I JUST FOUND OUT AFTER 12 YEARS WITH MY WIFE THAT SHE'S WANTS TO BE WITH HER EX-BOYFRIEND FROM 13 YEARS AGO?SHE GAVE ME THE OLD I LOVE YOU BUT I'M NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU SPEECH....SHE ALSO SAYS THAT I DON'T LOVE HER THE WAY I DID WHEN WE WERE DATING TWELVE YEARS AND 4 KIDS AGO? HELLO....IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE WE DATED AND SHE CAN'T EXPECT ME TO BE LIKE THAT. CAN SHE?
2007-05-12 04:18:40 · 16 answers · asked by CD'S BASEMENT 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You're being blackmailed emotionally. Tell her if she wants to be with her old boy friend she's welcome to leave. Don't fall victim to the game she's playing. Neither one of you are the same people you were 12 years ago and if she thinks you should be then she's not being realistic.
It's possible if she at the point she's telling you this it's already too late to save the marriage. You can give her a chance to straighten herself out and maybe go to couples therapy but otherwise you're going to file for divorce. What ever you do you should consult a lawyer.
I've been through this recently and I let it drag on for 5 years putting up with the same kind of behavior. I finally said enough and moved out with my son.
You don't deserve to be treated this way and your children deserve better too.
If she wants her old boyfriend then good riddance to her. She' not a loyal trust-able mate. Good luck.
2007-05-12 04:33:34 · answer #1 · answered by IveBeenThere 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just because you have been married for12 years and have children together doesn't mean she should give up romance. All women want romnce from time to time. Couples get so comfortable with each that they forget to how and why they fell in love in the first place. Couples should make regular dates with each other. Not that it would be easy, but consider taking a trip together without the children to some romantic place . Write her love letters, or poetry. If you love her win her heart back. The two of you should seek counselling.
She married you for a reason, not the other guy. And things may look rosy to her right now, but I doubt her boyfriend really wants to deal with 4 kids.
Things always look greener on the other side. As long as you and her can communicate still theres a chance to overcome this. Ask her for some time , then court her all over again. And don't take her for granted ever again. Give her what she yearns for.
You will need to have a big heart and put your anger aside.
If you can't learn to forgive her and show her your willing to work at keeping the passion alive. Then get ready for divorce court.
Good Luck!
2007-05-12 04:56:04 · answer #2 · answered by MARK S 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I've cheated on people before,and I've also been cheated on.That's why I believe that open relationships are the way to go.Not that people should take advantage of their relationship being open often,but a whole lot of people in long term relationships do tend to stray at some point,it's just human nature.So it's always good to have the cheating end of a relationship a bit open,so that if/when it happens it won't ruin everything all together.I'd rather forgive someone I love for their mistakes than to run away because of them and vice versa.
2016-05-21 02:54:51 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get an attorney right away and you will find that you will get almost everything. I would suggest that you try to get the children because I would not want then to be raised by a cheating woman and living with a scumbag who does not respect what marriage is about. You will be happier and the children will be better of too. You can then find a good woman that will be better for you and the children. This is really a good break for you. How messed up she must be to want a person that was not good enough then? Be a real father and rescue those children. I have to tell you that there a lot of fantastic women out there who will find you to be a good catch dumping the cheater and raising the kids by yourself. You will have a good opportunity to find someone better, nicer, hotter.... Ball's in your court, How are you going play?
Get the attorney ASAP!!!
2007-05-12 04:34:02 · answer #4 · answered by orcarius 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ahhh.....double standards.
When men cheat it is because we are "pigs".
When women cheat it is because they claim they are "emotional neglected" and therefore it is not their fault but their man's fault. Yes, this is BS..... :)
1st. Realize women planned breakups usually months in advance. Once their love fades, the planning begins. They usually try to line someone up before they jump ship, She has been emotional gone from this marriage for longer than you think.
2nd. You took the bait. SHE is in the wrong for cheating and not making an effort to work things out. Her claim that that you don't treat her the same as 12 years ago is a tactic to shift blame from her actions to you. I see this tactic work perfectly. You swallowed that line hook-line-and-sinker.
3rd. You must not have been paying attention. If you pay attention, it is easy to spot a cheating spouse, New hair style, new clothes, starts working out, goes "shopping" a lot, etc...
4th. It is over, She made her bed and she has to sleep in it. Just make sure you don't let yourself get screwed in the divorce.
5th. The reasons that caused her and her ex-BF to break up are probably still there. Hopefully he will dump your wife and you can enjoy the spectacle at a distance. After all revenge is a dish best served cold.
6th. Get recomendations for a family lawyer. See him and take actions NOW to protect yourself from empty bank accounts to maxed out credit cards. MOVE FAST!
Be stern with her but don't be a prick. You will have to sit down with your kids and explain that you are getting a divorce. You will be tempted to tell the kids she cheated on you but avoid saying that.....they will know when the see Mom;s new BF picking them up on weekends every two weeks...
Oh...in the future try not to type in ALL CAPS. It makes it more diffcult to read.
2007-05-12 04:41:02 · answer #5 · answered by Felix 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No she can not expect you to be the person you were 13 years ago. You have grown and evolved as a person. She has a deranged definition of what love is if she thinks it`s like the first day every day. It is sad but you have to move on. It`s hard to be the abandoned one in a relationship but there is always something better waiting for us in life...Good luck!
2007-05-12 04:31:56 · answer #6 · answered by Jane Marple 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
read between the lines buddy... what she's saying is that she no longer feels appreciated... that you take her for granted... and what she is really yearning for is an effort from you to show her that her efforts over the last 12 years haven't gone un-noticed. She doesn't need that "special effort" every day... but she does need you to make that effort more often than you obvioulsly feel the need for.
Kids, family, work, there are soooo many things demanding our attention... that we loose sight of what's really important...
So... step up to the plate... remember who that beautiful woman was 12 years ago... remember how she made you feel by doing the simplest things... how you went out of your way to make her feel special... she's only asking that you try and capture that with her...
So put in the effort... Ignore the Boyfriend she had 13 years ago... and remind her with your effort... that you were the boyfriend she chose over him... to build a life with... to create a family with... the man... who she decided to spend the rest of her life with...
Marriage isn't something that survives on autopilot... it takes care and attention... sit down with her alone... and apologize... and make an effort... or turn out the lights... and be prepared to pay alimony and child support...
2007-05-12 04:36:36 · answer #7 · answered by alex b 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Divorce her. You shouldn't have to be second fiddle to anyone. Why don't people just end a relationship before they go and sleep with someone else? Get rid of her. Obviously her heart was not with you completely. Everyone deserves to feel special and be the only love of their spouse's life. That's what marriage is.
2007-05-12 04:24:33 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Sure... don't you guys have date night? Don't you guys get rid of the kids, and go off to a motel a few times a year???? Geee, fella, a lady like to be romanced, huh???
Read the book For Your Both (Or Fo Each Other, I forget.) by Lonnie Barbach..... in paperback, cheap, anywhere... THE sex therapist in the country today.
2007-05-12 04:48:02 · answer #9 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
She is a bored housewife with four kids. What makes her think the ex wants all that baggage? Let her go, she doesn't appreciate you. She will find herself all alone as soon as he is done with her.
2007-05-12 04:26:59 · answer #10 · answered by kitkat 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋