Should it bother me that my boyfriend prefers internet porn over me?

Question

I know it sounds dumb. I am in love with a person who never makes time for me physically. I am underweight but I do not have abs. I am living without sex while he masturbates to porn. He says he loves me or he wouldn't be here. I feel that I would be superficial to end a relationship over sex. He is good to me in all other regards. This has profoundly effected my self esteem and my body image. Although most people tell me how pretty I am all of the time but it only matters to me what he thinks.I have done everything I can think of. Bought costumes, etc...I am a very physical person and the intamacey makes me feel loved. We have discussed this for over two years now and he knows how I feel but he won't stop the porn and turn to me. I have tried everything!!! I do not want to nagg him anymore about it. So right now I just go without a physical relationship with my partner.

I tried the pictures thing... had the opposite effect... made him angry and he thought I was sick for doing it... believe me I have tried everything

Thank you for all of your answers. I spoke with him again about it. He is angry at me for asking him to stop the porn. He knows how unhappy it makes me but it makes him equally unhappy that I get upset about it. Angry with me.. like I am taking something away from him that every american male is entitled to. I don't mind the porn if we had an active sex life. He says that it is my appetite that is incurable. I am never satisfied with what he is willing to give me. Thank you again for all of your help. I will be considering everything.

Answer 1

Yes it should both you!

Sex is one of the leading causes of marriage difficulties. If you need physical intimacy, and he is unwilling to provide it, then he is neglecting YOUR needs. You might want to seek counseling.

Maybe he is addicted to porn?

Ask him to go see a counselor. If he agrees, and you can work it out, GREAT!

If he declines or you are not getting what you want out of the relationship, it might be time to part ways.

I know you love him, and every other part of your relationship is great, but this is OBVIOUSLY an important missing piece to your relationship. If it bothers you enough to soliciate opinions from strangers then you need to take care of yourself and not concentrate on him.

Answer 2

I'm going through that now.. I have a boyfriend that is a hardcore porn addict and he also frequents strip clubs. Although i didn't know this when we first started dating, when I found out, I thought "cool, that must mean he digs lots of physical "lovin'" But.. no dice!! It's all I can do to get him to put out!! Despite all the movies, strip clubs and such, he still insists he's just "not in the mood" Well, that would be fine if not for the fact that when I come home from work, I find the bathroom waste basket filled with tissues and I KNOW he doesn't blow his nose that much!!!
So, there it is.. he masturbates to porn when I'm not around and then when I want to get frisky, he's alluvasudden too tired or "not in the mood" obviously, because he's already taken matters into his own hands *pun fully intended"
Now, I'm no prude and I dont' mind porn, strip clubs or masturbation as long as it doesn't cut into or compromise your sexual relationship with your loved one.
As a result of this *among other things* I am leaving him.
Anyway, I've read somewhere that there are several reasons men turn to masturbation instead of sex with a partner. He could have performance anxiety, premature ejaculation or fear of intimacy. Despite these things, men still have physical urges and needs which need to be attended to. Basically, they want the orgasm without the compication of having to also please their partner or lay there next to her afterward as she asks "whatcha thinkin'?"
The other sticky part of this situation, is that if you make sex a big deal or nag him about the fact you're not doing it as much, this could increase his performance anxiety (if he has it) and turn sex into a chore he feels obligated to do.
Either way your needs are not being met and niether were mine. it suck ***.. so, girl, I feel your pain! I think you should leave him.. there are so many other fish in the sea and you deserve to have ALL your needs fulfilled.

Answer 3

It's not a dumb question.

I'm not one to bash guys for looking at porn, however this is going to far. When you are doing that instead of taking care of your woman's needs, then it's way too much. He has a serious problem and you need to think twice about staying with him. He isn't going to change and no amount of therapy or talking will change that. You deserve better, you deserve to have as much sex with your boyfriend as you want.

You only have two choices, either accept things the way they are or find someone new.

There are plenty of great guys out there that would love a great woman like you.

Answer 4

It doesn't matter what other people think should or should not bother you. I've read that some wives don't let it bother them. But you are not them. It sounds like it is definitely bothering you.

If this man cannot show you physically that you are loved, and you say you need this response from him then it is time to move on and find someone who can.

It doesn't matter if he is good to you in all other aspects. There are others out there who can meet all your needs.

Keep looking before you settle. If you settle for someone who lowers your self-esteem you will never be truly happy.

Answer 5

Think about the future....10, 20 years from now, and he still finds pornography as an outlet of his sexual desires. The present and the beggenning of all relationships should have a healthy sexual relationship. Think about what you have said to him, you have made it obviously clear about your feelings, he listens and still chooses to hurt you, because that is what he is doing when you have clearly communicated with him. Never compare yourself to these women, you are beautiful and young, consider moving on, finding someone that can meet both of your needs, or settle, because that is what you will be doing if stay and he does not change. There are plenty of other men that complain constantly about not finding a mate that is sexual. There is nothing wrong with you, find someone that completes you.

Answer 6

Your boyfriend is the one with the problem. And it is a serious one. Porn is an addiction that can ruin even the best relationship.Noooo! you should not settle with this crazy situation. Any man that would rather look at a computer or mag. than a real woman who loves him has BIG issues. He needs help or you need to RUN!

Answer 7

Talk to him about his viewing of porn to try to find out what it is that intrigues him so much. Maybe you could view some porn together if that is something you would consider and it might turn his attention away from the computer towards you. If you both can't be physically satisfied then maybe you should move on.

Answer 8

Ask him what he likes about the porn. Is there something that he's getting a fetish fulled from? Maybe he's worried that you won't enjoy what he likes. Maybe it's the watching. Try making a tape for him and see if he'll watch you do your own 'porn'.

Answer 9

I have tried everything!!! I do not want to nagg him anymore about it. So right now I just go without a physical relationship with my partner.

RE-READ what you wrote...then pack your clothes..

Answer 10

dump him and dont look bac k i wetn through the same with my ex husband, it only gets worse and your self esteem will be harder to recvoer the longer you are thre. i dont know if i will ever see mine again. get out while the gettin good and if u lisetn to anyone on this page it should be me because ive been there before and im telling u for ur own good.