How to honor those we loved? Does moving on seem like forgetting? A cruel end to a cruel fate?

Question

How do human beings cope in the face of tragedy?

Answer 1

It takes a while to get over the loss of a loved one, but we, the living, have to carry on. As far as honoring those we lost -- we can honor their memory always. Moving on is definitely not the same as forgetting.

Answer 2

the term moving on is weird and doesn't really do justice to the grief process of a close loved one. Its an intensely personal experience.It has no set rate or order.... managing every day life and being able to have some happiness is definitely a goal one works towards and sometimes it works and other times it doesn't You never "get over it". Your world is changed. Its kinda like an alien in those sit com shows who can never return to their home planet but you can reminisce about it.miss it and feel foreign in the newly adopted world. You are a "misfit" in many ways to the others who haven't traveled that path you have traveled.Planting a tree/garden in rememberance wasn't for me, others like that kind of thing.Working in some sort of cause that honors the persons life or interests,honoring their unique way of thinking or being by respecting it and nurturing it in others or yourself.
There is an intensity to your being that wasn't there before. Yet everyday life does happen and you must cope with it. Faith can help. Counselors can help one to verbalize the feelings while traveling that path, also support groups online can be of help (griefnet.org)

Answer 3

We go through stages:

DENIAL --- What's the first thing you do? You try to start it again! And again. You may check to make sure the radio, heater, lights, etc. are off and then..., try again.

ANGER --- "%$@^##& car!", "I should have junked you years ago." Did you slam your hand on the steering wheel? I have. "I should just leave you out in the rain and let you rust."

BARGAINING --- (realizing that you're going to be late for work)..., "Oh please car, if you will just start one more time I promise I'll buy you a brand new battery, get a tune up, new tires, belts and hoses, and keep you in perfect working condition.

DEPRESSION --- "Oh God, what am I going to do. I'm going to be late for work. I give up. My job is at risk and I don't really care any more. What's the use".

ACCEPTANCE --- "Ok. It's dead. Guess I had better call the Auto Club or find another way to work. Time to get on with my day; I'll deal with this later."

What we SHOULD do is use the acronym TEAR:
T = To accept the reality of the loss
E = Experience the pain of the loss
A = Adjust to the new environment without the lost object
R = Reinvest in the new reality

Answer 4

When someone says to move on, I don't think they mean to forget about the person. You remember them, but you don't let them take over your mind and not let you live your life normally.

You can cry about it, allow your mind scream, whatever, because tragedy hurts, but you can't just allow it to hurt forever.