What do you do about a woman who tries to get child support ...?

Question

more than 10 years after saying she doesn't want any help, that she can manage, etc.

I know someone this is happening to - they were never married so no real comitment was made between tham.

Answer 1

I'm probably going to piss off a lot of people with this answer, but oh well... It won't be the first time.

Firstly, as I'm sure you are well aware, the mother has the right (here in the United States) to contact child support enforcement who, in turn, has the right to file suit with the courts requesting that his/her honor grant a child support order. Someone else mentioned that the father can be forced to pay ''back support'' for the last ten years. This person is correct. Such things can, and do, happen.

That being said, you want to know what the father can do about this. Well, there isn't much that he can do since the law is not in his favor. How many children do they have together? Depending upon how many children there are, his best bet may be to try to work out an arrangement with the mother. (Because child support can get rather high the more children you have.) But, if he does this, tell him to keep every receipt for every amount of money spent on the child/children and, if possible, to get a receipt from the mother whenever he gives her money intended for the child/children (a receipt that includes how much was given, what the money is for, and a note which states that the amount is all that is needed at that time). If she is a reasonable woman, he should attempt to convince her to write a letter explaining that she did not want support for the past ten years and that the child/children did not suffer, that all of his/her/their needs were met. There are no guarantees, but these things may help to a certain extent if he ever finds himself in court.

Another thing....
Does he have a relationship with the child/children? Does he WANT a relationship with the child/children? If so, and if the mother is going to contact child support enforcement, tell him to file for visitation rights. If his/her honor grants him visitation, not only will he be permitted by law to spend time with his child/children but he will also have possible ammunition in the future to use if, let's say, the mother tries to have his child support increased. How? Well, it's simple... If he is granted visitation, and the mother doesn't permit him to see his child/children on the scheduled day, she will be in violation of a court order. It won't make the child support go away, but if she is in the habit of violating court ordered visitation, and the father makes her aware of the fact that he knows the law and his rights and that he is keeping a detailed log of visitation (and lack thereof), she may be reluctant to persue a child support increase.

Now for the portion of this post that's probably going to piss people off (my opinion)---

Let your friend know that there is someone out there who sympathizes with him. I firmly believe that a parent should not be required to pay child support unless he/she wanted the child and/or is in the child's life (or was for a period of time). I believe that a man should have just as much right to decide that he doesn't want the responsibilities of a child as a woman. A woman has the right to get an abortion. And, in several states, a woman has the right to abandon her child at a location designated by state law within a certain time frame determined by state law. A woman doesn't need the consent of the father of her child to do either of the above. However, she can decide to not do either of the above. She can decide to keep the baby and saddle the father with the responsibilities of a child whether he wants the child or not. The fact that the law allows this, in my opinion, is nothing short of sexist. The man should have just as much right to say that he doesn't want a child and be free from any responsibilities pertaining to that child. The old argument that he should consider this before getting a woman pregnant doesn't hold water, in my opinion. The fact of the matter is that a woman is every bit as capable to keep her panties on as a man is, but yet the law allows her the right to sherk her responsibilities. In my opinion, as I've said, this is sexist. The law is sexist. I believe that a woman should be required to get the father's permission before abandoning a baby, so that he can choose to take the baby if he wants him/her. And I believe that a woman shouldn't be permitted to have an abortion without the consent of the father. If the father wants the baby, the woman should be required to carry to term and give the father custody. The "it's a woman's body to do with as she pleases" argument doesn't hold water in my book. Carrying a child for less than a year can NOT compare to being responsible for a child for 18 years. A woman shouldn't be permitted to have a child and saddle a man who doesn't want a child with the responsibility of providing for him/her for 18 years. Carrying a child for less than a year also can NOT compare to robbing a father of the chance to raise his child if that's what he wants to do. Whoever wants the child should assume FULL responsibility (custodial, financial, emotional, etc...) of the child. That's my opinion. I expect the usual thumbs down now.

Sgt_casey, advise all of your friends of the following:

---Never sign a birth certificate. In many (if not most) cases, a DNA test proving that a child isn't yours will not help you if you have already signed a birth certificate (particularly if you have been in the child's life and/or have been providing for the child for a number of years prior to getting a DNA test done.
---ALWAYS request a DNA test regardless of how much you think you can trust a woman. Do not worry about her anger. It isn't worth being tied down to a child who isn't yours unless you truly want to be a father to the child.
---NEVER take a woman at her word that she will not seek a child support order. This may sound crazy, but, if you know for a fact that the child is yours (via DNA testing), inform child support enforcement YOURSELF. It isn't worth waking up one day to find out that you owe "back support" for months or years.
---Inform child support enforcement every time there is a decrease in your income. Depending upon the state in which child support was ordered, there may be a decrease in the amount owed.
---Do NOT inform child support enforcement if you find out that the mother of your child has experienced an increase in her income. Depending upon the state in which child support was ordered, there may be an increase in the amount owed even though it's the mother's income that has increased.
---DO notify child support enforcement if you have any PROOF that the mother is not using the child support monies to provide for the child.
---Keep a detailed record of all monies given to the mother or given to/spent on the child. Keep all receipts. If you give the mother money, do NOT give cash. Give her a check or money order.
---If you desire visitation, seek a court order. Keep an accurate record of visitation (and/or lack thereof). If the mother causes you problems in the future (such as trying to have your child support increased) take a warrant out on her for violation of court ordered visitation rights. Don't worry about whether or not she will claim that you're only doing it out of revenge. Simply tell his/her honor that you were trying to get along by any means necessary for the sake of the child.
---If you can afford it, keep a good attorney on retainer.
---If, by some chance, you would like to raise the child yourself, try to get some kind of proof that the mother is unfit to raise her child. Sue for custody and then contact child support enforcement and request that they seek a child support order.
---If you were married to, and cohabitating with, the mother for an extended period of time, AND if she was the primary "bread winner", sue for alimony. You just might get it. Contrary to the sexist laws against men with regards to children, often times, it is possible for a man to get court ordered alimony for a limited period of time IF the woman was the primary "bread winner" (made the most money) and particularly if the man is still making less (or little to no) money at the time of the divorce.
---Be VERY aware of the mother's actions. Some women encourage their children to attend college while remaining at home past the age of 18 years for the express purpose of petitioning the court to have the child support order extended to the age of 21 or until the child graduates and/or leaves home (whichever comes first). Also- Some mothers are so demented that they will actually encourage their children to seek psychological help/therapy in an effort to see that their children are diagnosed as mentally and/or emotionally ill and then apply for SSI (Supplemental Security Income) (which will provide a check for their "disabled" children each month and record the children as being incapable of working and supporting themselves until determined otherwise by a psychologist/psychiatrist and the government). The purpose of this? Well, if a child is incapable for caring for him/her self, child support enforcement can petition the court to extend the child support order for an indefinite period of time.

Answer 2

Things change and situations change and perhaps that is exactly what has happened in this situation. If she needs help, I suggest the person gives it to her because if there was nothing in writing previously, she can actually ask for child support for the past ten years. And after all, this child is his as well, whether planned or not and the child's welfare is what should be taken into consideration.

Answer 3

He made a commitment when he didn't use birth control. And marriage has nothing to do with child support. 10 years ago she may have been embarassed, hurt and defiant but things change. If he is the biological father than whether she asked for it 10 years ago or not he is obligated to take care of his child as much as she is. Legally he will have to pay.

Answer 4

You knew you weren't married to this woman, and you knew you probably did no longer pick a new child; so which you may desire to have taken duty for your self and used protection. She might have lied approximately using beginning administration, yet you're a grown guy and you may desire to have depended on your self, no longer her. for the reason which you probably did no longer try this, the fault is yours--no longer hers. If the "youngster" is yours, you're able to desire to step up and be a guy. And if this woman is as manipulative as you're saying, you're able to desire to stay on the element of your new child; so she would not develop him (or her) to be that way. in case you turn your lower back in this new child, you're able to placed him in harm's way. Watch the information and examine the paper. See what proportion toddlers are being molested or killed because of the fact silly ladies divulge their teenagers to unscrupulous men who prey on toddlers. you're indignant now, for the reason which you're caught. however the youngster is harmless. do no longer punish him to your mistake. in case you do no longer pick something greater to do with the mum, it truly is high quality. yet once you're a guy, discover it on your coronary heart to love your new child. shelter a relationship with him and be sure he's being appropriate cared for. Be a loving father to this new child, rather of a stranger in his existence. The day will come whilst he will wrap his hands around your neck and whisper on your ear, "i admire you, Daddy." it truly is whilst being a father truly will pay off!

Answer 5

If he is the father of the child/children then he is liable for financially support whether the mother wanted it in the beginning or not. Doesn't matter whether there was a committment made or not. If it's HIS DNA floating around in the kid's bloodstream then he pays.

Answer 6

It doesn't matter if there was no commitment between the adults, if your responsible for bringing the life into this world your responsible for helping to raise them. This person should be willing to help and should consider himself lucky for not having to pay for 10 years.

Answer 7

then he';s had 10 years of being off the hook, he should stop whining and start helping out with the child. As for not being married..... the commitment was the child, paper or no paper.
He's lucky that she was content to go it alone for that time, and now she needs help. Be a man. Step up.

Answer 8

oh well, if he is the dad he better get ready to pay up. maybe she needs money now. doesnt matter if they were married or not. only thing that does is make sure she gets custody and he gets to pay until 18. or through college depending on what state they are in

Answer 9

Maybe things had changed since then.

Answer 10

if she can prove he is the dad, she can get the support.