My Chicano fiancee is often angry; I am white and sometimes feel it is because I am white. Is this true?

Question

We are both well-educated and come from solid families, but we are also both divorced. He often accuses me of not understanding his position and troubles as a Chicano professional; I try to be sympathetic, but when it seems to lie direct blame on me as a white person, I get unreasonably defensive.

Answer 1

He sounds like he needs anger management. Those with anger problems often blame their weakness on others.

Answer 2

Oh My!!....#1. don,t get married to this person!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;I can only see problems down the road cause there are issues MUST be resolved now. Doubt this??? watch America Most Wanted esp the part where they bring up wife or husband murdered the other partner. I could be wrong but I sincerely don,t want nothing tragic happen to you. You are smart,beautiful,talented and so you CAN do better #2..About him getting angry at you...I AM a Chicano ( I personally perfer being called Hispanic male ) and I will tell you that he has no reason to get mad at you for the wrongs that was done in the past. It seems to me that , I DON,T know what kind of job he does , that he should proud of his present job etc. and letting go of the past pressing forward toward his worthy goals. Personally and I do admit I can be wrong about what I am going to say next but I take him by the ears and have HIM SEE what some of his illegal alien "Chicano brothers and sisters have to do to earn some sort of a human living. He should be grateful for THE BLESSINGS THAT HE already have. Miss.....I am very sorry ( i could be wrong ) for exprssing myself this way but your Chicano fiancee....well thanks for reading my post. I wish you well in your life..Good Luck!!!

Answer 3

Trouble, trouble, trouble ahead!!!! And you think that this is going to change when (and if) you get married? Think again.

Unless you are both willing to go to counseling to try and figure out what the root cause is here, you are both in for difficult days (and maybe another divorce).

You need to find out what the root cause of your fiancee's anger and resentment to you really is. And, if, at the end of the day, your race is a factor - be smart, end the relationship now (think with your head, not your heart). No matter how loving your fiancee appears on the outside, race resentment (of any kind) is a slow, smoldering hate that is more destructive and more corrosive the more it is covered up.

If you don't deal with it now - or move on - it will only get worse and turn into something real, real ugly later on. So deal with it - get conseling if necessary - but talk it out and get it really really resolved. Sticking your head in the sand and pretending it will go away is the worst option you can choose. If you wimp out, you will be miserable for as long as you decide to put up (or your fiancee puts up) with the relationship.

Answer 4

Well, you have an excellent preview of him at his best. He will get worse as time goes on. The Latino men are very domineering and demeaning of their women. My friend married a Latino from Bolivia and he was and is horrible to her. They are both upper class professionals and when she was pregnant with his 3rd child with her, he went and got a hot little secretary of his, age 19, (he was 30) pregnant. He told Rhonda that this hot little large bosomed secretary of his needed him more than she and his three children needed him. The Latino culture treats their women like cattle.
If you marry him, just brace yourself for being treated like garbage for the rest of your life and for being the source of all his problems.

Are you serious!? You think it is unreasonable to get defensive when the man you love love accuses you of racism and bigotry!? He is insecure as most Latino men are. It won't get better, it WILL get worse.

You deserve better. If you don't want a better relationship, stay with him. If you want the best chance for a good relationship, marry within your own culture. It is difficult enough to be in a relationship, it takes work. He demeans you and blames you and accuses you of crazy things. Is this making you happy? Is this what you want? I have seen nothing but heartache in mixed race and mixed culture marriages. I can't think of one that has worked out. The women end up in divorce or they stay miserable and demeaned and downtrodden and abused.

I hope you find strength to walk away from him and give yourself happiness.

Answer 5

As a person that married outside his race (to a Chicana), I'd say the first thing you need to do is stop feeling you have to explain or justify everything because you're white...if he lies direct blame on you as a white person, hell yes you should get defensive (and maybe go on the offensive)...I guarantee if you laid blame on his race, he would be upset as well...this needs to stop!

The second thing you should do (actually both of you) is to try and understand and appreciate your difference in cultures, even laugh about the differences...I think you'd both find excitement and interest in learning about these things...and since you have chosen each other, there should be more acceptance of each other's cultures (not just one culture)...I hope it works out!

Answer 6

This sound like a person that would soon turn to beating you and blaming you for his wrong doings. Please take the time to think about what you are about to do. If he is blaming you now. then he Will only get worst. You can't help what race he was born into. That says allot about himself and self hate. He really have a problem and I would be hurt to see later that he have hurt you because he have problems with your race. Look before you leap.

Answer 7

..get rid of the angry Chicano...what exactly does the word Chicano mean..i know it is Mexican or something ...but what? back to the question...he probley resents you because you are white and smart..he thinks everything is handed to you but he has to fight for respect and power..kick him to the curb and find a man who is not so angry and obviously troubled.. good luck

Answer 8

Before you marry, you must seek counseling. Mixed marriages often fail because the couples have no real understanding of each others background. Sometimes it seems that each is acting responsible for the ills of the other's world. You should not have to be defensive, and he would not be accusing you of not understanding. You need to talk more.

Answer 9

Tell him to chill out you are his wife above everthing else. When he married you, you stoped being white and became his wife. Ask him if he is going to teach his kids that you do'nt have a clue

Answer 10

Maybe he just need to go get some help. He is probably depressed