I posted on here before about a girl I liked having problems as her Grandad was dying. She text me yesterday apologizing for being distant explaining she had big problems on her mind and that her Grandad had died last Friday.
It sounded like she was looking for a shoulder to cry on but I am useless in this situation, if I have a problem like that I tend to go very quiet. So I tried my best and told her I'm there for her if she needs me for anything and all that sort of stuff and I tried my best to listen and offer advice, but another problem was I was ill yesterday and when I was trying to write the right words I couldn't concentrate very well. I'm hoping I didn't come across as I wasn't interested as that wasn't my intention at all, of course I'll do what I can if she needs me, but my mates would call me a 'blokey bloke' and I'm not that good with emotions and all that stuff.
So my question is, Did I handle it OK? What should I have said? Or what could I still say that might help?
2007-05-11 11:48:27 · 3 answers · asked by mikester_tyson 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
she's not exactly a friend but not exactly more yet, the reason we haven't got anywhere yet was because of her Grandads situation, yeah I do want to take her out but she wouldn't come out before because of the situation. I don't think she really wanted to date and take on more issues with her already having enough to deal with. The funeral is Tuesday so I'll send her a message on that morning I don't want to smother her or seem desperate, should I text her in the meantime to see how she is?
Also and most importantly, she is very vulnerable and I know she still keeps in contact with her ex (he cheated on her) how likely is it she will turn to him for a shoulder to cry on?
2007-05-11 11:49:29 · update #1
I can't go to the funeral or wake, it is in Southampton so traveling that far would be weird if nothing else. I want to do something but not sure what exactly. I plan to at least send her a text message on the morning just to let her know I'm thinking of her on such a difficult day.
2007-05-11 11:56:57 · update #2
Send FLOWERS to the funeral. It's a very nice gesture, a method of showing support and it's polite. If you don't know where to send them, ask her. Just say "I'd like to send flowers to the funeral, where should they be sent?"
Most of us don't really know what to say when a loved one dies. It's perfectly fine to say "I don't know what to say, but I am deeply saddened by your loss" or something to that effect. You can also buy a card of sympathy -- they are beautifully worded and if you try hard enough you can find one that says what you wish YOU could say.
The WORST thing you can do is nothing. Let her know, with a card, flowers AND words that you are thinking of her in her time of sadness. That isn't smothering her, it's being polite and thoughtful.
Good luck.
2007-05-11 11:58:32 · answer #1 · answered by luvrats 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can, it would be nice if you made a short appearance at the wake. It would let her know that you really mean what you said and that you like her enough to be there for her.
If you can't go, at least send a sympathy card addressed to her family and her.
Sometimes doing nothing is the wrong thing.
2007-05-11 18:54:17 · answer #2 · answered by kny390 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she needs a shoulder....
2007-05-11 18:53:12 · answer #3 · answered by dreamgirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋