should i leave my boyfriend who has cancer? i am too scared to watch him dying?

Question

my live-in boyfriend of 2 years has diagnosed with cancer 4 months ago, he is under treatement now, seems to be successful, however the doctor said he may not live pass 10 years as cancer can come back even after remission. We are both 27 years old, I am very scared to witness him 'dying' one day, I am not strong enough to go thru this. Its not that i don't love him, maybe i love him too much, i can't handle his death one day, should i leave or stay? he has a family who could take care of him, also he eats crappy food and doesn't exercise which doesn't help his health

Answer 1

I know how you feel, it is hard seeing someone you love dying. But I think you will regret it forever if you do not stick with your boyfriend.
I left my home country years ago and I was abroad when my father was diagnosed with Melanoma. At the time we did not understand the gravity of the situation, but the illness was advanced and, although he looked well until about 2 months before the end, he died within 8 months from diagnose. I saw him one week before he died and he was in a very bad state. A ghost of himself. Now I wish I had dropped my job abroad and went back home to spend the last few months with him. There was no way of telling that his end was going to come so quickly, but I still have a guilt feeling which is never going to leave me.
My only comfort is that dad came to stay with my partner and I for a week just before he got really ill. We spent a fanstatic week together and I will cherish the memory for ever.

You will miss him if he dies, but you will have the memories to keep in your hearth. If you leave him now, you will never know what it could have been like if you stayed and you will never forgive yourself for not having helped him with your love,

My sympathy to you, as I know how hard it is!
Hugs xx

Answer 2

As a person dealing with cancer and the fiancee of the lovely khara3san above me, Id like to say... dont leave him... more than likely one of his biggest fears in this is that people wont want to be near him. Keep in mind also, he will probably need some space at times if he feels like he's a burden... if he does, dont take it personal.

I was given 12-18 months to live... 4 YEARS ago! I'm not cured yet but Im doing a whole lot better than they (doctors) thought I would. They dont know everything, and as a matter of fact, sometimes I think they may tell people they're worse off than they really are, maybe so they look better themselves when the person recovers.

Stay strong, it will help him remain strong. :)

Answer 3

I think if you love him, you should stick by him. It's obviously hard to be strong but you can do it. Yes, cancer can go into remission and come back, but that doesn't mean it will....if it does you just have to fight it again. We live in an age now where cancer no longer automatically means death. There are options. If you want to have a future with him, and if you truly love him stick with him. Be strong for him. And while it is very true that diet and exercise is important in order to be healthy, it's not always a factor in cancer. Look at Lance Armstrong!! He was probably healthier and stronger than you or I when he was diagnosed! So you see, you have to fight with him, and you have to have HOPE. Good luck.

Answer 4

MY heart truly goes out to you at this awful time. You are not losing it at all. All your feelings and emotions are perfectly normal ones that many experience when a loved one is dying. I have nursed many with cancer and I am sure your Father will slip into a coma and pass on peacefully. It is you and your family that have to be strong and pick up the peaces when he has gone. I am sure your father knows how much you love him and you certainly sound like a very loving and devoted daughter. Let yourself cry and do keep talking to people as it does help. I would strongly suggest some bereavement counselling as that does help you on the road to the healing process after. You are not wrong or unusual to wish this was all over and I know you are dreading what is iminant...your Fathers death. Strangely enough most relatives have told me that there is huge relief when their loved one has passed on as the pending death (or many describe as suffering ) has passed. I am sure with the Morphine your fathers pain will be well controlled. Steroids are usually prescribed to halp with the inflammation in the brain caused by the tumours. You may well notice a decline once he comes off the steroids. You are also having to cope without the love and support of your boyfriend. Could your Fathers illness be the cause of this break up? Sometimes family pressures can cuase us to be very different with our loved ones. Please talk and keep talking to your family and seek comfort from friends. I lost a boyfriend (not the same as losing a Dad I know) and the grief was undescribable BUT what helped me heal with time was having my friends around and later on some berevavemnt counselling. I wish you well. xx

Answer 5

When you've run the horror of being afraid of death and such ... get back into a new routine with your partner. Perhaps you have not had time to talk about whats ahead - do so. My wonderful partner was issued his diagnosis 4 years ago and given a very short time to live - he's defied the odds stacked against him. We talk about things and I research on our behalf. If *not knowing* frightens you then I encourage you to get *in the know* ... that in itself can take away alot of the fear. You could easily be his biggest source of help and information now after medical professionals.

I encourage you to stay with him as others here have.

I wish your partner a speedy recovery and a rich future for you both.

Answer 6

Ask yourself, how would you feel if someone loved you but you had a life threatening disease (that you could not help) and they wanted to leave you because they were not strong! Perhaps, you are a little selfish and a relationship is not for you!
Maybe you will be doing him a favor because he needs someone who is unselfish, caring and loving in his corner. Not someone who is concerned about their own pain first!

I am not one to be on a soap box but that really ticks me off! My mother died of cancer 2 years ago... And there is no telling how long someone will be here on general principle. You can get hit by a bus today or tomorrow... what would you say if that happened, "oh I should have left him."

Please think about what you are asking this is not a forum to entertain stupidity!

In addition, I hope you never come down with anything life threatening... because I would hate for you to be left at your time of need!

God bless you & hopefully your live-in boyfriend can find someone who cares because obviously you don't!

Answer 7

your not strong enough to go thru this?!?! id you ever once stop and think about how he feels or were you too worried about your feelings? yeah it's hard to watch someone suffer and its hard even harder to watch someone die, but if you TRULY cared about him you would stand by him NO MATTER WHAT and be there for him thru it all. people like you disgust me. you think about no one but yourself and as soon as life gets too real for you,you run away and hide until its all OK again. you know do he man a favor leave him because he deserves better than you. and what does diet and exercise have to do with any of it? and not everyone that has cancer dies. one of my grandfathers had cancer and after the Dr's gave him 1 year to live he lived another 20 years. i hope he makes a full recovery and kicks your sorry *** to the curb.

Answer 8

My boyfriend of 3 years just got dignosed with Stage 3 brain cancer, and after remission the expect it to grow back Stage 4, and at twice the speed. I understand what your going through, but my boyfriend refers to me as "his backbone". The though of leaving him has not crossed my mind, and I know it never will.

Try and stay strong, and not just for you, but for Him. He needs you , so try and stick it out.

Answer 9

Being afraid to watch someone die is very human reaction. However, if you really love him, REALLY love him, cast aside YOUR fear in lieu of HIS feelings during his last weeks.

Your life, your character can be made soooo much more strong and rich by sticking by him.

Also, he'll have a reaction. Do you want him to die, knowing that you couldn't stand it and left?

Saying he has a family who can care for him strike me as a cop-out, giving you permission to walk out.

Again, I reiterate, that you'll grow so much by experiencing this and not running away; this path is part of the circle of life. If you get hospice to help you, they can support you through this process.

Answer 10

Every once in awhile someone will post this type of nonsense.

Unfortunately you seem to be of weak, selfish, and shallow character and are not good enough for him. He needs loyalty, strength, determination, dedication, and unconditional love at this point in time. None of which you seem to have. You do not love him or you would not have posted this question.

The irony of all of this is that for the rest of your life you will live in guilt and misery for this decision . . no matter what you decide. If you leave, you'll regret it. If you stay, you'll regret it.

It will haunt you.