Should I attend my significant others childs high school graduation?

Question

I was just wondering what your thoughts are on this. We have been in a monogomous relationship for 6 yrs now. Recently, he went to a class event for his son and didnt invite me. I have the feeling I am being left out of things deliberately by his ex wife and family just to be mean.
I went to a large sit down dinner recently with everyone who is anyone in our area, and paid for his ticket and he was very excited about going. Of course it was an open bar, free entertainment and all of the people who are considered
I feel like he should have reciprocated even though it was just a little cheap event with nothing really happening. Am I being overly sensitive? If I was married to him, I think I would have been asked to attend with no questions asked. He also did not ask me to attend his high school reunion. I was asked to attend someone reunion, who I dont even have a relationship with except for friends. Just tell me what you think please.

He asked me to go, but I am a little aggrivated about the last time he went somewhere for his kids, he just flat out left me out. It cost $10 bucks. I think when I took him with me the ticket was $80 a piece.

I would accept anyone my ex brought to my kids graduation. I am "over it" so to speak and everyone on town knows me anyways. These kids are a little full of themselves kind of like the girl who thinks her dads fiance should not be at her events because her mother is there.
You are a problem an really need to get over it kid. Just like my so kids. I think I will probably attend and bring my entire family along so I can share in the happiness of all the graduating seniors I know and arent carrying all that baggage.

Answer 1

This is a very touchy area. Especially when children are involved. When the other parent are not in the daily life of the children some unwritten rules come into play. Unless your married to this man and after Six years or not in the next comfy area. Do you live together?? Then we are in a whole different shade of gray..But if not......(I would get out and move on while you still have your youth sorry I had to say it. You have alot of life and you should not sit on the sidelines for to long). Tell him of your feelings. The unwritten rules as I was saying. You do NOT EVER bring your girlfriend to family events and when you have a day with your children you do not bring your girlfriend. Yes they are doing this deliberately. You do not go to graduations, weddings, party, ext.. as a girlfriend..Very few unshallow people can deal with the non-custodial parent bringing other girlfriends to functions. Don't get me wrong you can explain to him you would like to build a little relationship with his children. If its a no go.. How will this be if you ever cross the step into a step parent. The adjustment period should be long over. The longer they don't have acceptance that his dad needs his life too. The longer it will be for them when things do happen that is if they happen for the relationship to grow with his children and to become any kind of a family.The wife i mean x wife seems to still have a hand on him. Do not ever look for him to reciprocate in your kindness to you the fact that you invited him seem to take him back. Saying Wow I cant belive you took me.

If you care for him talk to him about your problems. Ever so delicately and let him know that you want to build a relationship with his children but if you are not allowed around him how does can this be done. Sounds like a serious sit down talk is in order..You do not want to take away from them but add to it and after six years he needs to either help build the foundation between you and the children.. Or he needs to go and build a relationship with someone that wants no comment and doesn't want a life long commitment either. It doesnt sound like he is really looking for a new wife or someone els to be commited too. You should really talk to him.

This just seems so wrong. I would get some inner strength and cut my ties. Someone will show you what real love is about. Sometimes true love is right under our nose and we do not see it. Step back and look at the situation you are in. Are you thinking with your heart or Head. (or your pants sorry) But I think this is wrong to be treated this way. I wish you all the best.

Answer 2

If his child would want you to attend, you are invited and you can be polite to the other family members attending, than I would say go. However, if the child does not want you there or you think there could be an altercation between you and the other family members, than I would stay home. While I can understand your anger over the last event, these events are not the same as the social event you listed. These events are specific to the child and under no circumstances should anything detract from that. While his ex's family may be trying to shut you out, if he has been with for 6 years it is very clear he wants you to be in his life. It could be that by not bringing you along to the more family oriented gatherings for his kids, he is trying to spare you from the cruel words, glares or whatever other means they use to show thier displeasure and spare his kids from being caught in the crossfire between dueling parents. However, if you are not sure why he is doing this, the only way to know is to ask. And once you have an answer, only you can decide if it is something you can continue to live with in your relationship.

Answer 3

College is so much different from high school. Yes, you still have classes and homework and exams. Usually, though, you have so much more freedom. Some professors don't care if you show up to class, as long as you do the homework and pass the exams. In college, you have the opportunity to study something you are interested in, whereas most secondary and high schools only offer basic required courses. The work world is not as much fun as one would think. Even if you have a job that you love, you still have to go in every day and work, obviously. However, motivation is more easily found because you actually get paid when you get things done. I too dislike school. I was sick of school when I was just a sophomore. Now I'm a senior in high school and I'm still sick of it. I have had a job and found it to be much more enjoyable because the people I worked with treated me like an actual person instead of a child who needs to be told what to do.

Answer 4

I would do whatever the child who is graduating from high school wants. If he/she wants you there, then by all means, go. However, if he/she does NOT want you there, then don't stir up trouble on a day that has absolutely nothing to do with you.

I do think you're right though, it would be different if you were married to him. But you're not, so you have no complaint here. Regardless of what many people think, most folks in this country tend to still "look down" on people who co-habit for years without marriage. I'm not one of them, by the way, but know several people who do. You're technically NOT part of that family. I think you'll have a complaint if/when you ever get married to this guy.

On his high school reunion--trust me, you didn't want to go to that. At my husband's 25th reunion, all the classmates were on one side of the room, and all the spouses/significant others/dates/etc., on the other. Personally, I think class reunions should be JUST for the members of the class, and leave the spouses/s.o.'s/etc., out of it. I would've had much more fun staying at home, watching chick flicks and eating popcorn than acting like every inside joke they had was funny.

Answer 5

I don't think you're entitled to go to the child's events unless invited. Your not "Mom" you're not even a Step-Mom and you're presence at family events is uncomfortable. I'm sorry this sounds so harsh, but it is true for my family. My dad's fiance does NOT come to events where my mother will be. It's not her place and her presence would be rude and cause conflict, and I would not invite her there. The only time she will be in the same place as my mother is at my wedding, because it would be rude to invite my father and not her to my wedding (so my mother will have to just deal). For something less important like a high school graduation, I would not create that kind of drama for no reason.

Being in a relationship with a divorced man means a lot of baggage, learn to cope or get out of the relationship.

Answer 6

Well first off, if your attendance at a function for the children is going to cause tension, then obviously you should not go. That said, it seems you really need to have a serious talk with this guy. After six years, one would think you'd get an invite to his high school reunion. That's just odd. But the only one who really knows the why is him. So ask him.

Answer 7

I think so. 6 years is an awfully long time. I think you really need some committment. I wouldn't wait around much longer though. It's about time you got married. I went to HS graduations even before I was married. Some of these people think I actually went to their HS. He still seems to think his family and ex-wife take precedent. He's not including you. Seems like he wants it both ways.....

Answer 8

yes, you should be asked.. 6 yrs is like you are already married. Why wouldn't he want somebody with him when he goes to his high school reunion??
this isn't just his ex wife and family that are leaving you out.. Its him..... its his choice whether to take you or not.
I'd feel very offended if I were you.
are you not comfortable with him after 6 years? If that were me id say.. what.. you aren't even going to ask me to come with you?? see what his response is

Answer 9

Did he not ask you to attend because he really didn't want you there or because he thought you wouldn't want to attend? Did your SO's son invite you to his graduation? Maybe it is time to examine your relationship with this man and see it is really worth the time. Ask him about his feelings for you and proceed from there.

Answer 10

I think you need to move on and leave this loser and that is exactly what he sounds like a loser and a user . I mean 80.00 a ticket and he cannot or will not buy you a 10.00 ticket . what a loser dump his sorry behind and find someone who does not have so many issues. good luck and I hope I helped.