Tell me a joke that makes me laugh so much that i fall off my computer chair!!!?

Answer 1

there was one boy his teacher told him go learn talking he went home and asked his mother teach me his mother was fighting with his father soo she said shutup then he went and saw a movie called jeff hardy and then he went and heard a song that was like this 'cumon cumon lets go' soo he went skool and the teacher asked him what did u learn he told him shutup then the teacher asked him who taught u that he said jeff hardy then the teacher told him ill take u to the principal of the skool then he said cumon cumon lets go

Answer 2

There was three blondes at the University of Texas. The Dean gave them the job of measuring the height of the new flagpole. So they put the flag pole in the base and are then on ladders trying to measure the flagpole. Finally an architect walks by and sees they are having trouble so he takes the pole out of the ground and lays it down and pulls out his tape measure and measures the pole. He writes the measurement on a piece of paper and walks away. The blondes look at each other and say "Just like those damn architects give us length when we wanted height

Answer 3

Q: Moms have Mother’s Day and dads have Father’s Day. What do single guys have?

A: Palm Sunday.
Here is another

A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you."

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."

The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"

"Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed.

"What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"

"The kind of people that would name a rottweiler Jesus

Answer 4

A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband's best
friend. They ... for hours, and afterwards, while they're just laying there,
the phone rings. Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. Her
lover looksover at her and listens, only hearing her side of the
conversation...
(She is speaking in a cheery voice)"Hello? Oh, hi. I'm so glad that you
called. Really? That's wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds
terrifiic. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye bye."
She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?"
"Oh" she replies, "that was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time
he's having on his fishing trip with you."

Answer 5

Legend has it that there is a bar in ny the place, in the ladies room there is an extremely specific replicate. If one stands in front of the replicate and tells the reality, one desire is granted. besides the undeniable fact that, if one tells a lie then with a “POOF” you're directly swallowed up by potential of the replicate, in no thank you to be seen returned. So, a redhead of questionable looks walks into the ladies room and stands earlier the replicate and says, "i think of i'm the main alluring lady in the worldwide." “POOF” The replicate swallows her. next a touch super brunette stands earlier the replicate and says, "i think of i'm the sexiest lady alive." “POOF” The replicate swallows her. Then a very alluring blonde is provided in and stands earlier the replicate and says, "i think of. . . ." “POOF”

Answer 6

Three guys are survivors of a shipwreck. They find themselves washed ashore and hungry. Together they wander along a jungle trail looking for something to eat.
They get snatched up in a net trap and are dangling above the trail now. Along comes the local cannibal tribe -bones through noses, teeth necklaces, all of it. They are let down, tied up, and brought in front of the village's Chief
The Chief says to the first man, I will rip off your head drink your blood and use your skin for my canoe. You may have one last request, what will it be?
"Give me a knife!" the guard looks nervously to the chief who nods. "God Bless the USA" and slices his throat and dies in front of the astonished tribe.
The Chief says to the second man "I will rip off your head drink your blood and use your skin for my canoe. You may have one last request, what will it be?"
"Give me a knife!" He's handed the American's knife.
"God Bless the Queen!" and slices his throat and dies in front of the astonished tribe.
The Chief, impressed, says to the third man "I will rip off your head drink your blood and use your skin for my canoe. You may have one last request, what will it be?"
Grinning ear to ear he says "Give me a fork!" the guard looks at the chief quickly who allows it. "Screw your canoe!" and starts repeatedly stabbing himself in the chest.

This is the most funny if you stand up and kinda act it out. with no fork! (reads knife too) pounding on your chest, yelling screw your canoe, thats just funny.

Answer 7

well there was three girls walking down a railroad tussel and the one girl said to the other girl's (I've got p )the girls told her you cant do that here .what if a train comes.the girl said (well you watch for me)so the girls turn to to see if a train was coming.and the girl squatted down and began to pee when all of a sudden she starts screaming (oh my god I'm peeing into a canoe )the other girls said (noway) so they came over to where she was and looked down below and the one girl screams that's not a canoe that's your reflection in the water..........

Answer 8

my friends told me this one on easter

what did the egg say to the boiling pot of water?






































It might take me awhile to get hard i just got laid by the chicken!

Answer 9

Two muffins are in an oven. One says to the other "gee... it sure is hot in here."

And the other one goes "HOLY $HIT!! A TALKING MUFFIN!"

Answer 10

your so fat and big
when you went to the beach the whales started singing "we are family!"