Help! My married boss told me he's completely fallen for me. I am so confused and don't know what to do.

Question

I've worked for him for a year and a half. We mistakingly kissed one night and since then it's all he can think about. I've told him time after time to ignore it, forget about it, it was a mistake, and that the entire idea is just stupid. He doesn't agree. He put it all on the table and told me that this has never happened to him, he's completely fallen for me, I drive him crazy, and that he feels as though life has thrown him a curve ball. He asked me if I'm interested. Although I somewhat am, I over and over and confidently told him that this is just stupid and to get over it.

Since then, I cannot get his words out of my head. He's the first thought of mine when I wake up and the last at night. I do like him, but I can't tell whether I like him now because he likes me or because of his authoritative role as my boss. This is so hard since i see him every day. I told him this will all go away, but I'm now starting to think it may not.

Please help.

FYI - We "mistakingly" kissed when I was very very drunk. I would not have even known it had happened had he not told me.

Secondly, the question here is not whether I'm going to pursue this, because there is NO question I am NOT doing that. I am more interested in getting advice as to how I should act every day. I am not quitting my job, that is completely unncecessary. He and I are firends and I am going to make sure we get past this; and not by running away from it. Tha'ts weak.

Any advice? Just go back to normal and pretend it never happened, right?

Answer 1

You're playing with fire. He's not leaving his wife and you better start looking for another job.

She finds out, you're toast. If he's cheating on her, he'll cheat on you too. The wife probably owns the business.

Answer 2

The fact that you cant get him out of your mind tells me a lot ,this means you can get hurt very easily .The truth is you have some affections for him and no meter what kind of filings are these ,they -actually YOU will need his attention.If you get close to him there is a risk of you falling in love with him and that is the last thing you need with a married man.It is very little possible that he will leave his wife for you especially if he has kids.And even if he does ,do you want to build your happiness by ruining someones life.Also there is a chance to have something with him and than you realize that he doesn't mean anything to you and it will be hard to end it because he is your boss and you may offend him .So according to me the best advice i can give you is to stay away,don't complicate your life unnecessarily .Our life's are already complicated enough .It may be hard but say to your self ,to your mind and hart i can do this .There are thousands of available gays ,you don't have to get into something that at the very beginning starts with a question mark will be or will be not good to continue it.I wish you luck you are in very hard situation .I will say: sometimes you have to listen to your mind if you want your hart not to be hurt

Answer 3

Let me ask you this, How do you mistakenly kiss a MARRIED man? I've never kissed anyone by mistake.

Okay aside from that you have to pray that God will take away the sinful feelings you have toward this married man. Him being your boss is one of the biggest things you will have to work with. If you turn him down, which you must, he will act funny.
A year ago I was in this situation. I slept with my boss who had fallen for me. I liked him a bit, but I did it because he started paying me more and being more flexible.
But I didn't think about the sin. I didn't think about the wife. I didn't think about the kids. I didn't think about myself or my own self respect.
I am haunted everyday by that. Instead of going with what I knew was right, I went with the moment. I got wrapped up words and looked past facts.
Is that what you want? He hasn't fallen for you. He wants to remain married and get a little sex on the side. You will become his whore. Is that what you deserve?
I hope your answer is no. I'm praying for you!
you may need to look for another job.

Answer 4

He is a pretty stupid man. If he is your boss, this is actually sexual harassment. It is called a "hostile workplace." By law, he can't hit on you like this. Tell him that you are not interested and ignore him. Get any romantic ideas of him out of your head. He probably has had countless affairs over the years and has never left his wife. He likely has kids and a nice home. He has no intention of losing any of that. He just likes to play around and you are next on his list. Be firm about this with him. Keep a log (not on a computer) of these conversations by date and time and conversation. It may come down to him trying to fire you when he doesn't get what he wants. In that case, tell him that you have a list of all the sexual harassment talk by date and time. Tell him you have sent an envelope full to your Grandmother and told her to keep it for you. This man is kind of a preditor. Leave him alone before you get in too deep.

Answer 5

To say that he is the first thing you think of upon waking and the last before going bed, it suggests to me that he is the only man in your life. You need male attention, you are straight and human, but you need to make a strong effort to meet a man who
a. is not married
b. is honest and respects his vows and promises
c. does not have power or authority over you
d. respects your wishes--you have told him to forget it and he won't
e. a man who would not take advantage of someone when they are drunk

Legally, this situation qualifies as sexual harrassment, which is the creation of an unconfortable work environment by using sexual aggression or sexual advances.

Look for a class, some activity you like and get involved and meet people there. The women and men there may help you stop thinking about him so much. One of the men may be free for you to date and the women may know someone.
Hang in there and good luck!

Answer 6

Well, pardon me for calling you a complete and total idiot but you are.
You aren't quitting your job? Hell, yes, you'd better! You're setting yourself up to either have sex with this guy or make the workplace so miserable for both of you that he will either work it out so that you have to leave or he will leave but not before other people in the workplace have gotten wind of the stink emanating from your fliratious nature.
Yes, YOU were drunk. YOU now think it's a turn on that your boss is interested in you. Please, the whole 'I wake up thinking about him' and I go to bed thinking about him' sounds so damned romantic - until you think about all the other matters you could be thinking about at bedtime and when getting up in the morning. You've got your 'I'm in control and look who I'm controlling!' high going on and isn't it a hoot!
What's missing is the discussion about how the rest of your life sucks and this is the best thing that has happened to YOU in a long time.
It wouldn't make sense to go to another job. Wouldn't have that same explosive issue and you'd just be going to work like every anyone else!

Answer 7

Please don't disrespect yourself this way. You need to run not walk. This guy is not taking no for an answer, and is married. If he was that serious, he would show you the divorce papers. This type of guy wants the cake and to eat it too! Start looking for another job, and remember, to go any further with this man is a sign of you disrespecting yourself. You deserve better. Most of your interest is the excitement of the kind words, don't be fooled. Find a new job, and show him you have more respect for yourself, he obviously doesn't understand words, remember actions speak louder than words. Good luck to you, I hope your next job pays more, and I'm sure the benefits will be better than the one your looking at now.

Answer 8

Please know that if he was a good boss he would not be doing this. The fact is sweetie he is using that to his advantage and this is something he has done before. No decent man that is married is going to pursue a woman that works underneath him. It is very degrading how he is using you and his wife. If I were you I would not quit. I would start keeping track of all his comeons. I would even put a wire near my desk to trap his words. Then I would sue him for sexual harassment. He has no right to do this to you at the work place. This is the last place anyone, male or female should be hit on.
Best of luck hun, you are going to need it.

Answer 9

This is not CLOSE to sexual harassment, it IS sexual harassment!

Keep a record of every time he tries to come on to you, and try to get one or more witnesses and/or some evidence that he acted inappropriately towards you.

If you pursue a legal remedy you can subpoena his records, including credit card receipts (if he has ever bought you lunch or dinner, or anything else, using a credit card).

Other responders who are telling you to run are giving you good advice. Run!

You need to see an attorney. They LOVE cases like this one. If you're lucky you may not need another job. You may end up owning the company you're now working for!

Answer 10

Well if you won't quit your job, ask for a transfer to an area where you won't see him as much and where he won't be in a supervisory position over you. If you still want to be with him, think of the fact that if he's willing to cheat on his wife with you, what will happen once he's tired of you as well? Think of doing the right thing for everyone and you can never lose. If you feel as though he's coming on to you too much, tell him that although you love his friendship, sexual harassment in the workplace is illegal. Just remember that it goes both ways. That should cool his rocket for awhile.

Answer 11

What you and him are feeling right now is lust and that giddy feeling. Remember that that feeling does go away after some point AND you will be left to deal with the problems of being with a man that broke of his marriage for you- a person that he might FEEL he wants to be with but doesn't really know you (while he had love and support from the woman he married and his life would be hell going through a divorce and telling his wife and maybe kids?)... He will never forgive you for that and that's why the relationship could never be.