't believe in marriage any more. Would you be content to live out your life w/him unmarried?
2007-05-12 13:39:17 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Actually I've been married twice and am older than him.
2007-05-12 14:23:29 · update #1
there aren't really any religious factors on either of our parts but his parents are mormon and believe in marriage "time and all eternity"
ithink he worries that marriage will change things. But once in a while I wonder if there are other reasons.
2007-05-12 14:31:05 · update #2
Yes one of the things I think about is if something happens to me or him (his x who abandoned their son (lives with us full time last 4 yrs. may collect his SS-that burns me up.
2007-05-12 14:33:54 · update #3
I've been with someone for 8 years... same story, everyone gets along great. We had both been married twice & it didn't really matter, but this past Sept. he asked me to marry him. I was kind of shocked, we never really talked about it. We are getting married next month. Give him time. It's a different situation since it sounds like you've never been married, so maybe point that out to him.
2007-05-12 13:51:35 · answer #1 · answered by texas tornado 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It depends on how important marriage is to you. If it's something that you cannot live without, then you should tell him that. Be honest with him, and let him know that you value marriage and you shouldn't have to pay for the failure of his last marriage. Personally, I would not be content with cohabitation and would leave if he cannot give me the commitment of marriage. However, if you feel that the relationship is working the way it is and marriage is only a formality, then stay together and be happy.
2007-05-12 20:53:32 · answer #2 · answered by Lil Mama 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would not be content, happy or satisfied. If we all retreated after our failures, heartbreak and disappointments then we are still in bondage to our past pain. That is not fully moving forward. The institution of marriage has not become non existent just because he has made the choice not to believe in it. If he believed enough to fall in love with you, make a home with you, share his world, and family with you.. believe in what you both have together and step out on faith and believe again in something that is awesome and a privilege to share with your best friend...
2007-05-12 21:28:18 · answer #3 · answered by Queen VEE 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even though it appears he wants a long term commitment, he just does not want it with you, can I say that any louder? He isn't going to change his mind because you run to him, wet faced, with a bridal magazine. Save face and leave knowing that his need to stay single is a "deal breaker" for you.
You're always going to be only one step in the door with an uncommitted man. When he gets tired of you, all he has to do is shut the door. Don't put up with his sloth like healing (8 years??) Please, don't waste your life clinging to him. "Divorced" men "can't hack it". Take the hint.
8 years, is 7 years too long. Anyone who says anything remotely off about being committed, is not someone who would love to call you his the rest of his life. His inaction's speak louder than "I do". Plus, men don't remarry so they can come and go as they please, and "to hell with what you want".
He is committed to not marrying and the blinders are on.
2007-05-12 21:47:38 · answer #4 · answered by phil 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I may be able to. However it would depend on his reasons for not believing in marriage anymore. I would not stay with him if it was because he doesn't believe anyone could stay together for the rest of their lives. If he just thinks the act of getting married ruins a relationship then I may stay with him.
2007-05-12 20:53:04 · answer #5 · answered by Patti C 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I myself am not so big on marriage, so yes, I'd be content with that; it's just a bunch of papers to me anyway. If everything is fine as is and has been for eight years, what is marriage then? Maybe they'll warm up to the idea eventually, just don't push it on them. He's been hurt, so let his heart mend and maybe things will change.
Good luck.
2007-05-12 20:46:28 · answer #6 · answered by Nada Awad 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can't really say I blame him having been divorced myself. I think I could be perfectly happy living the way you do EXCEPT if we had children. There's no way you can expect him to change for you because he probably won't. All you can do is accept and love him for who he is since it sounds like he's been upfront with you about his views all along. I hope it works out for you because he sounds like a great guy that's just been burned.
2007-05-12 20:52:03 · answer #7 · answered by Georgia Girl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes that is a hard thing to do I know if his religious and thinks its wrong living to gether isnt right either. NOT judging any one I did it my self. I don't know if I would or not. But married or not if its not gonna last there not gonna stay and if your not married it won't cost you. But you to are happy so I guess I'd say yes.
2007-05-12 20:58:35 · answer #8 · answered by lyttledarlin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No! If he isn't willing to take the chance on you then his wonderfulness just got unwonderful! Love is taking a risk. It's stepping out on faith. Perfect love cast out all fear!!! Talk to him because remember marriage is another form of love. We have to love as though we've never been hurt! The past shouldn't hold us back from the future!!!
2007-05-12 20:43:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
NO! For some reason he must be afraid of titles!? If you are burned by one relationship it should give you the ability to appreciate the next and cherish it especially after 8 years!! Please if you are in this situation don't settle...you are worth a real commitment not just playing house.
2007-05-12 20:44:49 · answer #10 · answered by Amorous 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋