Should i allow my ex to see our kids, even though i have no way to contact him?

Question

I would love for my ex to spend time with our children. I don't allow this to happen because he refuses to give me a phone number or address to reach him. I have to call his parents and have them call him and tell him to call me (blocked). I'm not comfortable with sending my children, not knowing how to contact them while they are away. should I go against my gut and send them anyway? What if something happens and I cant reach his parents that means I cant reach my children. I think its unfair to the kids as well, they cant call and say good morning daddy. I don't know what to do. Does anyone think I'm just being childish and should just let them visit? After all the kids are the ones suffering. I just think a good mom should know where her children are and how to reach them at all times. Especially by them being so young 5 and 8.Thanks in advance for your help.

Answer 1

No, I think your being a good mother. If he wants to see them, he needs to tell you where he is living and how to contact you directly. Unless he has had you prosecuted for stalking or you were abusive, and a restraining order has been issued against you, then there is really no reason for him to be so guarded and secretive.

Answer 2

Good morning Charity....No you are not being selfish by any means. I'm not sure what State you reside in but here where I live if the parent has visitation rights then they must give the custodial parent a phone number and a address when the children are visiting or for medical reasons and emergencies. Does your ex have visitation rights issued by the court? If so, then you need to explain to your ex that what he is doing by not providing that information that he is violating the terms for his visitation. This isn't your fault and you are not being childish. It's a shame that your ex can't provide this information to you. In my opinion he's the one that is acting childish not you. I don't care how old the children are, if you don't have the necessary information from your ex then he's the one that's missing out on having his children, not you. And one can't be too careful these days if you know what I mean! Good luck on your decision and have a blessed day!

Answer 3

I would get a custody order, in this order the state requires that both of you furnish one another with addresses and telephone numbers.

I understand your concern, and I respect that you are worried that your children are suffering from this, as they no doubt are. But this seems like a very scarey situation to have no way other than through a third party to contact him for the sake of your children.

What is the reason for this secrecy? Have you called and harrassed him in the past? (not saying you have dear just trying to make sence of the situation). If so then maybe that is why he doesn't want you to have his phone #, if this is the case you need to limit your contact to the children or about the children, and he still needs to furnish you with this information.

Best bet all around is to go to your local child custody office and get everything set in stone. I know this will probably make things bitter between the two of you for awhile, but it will help out so much in the end. Most court orders will all space for extra visits too "upon mutual agreement of both parents", so if he tries to argue about not having enough time with them you guys could agree on some extra visits.

All around a court order protects both of you, you will know that the children will be returned to you, and he will know that you cannot refuse him a visit during his scheduled time.

Good luck!!!

Answer 4

You need a lawyer. And you should not ever, ever send your kids anywhere without a proven phone number and address. DON'T DO IT.

Go with your gut, you are right. But get a lawyer to work it out with the Dad. It's important for them to see him, but on YOUR terms since YOU ARE THEIR MOTHER!

Good luck.

Answer 5

i wouldn't let my children go anywhere with anyone that i did not know where they lived or have a number to reach them, if he wants to see the kids, let him see them at your house but don't let him take them anywhere ( my aunt's ex-husband didn't give her any information and when she let him take their daughter for a visit, he took her out of the country and we have never seen the child again)

Answer 6

This is very strange. Call your lawyer or go to family court and see what they say. He could cause trouble if you refuse to let him have them but as a mother that is very scarey.