This is not a joke, but I'm sure humor may be involved. I really want to have less tension and better times with her. Especially since I will be moving to her neck of the woods next year. We get along okay but we both know we are not one another's favorite person. Without getting into the problems, how could we get along better and totally eliminate fakeness? Thanks for your answers!
2007-05-11 23:10:57 · 13 answers · asked by Sleek 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
This may be an odd way to look at a MIL relationship but you say you both already know you're not each others favorite person. Maybe what you need to do is try to work with her as you would an acquaintance instead of as a friend. What I mean is don't look for this close relationship without fakeness to develop. Work to have some mutual respect and an ability to work together towards common goals. Accept that early on there is going to be some fakeness as you learn about each other. If you can keep your goal of being partners in the family you should be able to live near her without too much friction, at least not friction starting with you. And you may eventually develop a stronger relationship over time.
2007-05-11 23:33:56 · answer #1 · answered by Critter 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It is never easy to live in harmony with another individual. More so a mother-in-law (we are not their child and thus, we cant to offend them , even unconsciously because they are not as forgiving to us as they would their own offspring). However, not all individuals are alike, so there is not hard and fast rules or method. However, here are some of my suggestions. Most mother in laws feel that they lost their affections from their son after they get married. Its a form of jealousy even if hes her son. So, try to create a chance for your husband to be closer to his mother . This will be good for both sides as alot of couples quarrel over their spouses' time given to their parents. This can be achieved by say, inviting her for outings or meals. Show her your concern by bringing her to the doctor together. This will show that you are concerned about her , because if a son brings , they will think its their duty. Ask her for opinion on important issues but adopting it or not is another matter. Respecting someone and making someone important are two different matters. By mentioning "eliminating fakeness", you are already hitting the jackpot. Be nice to her but sincerely (from the heart) not faking it. Your sincererity will touch her heart. Mothers day is approaching, may this create the first opportunity for you. All the best !!!!
2007-05-11 23:38:20 · answer #2 · answered by Vico 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Simply be yourself. Then she will eventually see what it is about you that made her son fall in love with you. Some mothers are very funny when it comes to their sons. She is probably just feeling you out and at the same time she may be feeling a bit of jealousy... Just be yourself and forget fake... She will either like you or she wont. You are a grown women and so is she, and her son loves you... By all means never say anything to her son about her, no matter if you are correct. Good luck and God bless****
2007-05-19 15:38:58 · answer #3 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mother-in-law lives with us, she is just coming out of cancer treatment and it is either live with us or go to a nursing home. Having seen nursing homes in the past, I wouldn't put an enemy in one of those.
So, how do we get along? In all honesty, we don't. We are as different as night and day. She likes a front yard filled with little statues and bird houses ... I like broad expanse of lawn and a more formal garden. She wants every dish and pan on the counter where she can get to it easy ... I want everything put away. She likes old movies and thinks Bill O'Reilly should have a gospel in the Bible .... I like newer action films and think Bill O'Reilly should be shot lol.
So how do we manage? By remembering the one most important fact always ... we both love the same man and we both adore the same children (my husband and two girls). I have to always keep in mind that she and I don't have to agree or be alike, but we do have to love each other. Love is something that you do btw, not something you feel.
So I do for her, and I keep my mouth shut when she talks politics, and she lets me do the kitchen to my satisfaction and I let her hang birdfeeders in the trees in the front yard.
We give and take to keep our man and our girls happy :)
2007-05-12 01:42:16 · answer #4 · answered by arewethereyet 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I don't have a mother in law. She died when he was 10 from Pancreas Cancer. She was 43. I do have a Father in Law though, and he's a typical know it all.
2016-05-21 02:18:20 · answer #5 · answered by zelma 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ear plugs, duct tape (placed over your mouth), and a fake smile,lol. Sorry, I couldn't help it.
Have you tried talking to her honestly? Sit down with her, write a letter or call her and tell her how you feel. That you care about her and wish you were closer. You may be surprised at how she responds. Suggest that you spend time together doing something you both like. You could go shopping or for dinner. Good luck.
2007-05-12 00:15:43 · answer #6 · answered by QT 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Mother-in-laws ,,,, They are the inspiration for twin beds ,,,,
Mother-in-laws ,,,, They are a prime example why they shouldn't allow monkeys ,, apes ,, gorillas ,, or baboons to mate ,,,,
Mother-in-laws ,,,, They try to relive their own child hood through that of their children ,,,,
Mother-in-laws ,,,, If they had a brain they'd be dangerous ,,,,
Mother-in-laws ,,,, If it has tires ,, gears ,, or moving parts you are going to have trouble with it ,,,, The only functional and moving part on a mother-in-law is the mouth ,,,,
Mother-in-laws ,,,, They don't know where to wipe after using the stool because both ends are alike ,,,,
Mother-in-laws ,,,, They have a head like a brick and a marshmallow for a brain ,,,, They are air heads and brain dead ,,,,
I could go on but a mother-in-law isn't worth the effort ,,,, I have to use the bathroom any way and flush another one down the stool ,,,,
The only ones that will not agree and give me a thumbs down for this answer is Mother-in-laws ,,,, LOL
2007-05-11 23:44:17 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
I would say to keep the relationship in perspective. Remember you cant pick your family, it is what it is. I now realize that i tried way to hard to please the in laws when I first got married. Your main focus must always be on the relationship with your spouse. Regardless of what they may think, if they don't pay your bills, raise your kids, or employ you; in my opinion, you don't owe them anything more than your common courtesy, and you should expect that of them also.
2007-05-19 02:55:55 · answer #8 · answered by wundumgai 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gooood luck!! I'm sorry i had to do that. lol I think its very sweet and decent of you for wanting to try. Thats great!!
I Never really cared or liked mine.
Just get things out in the open and then bury the hatchet i would say. In time, you may become the very best of friends. Best wishes
2007-05-12 01:49:06 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you try to do it you'll be in deep trouble before you know it. If you give your hand, you'll be pulled in a mud. She is hierarchically above you and she is not forgetting it be sure of it. She feels that her strong position there must not be touched by anybody and your presence is annoying to her in this aspect. So DON'T TRY TO MAKE IT BETTER BECAUSE ANY KIND OF SHOWING POWER (to be good, i.e. better person then she is by her interpretation regarding her position) TO HER, IS A SUICIDE.
Stay aside as much as you can, mind your business and jus be polite.
2007-05-11 23:23:11 · answer #10 · answered by Wintermute 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋