My partner says that I am 'indiscreet' with others about our relationship - and says that I often say stuff about him that mortifies him. I think I am just being open as I feel that I don't have a lot to be discreet about. Having said that he recently 'almost' had an affair with someone - and I now blame myself for driving him to seek comfort from another woman because of my behaviour. How can I stop myself from acting indiscreetly especially with my close friends?
2007-05-12
12:33:59
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26 answers
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asked by
Buggirl
2
in
Family & Relationships
➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'll give you an example of my 'indiscreet' nature. He doesnt like using toothpaste - as he has this thing about using too many chemicals, (He does brush his teeth well and has no cavities so there is something in it) But recently he suddenly bought some toothpaste and in front of a friend I mentioned why when he doesn't normally use it. Later he told me he was embarrassed as he says most people would think that he's a freak if they knew that about him.
And I have confronted him about the 'almost' affair (and I haven't posted this to discuss the semantics of this) I know that I am really not to blame for HIS behaviour but still I think that maybe my behaviour is deeply affecting him.
2007-05-12
13:03:14 ·
update #1
2 Things;
1. I think us women, tend to "blame" ourselves when our significant others stray. Why does it have to be our fault. I don't agree with that mentally & if he is so ready to break your heart, then he is certainly not worth the spit in your mouth.
2. Certain things are meant to be kept between 2 people. Things of a sexual nature, for example. How would you feel if he talked about very personal things about your sex life? i.e.;the way you orgasm, or that you once smelled. Do you see where I'm getting at? You would be mortified. That's still not excuse for him to cheat. Either you cheat or you don't...there's no such thing as "almost cheating."
Good Luck
2007-05-12 12:41:37
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answer #1
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answered by Mojomoon 2
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I think there are some things that should remain private between partners...try to talking to one another about them, then you may not feel the need to discuss them with others. Also, don't let him use you as an excuse to cheat. If this is the right relationship for both of you, invest some time in going to counseling.
2007-05-12 19:52:09
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answer #2
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answered by Destiny 1
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You can't make somebody cheat. This whole post isn't making sense to me. What are some examples of you being indiscreet? Think class. Audrey Hepburn in one of her better roles. You know.
Update based on additional info: are you serious? So he's telling you that saying somthing about some obsession he has with inorganic chemicals in toothpaste is driving him to cheat? Are you gullible, or what? Why do you put up with this?
2007-05-12 19:46:39
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answer #3
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answered by Anonymous
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Some people are just open. One of my best friends is, and she has definitely provoked the, "OMG DID SHE JUST SAY THAT?!" reaction from quite a few people. But we love her for it. And it stresses her boyfriend out sometimes, but ultimately, it's who she is. We as her friends respect it. It gives us a more open, more HONEST bond.
So look at what he complains about. It might be that he's the wrong guy for you if he can't accept your behavior. But if you say things that accidentally come across as hurtful or damaging, you might just want to try out your next statement in your head before you say it aloud.
2007-05-12 19:41:54
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answer #4
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answered by some girl 3
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He's talking bullshit (I'm a man I know)
If he 'almost' had an affair then it was nothing to do with you being indiscreet, he's using that as an easy excuse.
Tell him to stop being such a big baby and tell him to act like a real man.
EXCUSE ME, why the thumbs down?????
She's going out with a man who is THREATENING in an underhand way to cheat on her. He has real issues with his self esteem. If he doesn't like toothpaste then he should be man enough to accept it publicly. I mean it's only a small thing. He needs help.
2007-05-12 19:37:17
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answer #5
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answered by jojo5050 3
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i can relate.
you could step back a little on the indiscreet but don't be fooled.
he to is wrong because if he loved you he wouldn't have about to cheat he would have worked it out with you or walked away from the relationship like a man.
2007-05-12 19:48:19
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answer #6
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answered by Anonymous
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you should always remember what you tell another they will in turn tell someone and on & on.
I think it is a very good practice not to tell anyone about your very personel self and hisband, boyfriend etc... you have to keep things between your self otherwise it does'nt mean anythiong to you and the other person will also think they do not mean anything to you, if you were more loving towdars him then he would not go elsewhere for someone else.
a good rule to remember is before you speak does what I'm about to say going to hurt this person in any way, an always turn a situation around what if it was you someone was talking about.
2007-05-12 19:44:48
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answer #7
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answered by jeanniep 5
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You have to really listen. Listen to what your partner is saying. Basically he is saying he is in pain when you talk about him that way. So it's a matter of whether or not you respect his wishes enough to stop hurting him. Your behavior says you don't care what he thinks; you're not listening to him. The fact that you don't see the harm in it, is beside the point.
2007-05-12 19:41:12
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answer #8
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answered by Arnold M 4
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You are open and that is you. Around your friends you will be even more open. He should of known that before he tried to be a partner with you. Just ask him to remind you discreetly not to say somethings when you go off to see others.
2007-05-12 19:38:36
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answer #9
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answered by ronnny 7
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Think before you say things. Ask yourself if it might make him upset or uncomfortable. Or ask a really close friend to help you figure out what's safe to tell people and what's not. Basically, don't tell people a lot of personal details. Ask yourself if you would want him telling that same thing about you to a group of friends.
2007-05-12 19:39:06
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answer #10
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answered by Katie 1
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