virginity...helpful or harmful?

Question

I am 17 and a virgin. The thing is I've had four boyfriends and three of them cheated on me. They slept with another girl. The fourth threatened to cheat if I didnt sleep with him. I at first thought that me being a virgin is something to be proud of, but it seems like that is why I keep getting hurt. I dont know what to do. I dont want to do anything with just any guy you know? I want to love them. But it seems like the more I dont the more I get hurt. What should I do?

Answer 1

You just keep doing what you are doing now. If the guy loved you than he would wait until you are ready. When you first start the relationship be open about the fact that you don't just have sex with anyone and if that is all they are looking for than they need to look next door. If they ask you on a second date than they either think you will give in or they really like you and are willing to wait. Be proud that you are a virgin and don't let anyone tell you any different. You are smart and will be very special to the man who does fall in love with you!!

Answer 2

This is something that ultimately you have to answer yourself. Is it worth it? To begin with, if your boyfriend is telling you that he's going to cheat on you if you don't sleep with him, there's a good chance he's going to cheat anyway. The guy's a loser.

The other thing is, this is something that you don't get back. As a teenager, you're going to get hurt. A lot, trust me, I've been there and I've seen every screwed up thing possible. The hurt goes away. Just remember, it's your body, and it's your choice. Don't give it up to just anybody, do it when it feels right, not because some jerk gives you an ultimatum.

Answer 3

If you want to get to your mariage being a virgin then you must find a guy who thinks in those same terms. So, my advice to you is to find a guy on church or some other conservative organisation. Alternatively, you may want to look for a guy from a different nationality that value that kind of thing. Modern men don't care about such things as virginity. Virginity is really something Men made up to put a price on women. You see back in the day marriage where either arranged or where done for the purpose of gaining land or power. The notion of getting m,arried for the sake of love is a very modern thing. I would dare say withing the last 200 years give or take. Back in the day, in order for a man to marry he would have to give a dawry to the brides parents. The price was very steep. In laymans terms he almost paid for a wife. Ofcourse the family had to like him, but more importantly they had to like who he is money wise. Of course, if you are paying for a wife like any other item, you would want an un used item. So, a virgin would be more valuable than an experience woman just like a new car is more expensive than an used car.

Now adays, it is not like this. Being a virgin today means lack of experience not that a person is virtuous or not. What does having sex has anything to do with virtuosity? Yes, there are still stigmas about sex. If you get around too much then you don't get a good reputation but there are good reasons for this. 1) os diseases. 2) is loyalty. Somebody who sleeps around a lot does not seems loyal. Kind of like a person who is always changing their minds or job hops too much. Today, people can move around great distances. You can be the biggest slut in one town but, you can move to a different part of your country or to another country and you are basically starting from scratch. So, again, it won't matter if they don't know. So, thats the thruth about the state of virginity in todays society. The only other people that I know that respect a womans virginity are older pervy guys. And this is because they would consider it a treat. Is a control thing and I don't have the time to explain it right now. All you need to know is that such things exist.

Ok, so what should you do. The correct answer is do what makes you happy. If your belief is to remain virgin until X date then do so. You should not loose your virginity to please somebody else. Do it for yourself.

So, what will happen once you loose your virginity. The answer is not much really. Is like a mile stone. Once you cross it you move on to other things. Loosing your virginity can range to being the greatest thing ever to the most horrifying experience ever. Your mileage may varried. Mine was not that good. Actually not good at all. Would I done it differently? In hind sight yes, but I don't go around thinking in those terms all day. Every once in a great while I vaguely remember how it all went but I did not gave it that much importance. All, I know is now with my wife is going really great.

Note: Don't fool yourself into thinking that something out of the extra ordinary is going to happen. I think you will be more disapointed than anything else. It is not like you are giving your sole to that special person. A person will not stay with you the rest of your life because you gave them your virginity. And why would they. A relation ship is built on many things, one of them is sex but is not the whole picture. Just some things to consider. Again, I'm not saying to go out tonight and give it to the first person you see. All I'm saying is be realistic about it. If you want to wait then wait. Do what makes you happy. However, don't expect everybody else to think the same way.

Answer 4

First of all, this happened to me as well. I was 16, a virgin, and had a boyfriend. He cheated, then dumped me. He said it was because we didn't talk anymore, but his friends said it was because I wouldn't give it up, and apparently, the other girl did...
If a guy isn't willing to wait until your ready, then forget him. There are still descent guys out there that will care enough to wait till your both ready. Don't give in and give up (your virginity), or else you will reget doing so later. If you decide to sleep with a guy cause you think he might stay with you, don't, it may just backfire, and may end up with him dump you anyway, and believe me, that will hurt worse because then you will feel used.
I believe losing ones virginity is more 'intimate' for us girls, and you want to lose it to someone that cares about YOU , not just what's in your pants.

Answer 5

If this guy truly cares and loves you, then he would respect you and be proud to have a girlfriend that is a virgin. He is obviously not the one you want to lose your virginity to. I was the same age when I decided to sleep with someone. I did it because I felt I was ready. You have to remember that once it's gone, you'll never get it back. Don't succumb to pressure. Be strong. Be proud. Stand up for what you KNOW is right.

Answer 6

Virginity is not harmful. If it were, how come so many different cultures value it so much? Premarital virginity is something to be proud of, seeing as how so many girls give in to it, only to have the guy leave them in the end anyway. Anyway, it's really up to you to decide if that's what you want to do or not. Being a virgin is definitely not what makes you vulnerable to crappy boyfriends. In fact, it should demand more respect on their part, because it's like, "Hey, I'm not easy. I'm not your sex slave."

I think the real problem is that you just haven't met the right kind of guy yet. If you're 17, the guys you're dealing with are still immature and ALL they want is sex. I'm sure you've heard this before. The first three bfs must be some horny scum of the earth to have to cheat on you. About your fourth boyfriend, it sounds like he didn't care about your values or what you feel.

That's one way guys try to get you to do what they want: "Do this or I'll leave you." I'm guessing you broke up with him after that and did not have sex with him. I congratulate you! That already shows you're self-assured enough not to subject yourself to others' demands, and I have no doubt that in the future you will be able to handle sticky situations like that because you already have a mind of your own.

Here are two perspectives for you to consider:

If you want to save your virginity for marriage, then that's great, and your husband will be so very proud of you. Trust me, guys who marry virgins have this sense of, "I'm the first one you've ever made love to" and they feel a helluva lot more special than if they were #14 in a woman's life.

But if you meet someone you want to give yourself to, then you just need to be honest with yourself and make sure that you're ready to go through with it, because if you're not ready and you do it anyway, it results in psychological repercussions such as regret, shame, attachment, etc.

Good luck to you, I'm sure there's a guy for you out there somewhere who'll respect your values, because he will be the one who actually cares about you for you, and not just care about you for your body.

Answer 7

Don't give in to these guy's all they are after is sex and not a proper relationship. Your virginity will be your salvation, when you find the man you want to spend the rest of your life with he will cherish you even more, than someone who has put it about. Hold on until you feel it is right for you and you will feel much safer.

Answer 8

What makes you think these 3 guys would not cheat on you if you slept with them? Now imagine if you did sleep with them and they still went on and cheated (surprise...surprise...guys do that!!) how would you feel then?
We all have some principals in life that if we step on them, they will come back to haunt us because then we have nothing to stand on.

Answer 9

If this guy threatened to cheat just because you won't have sex with him, you should really find yourself a better guy who will cherish the fact that you're a virgin.

Answer 10

giving up your virginity would be harmful. The first time is special, hopefully with the one you marry. Do you want to look back and remember your first time with someone not special or giving in because of social pressure?