Thousands of miles of sand to see,
Nothing but the breeze passes me
Evident is the sun, that I walk alone,
Thousands of request, not a change in the tone
At times, at distance arrangement of corsage,
nothing but false hope, nothing but mirage.
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2007-05-12 05:37:56 · 28 answers · asked by billu_bhai 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
Yes I wrote this poem, Thank you for all your comments....there no single best answer, because all answers are equally best here..so I will leave it for voting...
2007-05-14 08:30:00 · update #1
its beautiful,very soft and touching.u shouldn't have stopped here ,u could have continued this poem.anyways as it is said "a poem is never finished,only abandoned",so think 'bout it.
please write more
2007-05-13 15:56:35 · answer #1 · answered by footballrulzz 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
"Evident is the sun, that I walk alone,"
It looks a weird sentence due to the form of words u use. It does not convey the message what u want to.
Also it should have been thousands of requests not " Thousands of request" u need to learn English grammar my dear.
There are almost three things in each sentence what I can criticise but it seems to me that u r beginner, so it is a nice try.
2007-05-15 14:07:25 · answer #2 · answered by mssk_me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
nice yes but I'd lay a finger on request and add -s- to make it plural. I'd also put -a- between at and distance. and say - a mirage. wonder what you mean by - Evident is the sun? would you spice it with a few images, similes/metaphors kind of dressing!
2007-05-12 13:51:24 · answer #3 · answered by ari-pup 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your bored out of your wits..
Even your poem seems boring in bits.
You need to lift your spirits
At least your rhyming words well hits!
Too short a Poem in my mind.
Do a much longer Kind!
Practice Makes Perfect..
U can be good I suspect!
2007-05-19 00:50:10 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The poems tells that the person who wrote it is very sad and lonely.
2007-05-12 12:58:46 · answer #5 · answered by katty 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you are a brilliant poet I liked the poem very much and the words used by you were right on the place where it should be...
2007-05-13 00:38:20 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think ur lost in da dessert & ur trying 2 find a way 2 b out of der.
2007-05-12 12:47:44 · answer #7 · answered by thundercope5 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Beautifull, nice thinking at desert.
2007-05-13 09:13:58 · answer #8 · answered by mary2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its a very nice poem i would like to have more poems like this which is having meaning with iti think this is a poem relating with your life.is it
2007-05-18 10:13:39 · answer #9 · answered by sarah A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
beautiful!
now u can dive into sea and draft new poem!
words may be same, massage may be the same but the gestalt may be changed.
2007-05-15 13:26:36 · answer #10 · answered by laloo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋