25 years ago when i married my husband ii had expectations that my husband would leave and cleave?

Question

like leave his momma and put his feet under his own table. but like he never cut the umbilical cord. i see him as less than a man because he has always allowed himself to be put in the center and enjoys the tug and pull between his maamma and his wife. about 10 years ago i gave up. just let her have him. i dont want him. i am tired of hearing i am the one with the problem. so since then its been a sexless loveless marriage. has this happened to any other girlfriends. do you ever reach the end of your rope and say i love you hubby but you are not worth the trouble? do you ever just walk away emotionally and just give up?
i am tired of fighting in my home due to the mother in laws interference. i live a moderate married single life now. no physical or emotional binding with my hubby. go through the motions. talk about the kids and his day at work. as if i really care.

Answer 1

I understand that it's scary to be on your own and that you think divorce would be worse than staying in the relationship... but from what you're telling us... you should leave. What your children need are parents who are HAPPY, even if they are no longer in a marriage together... just get along for the sake of your children and move out with them... or send him packing to his Mother's home. You deserve to be happy and have someone love and appreciate you... and he deserves the same... and most importantly your children deserve to have an example of happiness and love that they can emulate. They can sense the tension, even if you think they can't.

Best wishes.

Answer 2

I have been married for 35 years this summer and your love certainly changes over the years but it doesn't totally disappear like you are describing. Altho you say you don't care, obviously you do or you wouldn't have bothered writing this note. You seem troubled about this whole situation..........while you seem to be "going thru the motions" I'll bet you any money that the old feelings would stir once more if that umbilical cord was cut. You feel ignored, and depressed and like you are playing "second fiddle" to your mother-in-law and I honestly can't blame you. I would sit down with your hubby and explain exactly how you have been feeling for so many years. Tell him you want more out of your marriage and you think that the only way you will get it is by going to marriage counseling. If he refuses to go then I can't imagine why you are sticking around. You will still have a roof over your head if you split up and you will probably have some self esteem again.

Answer 3

I am going though the same thing. Been married 20 years and have had it up to my eyeballs with mom. Since her husband passed away several years ago things have gotten worse. Her calling my husband all the time when any little thing is wrong and expecting him to jump, which he does!!! And yes he tells me I am the one with the problem when I bring it up. If he acts like he cannot jump she starts giving him a guilt trip which he falls for. I have been telling him recently that I cannot continue with things this way, I guess he thinks I a not serious because not much has changed. I know when I tell outsiders, I get the idea they think i a being selfish but they have no idea the crap I put up with from this woman. Good luck because I have found no solution to this problem as of yet..

Answer 4

...leave and cleave.... Yes, God made marriage. He designed it to be a blessing. But it needs to be handled how He instructed, or it will be a mess.

Twenty five years ago, when you expected him to do marriage the way God instructed, was that expectation based on seing him doing other things the way God instructed? Was he tithing? (that's giving a full ten percent of his income to the church he attends) It is said that if you look in a man's checkbook, you will see where his heart is - tithing, or the lack of it is a real easy measure of whether or not a man holds God in his heart.

God can heal your marriage - it might take two years of your being a godly wife, it might take ten. Get into a bible teaching church. Find a women's group OF WOMEN WHO HAVE BEEN MARRIED A LONG TIME AND ARE HAPPY. If you want to know how to have a Godly marriage, ask women who have one. Don't ask for MARITAL advice from women who are either divorced or on their way to it. Eventually, he too will get into a men's group where he can learn the benefits of doing marriage God's way.

Don't pray so much for God to change him - pray that God makes you the wife that he needs - you have alot more influence on who you can be than on who he can be.

Answer 5

I hope you don't mind this answer comes from a man. I too was tied to my mother, more than my wife. We moved in with her when I got out of the Navy, and she was expecting. Big mistake. My wife gave me an alternative, find a place to live or she was going back down South. I chose to move. She only saw my mother on holidays out of courtesy to me. My mother never liked any of her in-laws, and when it came to my wife or her, I chose my wife. I was married to this beautiful woman for 33 years, and never regret ONE DAY. She died in 2000 in a car accident at 49. She will always be my only love.

Answer 6

The better question is how long are you gonna live this lie?

I have no problems saying goodbye to yesterday, but I guess you do.

And please do not say that you are "going through the motions" for the kids.

They can tell when you are IN LOVE. You aren't doing them any favors showing them a bad example of what marriage means.

And finally, what good is it being married to a MANCHILD?

Answer 7

I think you should dump him. yes mother in law interference ruined my marraige too. he soudns like a real loser. im glad u stopped giving him the attention of the fight between you two. if she wnts him so bad, let her have him. see how happy he is then. maybe thne he will realize what a nusiance she is and he can blame HER for hsi problems then. ive been reading all ur Q's and its plain and clera to me hes a big fat loser u should dump him or go get you a boy toy on the side

Answer 8

You need to set boundaries in order to be happy.
You have to talk to your husband and tell him this is no longer acceptable. Maybe this will change things for the better.
Otherwise, you should leave him if you don't really love him.
Maybe the following will help.

On the second link.... check out answer 28

Answer 9

"leave and cleave" sounds like a biblical marriage. What god intended for us to have (that includes a quality sex life). What you have is a perversion, just as sick as any other form of abuse.

As a child of god you are entitled to the best in life. That includes a man that will honor and respect you as a gift from god. It is your responsibilty to leave him. The bible tells you when you must leave. you waited 25 years too long, but then again I waited 21 myself.

Answer 10

having in-law problems can be very detrimental to a marriage as you've stated. i had a similar situation and took the route of addressing it with my in-laws. i had a heart to heart talk with them and explained how their interference was hurting my marriage. it was a delicate talk, to say the least, but in the end they both agreed to back away and allow our marriage to benefit. i actually became closer to my mother-in-law and she respected my being open with her.
i, of course, discussed this with my wife as well and let her know that our marriage would be greatly affected if the situation didnt change. it was difficult for her to let go of mama, especially, but things did improve and it made a huge difference with the frustration of it all.
i would suggest approaching this from your husbands side as well as your in-laws side..... it worked for me.
now for the marriage being sex-less..... i can relate. if i dont figure it out soon though... i'll go blind. lol