Did I go over board? What would you have done?

Question

Ok, Lately my husband and my brother have been drinking alot together at our house, sometimes I drink with them like maybe once a week. Other times they will drink and I do not mind -usally ,but Last night I was very up set they were going to drink and I told them to keep it down and I did not want anyone to bother me because I had to wake up at 4:15 in the morning to be at work on time and I told my husband I was locking our bedroom door so I do not want anyone to come in except him when they are done. So I was sleeping all good and about mid-night one of my cosins came in the room and woke me up she was trashed my husband had to have let her in! So to make a long story short I got my work clothes and took the car ( we only have one) and drove to my mom's house to sleep and only had 3 hours last night. I didn't yell or scream at him so my question is do you think my husband respect's my feelings? This has happend more than once- Thanks for reading :)

Answer 1

Girl, I have been in your shoes!! If it were me I would have done the same thing. First, the drinking should stop,if you plan on making it work. Unless you both are fair game on the partying it will not work. If he does not understand you or respect the fact you have to work express those feeling to him. Not getting angry and not yelling was a very adult thing to do. I am 32 years old and it took me after 10 years of marriage and 4 kids later to stop yelling. Good job. Make sure you have an open form of communication. Oh by the way did I mention be honest too? If it keeps repeating itself you will have to search your heart and figure out if you want this to keep going on. My husband went through this in the first year of our marriage and I told him it is the bottle or me. He quit drinking with friends and had a beer or 2 at night from then on. It just depends on you and your husband. Be honest and be firm on what you want. You seem to be a sweet girl so all I have left to say is good luck and God Bless you.

Answer 2

This is why alcohol can be as damaging as physical abuse.

Alcohol is a nervous system suppressant, and ppl who are drunk have a change in the cortex of their brains that control reason, logic, and impulse control.

I am NOT saying that what he did was ok, but you put up with him drinking in your house, so I guess if I had a question it would be that since you tolerate it do you really have room to complain?

I do not drink, and I do not allow ANYONE to bring alcohol of any sort, including NYQUIL into my home. That way I have the right to be bent out of shape if it were ever to happen to me.

I think that you all need to re-think how you live your lives. Going out for a beer with the guys Saturday night is one thing, but getting plastered at your home on a regular basis is another thing. Why does he feel the need to squash his emotions with alcohol? What is he hiding from and what are you hiding from by letting him get away with such bad behavior?

If it were me he would only get away with it 1 time...after that there would be a little tiny word called divorce. How is this any different than regular abuse?

Answer 3

Your husband appears to have a drinking problem and your adult cousins seem to have the same addiction to alcohol.
Ask your husband to get some personal counseling for his drinking tendencies and tell your brother to do the same thing and/or to reserve his elbow-bending binges with your husband for the weekends or for days when you don't have to go to work the next day. He should know better if he also has a personal family. You behaved in a very responsible manner under these circumstances. I would have put the people who did not live in my home out at 11PM, plastered or not.
Set up some house rules with your husband that include no house guests, including relatives will be admitted after 9PM. on weeknights and all nonresidents should leave by 11PM. Have this discussion with him when he is alone and sober. No more Open House/Open Bar intrusions by family members and friends who have their own homes to go to.

Answer 4

I think you were very patient. I think I would make sure that you are the only one with a key to your bedroom when they are drinking.
If this is a habitual event, I would suggest counseling. I think your husband may have a drinking problem--and that makes it difficult to respect anybody's feelings.

Answer 5

You were justified. But something needs to change. Your husband doesn't need to be drinking all night. Doesn't he have a job to go to? Even if he didn't, he should respect that you do.

Answer 6

He hasnt respected ur feelings at all, but u know wat all men r the same n u cant do n e thing to change them. Talk to him tell him how u feel dont bottle it up it will only end in an explosion. I dont think he will change but atleast he knows how u feel, so then if u want to walk out u can tell him u have tried telling him how u feel its up to him to understand then. But at the same time know wat happened when ur cousin came family can be quite possesive u neva know ur cousin might have said so much that he had to give the key, remember she is ur family not his. Look at both points of view first.

Answer 7

This has happened to me also-too many times. No, your hubby has no respect for your feelings. It is all fine and good when they want to have a good time but BOY if he gets woke up...You did the right thing. There is no reasoning with someone like that either-I tried and learned my lesson.

Answer 8

Anyone who drinks like this has no respect for themselves or anyone else. God I hope you two don't have any kids.. what a life!

Answer 9

i think you should all stop using drinking as an activity and quit using your home as the local party house.

Answer 10

Just reading your rambling self pitying letter makes me want to have a drink too....I suspect he will move on shortly and I cannot say most would blame him