Do you think it should be allowed for soldiers' ex-spouses get custody of the children while they are serving?

Question

This problem is exacerbated by the increasing number of National Guard members being deployed, and by the higher rate of divorce among military personnelle. Since the National Guard members tend to be older the are much more likely to have children, spouses, and ex-spouses, they are particularly vulnerable. I think this is a tough subject...who's right and who's wrong? Should the military spouse be penalized for doing their duty?

But giving permanent custody while the other spouse is still serving/deployed. It seems underhanded to me. One woman has spent nearly $100,000 fighting it since she's gotten back.

Answer 1

This is a hard question to answer. I was going through a divorce and I was the one on active duty. I got custody of my daughter and he got visitation. It all amounts to what you fight for. There isn't any reason why custody can't be split 50/50. Yes, there will be times when the military member might have to be way, but that should/would be understood from the beginning. This is way most family courts have mediation teams that can help work things out so that both parent feel like they are doing what is best for the children.

That is really the issue...doing what is best for the child.

Answer 2

It's totally unfair and a perfect example of when legislation has not been updated to reflect the modern issues military personnel face. While it is often necessary for an ex-spouse to obtain temporary custody of children while soldiers are deployed or training, it is understood to be just that - temporary. It gives medical and legal rights to the person who will care for the child. This is all the more reprehensible when one considers that the Service Members Civil Relief Act stays all civil court proceedings against deployed military personnel preventing creditors from seizing assets or civilian health benefits from being reinstated (and delays bankruptcy and divorce proceedings) upon their return but does not address this one issue of paramount importance to enlisted personnel. These children are being stolen from their military parents by some family court judges who are declaring that family law trumps the federal law protecting service members because it is their duty to determine what is in the best interest of the child.

Answer 3

I don't think that people should lose custody of their children just because they are serving in the military. I think joint custody seems to work even when the child is living with the serving parent. When you're in the military and are not married but have children you usually have a family care plan made that says where your children would go if you were to be deployed. In the event of deployment those plans usually give full custody to the other parent while the serving parent is away but upon their return things go back to the way they were. My husband is a member of military and if we were to get divorced, I don't think he should lose custody completely, just enough to where we would share it.

Answer 4

Honestly, by signing a contract with the government/military, you are responsible for the fact you may be deployed for extended periods of time. What do you honestly expect to happen to children involved? They obviously can't be deployed right along with the service member. This seems to me like a no brainer...if there is no reason other than a deployment that the children were placed with the other parent, then there is obviously going to be no reason the service member cannot pick up where he/she left off before being deployed (ie: joint custody, etc). Does this make sense? What I am trying to say is, judges aren't blind. They aren't in the business of punishing service members for going overseas.

If the particular service member is having to fight to get his/her children, chances are the other parent's grounds for contesting it have little or nothing to do with a deployment. A judge would laugh in their face. Being in the military doesn't make you any less of a parent and people know it. There has to be more to the story than just "I am doing my job and got sent overseas, and a judge took my kids away." That just doesn't make sense.

Answer 5

Well, who else would have custody of the child?

Legally, even out of the military, if the custodial parent cannot perform his/her duty to the child/ren the non-custodial parent gets guardianship over that child.

So, in a military setting I believe it should be the same. When a military member signs up they all of this is explained. Heck, single mothers and fathers can't even join the US Military without signing over their rights. I feel it's only fair for the time the service member is deployed the biological mother/father [non-custodial parent] should get rights in general.

I also believe this should be addressed in court as soon as orders are issued on a case by case matter.

Answer 6

Well the person who married into the life style dam well know what to expect and what might happen.

My husband and I had serious maritle problems before he deployed. we fought for 2 months over the phone and finally worked it out. If a person cant handle being seperated from their spouse for a year or more than they shouldnt have even botherd looking at a soldier for a family. Including the seperation when not deployed, but for trainning and such. I looked at it as a cool off period. a get away from the husband and enjoyed rubbing him down after every field time they had.

I think the spouse who cant handle it needs to step back and cool off and rethink. Military life is stressful for family and needs a strong support and understanding from both partners. It's each others responisbility to spot a problem that is starting to come up. Needs to be addressed and fixed fast.
Just because you serve dont mean you cant have your kids, they do have child care for after schools and day care. Its your job to get it all set up.

If they do nothing about it then its their fault for not trying.

Answer 7

Is there any chance at all we could be fair to the soldiers? Isn't it bad enough that they get sent overseas? Then some of them get notified that they have been divorced. How bad would that hurt? And then on top of that they lose custody of their children. My God. "For better or for worse" ought to mean a little more than that. Honor these soldiers! They are putting their lives on the line. Whether you agree with the war or not (I don't) they are owed respect and my God at least a little humanity. If you must divorce the husband (or wife!) you married for life could you at least have the decency to wait until he or she is back in the US before delivering this cruel, merciless blow.

Answer 8

I believe the ex should have temporary custody " until" the soldier returns ,but "only " if the other parent is fit to do the job. Otherwise, I think that the parent of the soldier should have temporary custody.

Answer 9

Exactly what do you expect the judge to do with the children if they do not allow the ex to get custody? Deploy them along with the service personell?

Answer 10

no the ex should not get custody of the child just because the other is over seas. the child should go to the parent(s) of the one serving. other wise there will be more legal matters for the service member have to cope with upon returning. he has enough to worry about.