Can single female be friends with married man?

Question

Over the last few months, I have become really attracted to a male co-worker who I see from time to time at the office.
About a month and a half ago, we started emailing each other a couple of times a day, about random stuff.
It was getting pretty exciting as we have so much in common and I love his personality.
About a month ago he spotted me outside and asked me if I knew he was married.
I had a suspicion, but never asked him about it directly.
Once he told me he was married, I did back off a bit from the emails but we still checked in with each other less often.
Over the last 2 weeks, we have been to lunch together a couple of times and have shared a coffee break for an hour or two after work. Although I would never do anything with him knowing that he is married, is it wrong to hang out with him as a friend? I have told him this and he said he is fine with it.
My friends think I shouldnt even go to lunch with him, but I would really love for us to be friends. Please help!

Answer 1

Yes, they can be friends. The differentiator here is that you are ATTRACTED to him. That's a spoiler.

Why torture yourself by "hanging out with a married fella" unless you think it could turn into something more?

Your friends, I think, are right-thinking - your attraction came before the friendship - you should question your motives.

Every person (married or not) enjoys feeling attractive to the opposite sex - its a harmless ego boost if not carried on with (that's when it can turn into a problem).

Answer 2

Well, I think that it was good that you backed off once you realized he was married...but doesn't he wear a wedding ring? If not, why not? I think that as long as he isn't keeping this from his wife it shouldn't be a problem, but I would tread water carefully because while you say nothing would happen things do. Feelings develop after people are in close proximity with eachother and you said yourself that you have a lot in common. While it may seem innocent, don't be naive either. I think that your contact should be limited and if the shoe were on the other foot would you be happy if your husband was emailing and going out to lunch with another woman? Just be careful and if you find that you or he start to seem a little too involved then I would back away immediately because you may be surprised what things could happen. Just make sure whatever you type or talk about is always with respect for his wife in mind.

Answer 3

Consider this:
You should try to find what you think you have with this married man elsewhere. Look for someone who is available (single). The coffee and lunch thing is crossing a boundary. Also, why get involved with someone that you work with, married or not? Look outside your work situation. If you get into a relationship with a co-worker and later it doesn't work out, will you be able to deal with them being around the office? Things can get awkward.
Have you met his wife?

Answer 4

IT might be ok for a little while,but you do sound as though you are attracted to him,I tried it once,only the female was married in my case,and things eventually started going in the wrong direction.She and her husband would have a fuss,and she'd come running to me,and thats when things started getting screwed up.We both started having "what if"thoughts.I finally called it quits because i did'nt want to be the cause of ruining a marrige.It gets to tempting after a while.

Answer 5

You are attracted to him therefore you cant be just friends. You are playing with fire by spending so much time with him and it will only be time before something will happen between the two of you. Being a friend to someone means not wanting them sexually....not being attracted to them. Being a friend to someone means you want the best for them. This man must know you want more than friendship from him and you are tempting him big time. Yes, he can say no, but it seems to me like if the situation arose, he wouldnt be saying no. If he was trully committed to his wife then he wouldnt be having these extended coffee breaks with you. You need to put a stop to it....not for him....but for you because you will end up getting terribly hurt.

Answer 6

Your friends are right. How would you feel if you were the wife. From the feelings you described you want a lot more than friendship and if you say thats not true then you are lying to everyone including yourself. Back off for good before someone gets hurt!

Answer 7

Marriage is built on trust. Weather or not his wife trust him is not really your concern. If he is having a harmless releationship with you and you both agree that it is not going anywhere sexually I think it is great that you can find excitment in enjoying each others company. Many times it is really hard to find someone to connect with outside of the whole male/female thing. I say congratulations, enjoy the time you spend with each other.

Answer 8

I say no, but then again my husband just had an affair with his single female co worker. So, i'm a bit bitter about that. It always starts out as friends and lo and behold, before ya know, you both got your pants off.

Answer 9

Your friends are right!!! It will only make it harder for the both of you's if you both keep being buds and having lunch together, it might be better to lay low for awhile. Plus he says its alright with him, but what would his wife think? Sounds like he dosen't even consider her feelings, which should make you wonder would he be considerate of yours? Is this what you really want??

Answer 10

Not with my mine.I would have to put and end to it like theres no tommorrow.If you knew my husband he would tell you that I'm not having that s hit.I know what these single females be up to .Cause i'm a women that being enough said!