Separated and dating for 3 months?

Question

Thanks to all for the very interesting points of view on my question.
A little more detail on why I left my husband. He had 7 years sobriety (supposedly) when we got together. I found out that he was drinking again 1 year into our marriage. I later found out that it started before we got married. The lies and dishonesty and the non payments of our bills and everything that goes with alcoholism was just too much for me and my kids (from a previous marriage). I tried to stay and work it out for 2 years. It just never ended. I realized that I couldn't fix him....only me!
He is a good man when he's not drinking. He was also a counselor but refused counseling for himself or us.
I know that there is still compassion on my part for him but I just couldn't live that way any longer. As far as this new guy, hubby does know and of course doesn't like it at all. But I don't believe he's sitting at home baking cookies either!!!!
I really do like this guy and we are good together

Answer 1

Living with an alcoholic is hell on earth. You have the right attitude by knowing that you can only fix yourself...he has to want to "fix" himself. It is good you cared enough about yourself to get out and try to find a decent life for yourself. An alcoholic's first love is alcohol and I dont know of any woman who likes to come second. I hope it works out well with this new guy, you deserve to be happy. Even if your husband doesnt like it, he needs to realise that he was the one who pushed you away. He needs to understand that it was his alcoholism that made you want to find something better. Maybe this will shock him into action and get some help for his alcholism. You cant help an alcoholic unless he is prepared to help himself. You gave it your best shot, but you were always banging yout head up against a brick wall because he didnt want the help. Youve done everything you can. He made his bed, now he has to lie in it.

Take care and enjoy this new man of yours and probably somewhere inside of you, you are feeling like a lot of pressures have been lifted off your shoulders. I certainly can understand why you wouldnt want to go back to that kind of life.

Answer 2

I haven't dated anyone since my divorce 2 years ago, so I cannot speak to that, but my situation was very similar to yours, with very bad addictions that existed before I ever met him. I stuck it out for 15 years, convinced that I was the problem. I found out soon before I filed that this was all a problem WAY before I even knew him, so I am still trying to come to terms with who I could have been if I had married a nurturer rather than an addicted control freak.

I would say that you need to dump the bf and focus on your child. She needs and deserves a mom who is always there for her. My sister is on marriage #4 and her kids are messed up. I love her but she doesn't get it at all.

You will have many good years of dating and falling in love once she is grown up, but for now focus on her. You will not regret it.

Answer 3

Devorice your husband and move on. He will only drag you both down, and who knows once he hits bottom he might clean up. But he will have to hit bottom first. It will be hard at first for both of you but you need to be their for him. You may even think about seeking help for him. There are ways for you to help but he would really have to be bad. But thats a different story. I've seen this a lot, my family owned a bar for over 25 years, you will only be hurting your self and your children by staying. This is not saying that you can't be there for him but don't let the kids see this. I grew up watching my uncle do this to my family and this is the only thing I think of when my uncle is around. He and his exwife have been devorced for about 12 years now and are still friends and live a much better life.

Answer 4

Im especially specific you already know what to do. He needed to pass away, do no longer permit him come lower back. He honestly found out that the grass isn't greener on the different area and sees that it wasn't so undesirable with you. discover somebody else. Older ladies are warm now. renew your well-being club club and get available! *I also have a pal like this. men 40 5 desires to be cool lower back (so he hangs out with me a 26 365 days previous) and he's only waiting for the day the final youngster is going off to college and he's asserted many times he's packing his luggage and "residing" lower back.

Answer 5

You're cheating on your husband. Separated does not mean divorced. What part of that don't you people understand? Are you all that desperate to spread your legs since you're not with your spouse at the moment? Disgusting. Have some morals and values and wait for your husband. What happened to for better or for worse?

Answer 6

Blah, blah, blah.

You're full of crap. He might be a drinker as you say, but when you say he forgot to pay the bills, did you forget too?

I don't believe you are remotely honest. And that would explain why you are dating without getting divorced. You lack general integrity. And you come in here with this victimization culture BS when you are a big part of your own problems. Face up to them and stop being a loser.

Answer 7

So what's your question? PLEASE do NOT get so carried away with your new relationship. Give yourself some time to find out WHO you are.....and WHAT you'd like to do with your life. And truly spend some time with your kids, before they slip away from you. If this one is truly THE one, there's no big hurry. Enjoy whatever you feel you may have between you at the moment. But PLEASE dont jump into ANYTHING!
You've got experience under your belt. Take full advantage of what you've learned from your prior relationships.

Answer 8

The bottom line is you are still committing adultry. You are separeted not divorced. It's best that you be more careful. Things always have a way of coming out in the light, especially those things we try so desperately to hide.

Answer 9

Let the new guy know of any problems that might surprise him like exhubby saying something to him and see what happens with the new guy. You need to be happy.

Answer 10

Right. You are separated from your 2nd relationship, not yet divorced, and ready to start the 3rd one. You had kids from the 1st relationship. However you lay blame on the man before, your track record isn't exactly impressive. YOu have credibility problem.