My girlfriend of 4 years married another guy 3 mos ago. Im a 29 yearold man and met her overseas back in 2002 when I was living there and we were together for one year there. In 2004 after many unsuccessful attempts of her trying to get a VISA to come to the U.S., she got a marriage visa and came to the U.S. After a few months i freaked out, had a lot of doubts due to the pressure of the visa, so I changed my mind and she went back home. She suffered alot and was very embarassed at what happened. We reconciled and since 2005 I have changed my mind 2 other times to get married.This girl stayed with me throughout EVERYTHING and I FINALLY I felt ready to marry her.I cant explain, I just knew i was ready so I returned 4 months ago to marry her on the spot. At that point she told me she was engaged to marry another guy. This is SOOO sad. I finally really wanted to get married, and she didnt wait!
I dont blame her, I am just sick to my stomach. What can I do to try to recover from this?
2007-05-12 11:40:56 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You had your shot pal. Someone else got her a green card.
2007-05-12 11:51:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi there, bless you, but i can understand her moving on hun. She proberly felt that maybe the "right" time for you would never come. More so as you had changed your mind more than once. Anyway to answer your question the only way to get over this is time out hun. Long distances between two people never always works, it definatly puts a strain on most realtionships. You need time to find yourself again. Go somewhere where you can relax and clear your thoughts. Dont pick somewhere where the two of you have been together, it will just make it more harder. Find somewhere quiet and peaceful where you can have some time to yourself with distractions from anyone. Take this time to think about your future, what you want out of life. I'm sure you dont want to spend the rest of it thinking about her and how things COULD of been. Once you've spent some alone time, maybe you can take a trip somewhere.
Have you got a good friend who could prehaps go with you? A male friend would be best. Use this time to see new places and meet new people. Try to have fun while doing it and allow time to heal you.
2007-05-12 18:52:30 · answer #2 · answered by Mystic Magic 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand you. I have been lliving oversees for three years with my boyfriend, and it the hardest thing i am sure i will ever do. Getting a visa is impossible, in both directions. The only asnwer to stay together without sacrificing our personal dreams is marriage, but neither of us are sure we are ready for that, even though we feel sure we have found the person we are meant to be with. The stress of being here combined with my love for him makes me feel like at any moment i could either be walking away (or flying to be exact) or walking down the aisle. One needs to happen because living in limbo is impossible. The stress that your relationship was under is more than any relationship should have to deal with. I know it sucks, but you were right in saying that you cant blame her for not waiting. What is meant to be will be. My best advice is to move on. She'll come back to you if it is the right thing, and if you still want to be with her it will be your time. Timing is everything. I wish everyday that i could have met my boyfriend after i had established myself so i wouldnt feel like i was sacrificing so much by giving him all this time. I wish you the best of luck. Sorry i havent got any easy answers.
2007-05-12 20:14:24 · answer #3 · answered by sara 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wish her well on her new life and/or just leave her alone. You've cost her too much grief. You need to do some soul-searching to see why you kept changing your mind. I'm not convinced that you would have actually gone through with it this time. The fact that she's not available made you think that you were ready. You should seek professional help to find out why you can't commit, and maybe you'll have better luck in your next relationship. Good luck to you!
2007-05-12 18:45:34 · answer #4 · answered by la buena bruja 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in need of counseling I think. Anyone who is that back and forth has unresolved issues, that will come up again make no mistake. As far as this girl is concerned, move on, she is gone, and rightfully so. The concern most healthy adults would have is not wanting to get involved with you and face the same roller coaster situation. That is why you need to man up and get counseling. Dead serious. You are not facing the root of the problem, and you will have a very empty life if it is not attended to immediately.
2007-05-12 19:25:12 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can use the time to try to understand why you were so hesitant to marry this girl. You waited too long and she was afraid you would change your mind again. You have to consider her feelings, too. You say you finally really wanted to get married and she didn't wait. You sound so selfish. I think it is fortunate for this girl that she is engage to another guy. I think marriage with you would be rocky at best.
2007-05-12 19:00:26 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
MAybe you guys can still be friends and if its meant to be it will come in time. It is a sad story but remember everything happens for a reason. In the mean time you should look for someone else to take your mind off of her.Good Luck
2007-05-12 19:45:06 · answer #7 · answered by danlynnhunterkaleb 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A better question would be to ask yourself how you can prevent this from happening in the future.
Don't worry about the pain of loosing her, eventually it will dull. And, you will move on to other things and other women. But, if you don't get to the bottom of why this happened you'll just end up in the same situation again.
2007-05-12 19:00:51 · answer #8 · answered by Baby #3 due 10/13/09 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All you can do is try to move on. Spend time with friends and family. Go out with friends and try to meet someone new. Maybe try online dating. I know you proably don't want to hear that time will heal your heart and you will find someone else but trust me (I'm 40) and after a heart breaking relationship I took some time and while my heart was mending I turned around one day and stared right into my now husbands eyes.
2007-05-12 18:52:07 · answer #9 · answered by Girly1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give it time she might be marrying him just to get back at you, you never know. OR maybe she knew it was never going to work between the two of you's. Maybe it's all for the best. Time to find yourself a new wife if your ready!!
2007-05-12 19:20:07 · answer #10 · answered by 24Special 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just want her because someone else has her. You snoozed and lost. But, it sounds like she got married on the rebound and I doubt if that will work out either. Silly games.
You recover, by living with integrity, and not just playing a game with other's lives. Be responsible.
2007-05-12 18:50:53 · answer #11 · answered by Dgirl97 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋