AmI overreacting or is my mother in law wrong??

Question

I let my son go with his grandma today, and they were supposed to be going back to her house (15 minutes away) and playing, and he was supposed to be home by 3pm. 4:30 rolls around and they pull up to my house like nothings wrong(While I have been trying to call her cell and house for over an hour). She says shes sorry she is late but the train took longer than they thought. I asked what she was talking about, and she tells me she took my son on a train to NY city for a ride, without asking me if it was alright. I was totally pissed off and told her she had no business taking him on any trip without letting me know. nd to top it off she threw out his brand new shoes that I bought him, and bought him new ones because the ones he was wearing were a little to big. I spent 50$ on those darned shoes. She told me to relax I was really overreacting she thought she was doing me a favor, by making sure he had "good" shoes. I was more upset about her taking him on a train W/O my approval

Was I over reacting? I mean Anything could have happened and I had no clue where they were. She then told my son, "tell mommy to chill out" He is 4, I dont want him being fresh to anyone. Ughhhhh. I am so P.O. I told her she cant take him anywere anymore because she refuses to respect my wishes. I told her he was my son and I should make decisions concerning big trips, like a ride on a train to NYcity. She told me she was his grandma and she should not be made to feel she needs an appointment to do things with her grandson. I just told her to go home, so I could cool down, and not say things that I didnt mean. Am I just feeling jealous? Does anyone see my point, or do you think I am being rediculus? I feel bad for being sharp with her, but I was so upset, do I owe her an appology, or does she owe me one???

Let me also say she is a loving grandma, and I know she would lay down her life for him, but I do want the respect of asking my permission before she does things like these. I love her, we have our spats and always laugh about them later, but this is my child, my baby, and I cannot just laugh about her taking him, and throwing my money away, and having him be fresh to me. Will I always battle her on these things? I want my son to love and respect his grandma, she is the only grandparent that takes any interest in him. How do I get through to her without being defensive and aggressive, and still get her to listen. She is a bit of a scatter brain and blows people off if she doesnt like what they are saying.

Answer 1

I don't think you are overreacting at all.If any one is going to be late relative or not while they are responsible for your child should call you no excuses and to throw away the shoes you paid good money for is ridiculous. Sure she could have gotten him another pair of sneaks but throwing the others away is absolutely uncalled for. I do not think you overreacted at all and she should understand being a mother of a young child once herself And if anyone is changing plans on how a day will be spent with your child you have every right to know before hand that way you know where they are and how to find them in the event of an emergency

Answer 2

Don't worry you didn't over react! Now you know you must set some rules with your grandparents. Make sure they know the next time they plan to do something like this they are to call you. Make sure they have a cell phone with them at all times. It must of been a nightmare waiting for them to return home, but praise God nothing happen. You are going to really need your mother in law help in the future so therefore, it is important to keep a relationship with them, and your child needs them. You should request for them to pay you the $50.00 dollars.

If the shoes where too big, and then they should remove them, but not throw them away. Big shoes on 4 years old will cause foot problems. Make sure they have a cell phone.

God Bless

Answer 3

Hi there i agreee with you on that she should not have taken your son without your permission but she genuinely thouth she was helping you by getting him new shoes she was wrong to throw away the others , he would have grown into them but dont be to hard on either yourself or her remember life is to short for argueing i have a friend who is terminally ill and she would love the opportunity to take her grandson for new shoes so think about it life is hard just agree to both apologise and try to reconcile your family before a huge gap evolves also ask her the next time she decided to do anything like that to let you know what she is planning in case you have made alternative arrangements for you and your son it is just courteous to letyou know where nd why she is tking him show her this and see what she thinks best wishes to you all for the future .

Answer 4

she was only an 1hr 30 min late and thats not too bad...i think she should have ASKED you abotu the trip first. But doesnt seem like too big of a deal. She needs a cell phone so that u can reach her at all times regardless. And abotu the shoes...she owes you $50. Tell her you'll take cash or credit. make sure u thank her for the new ones she bought but that still was wrong to throw anything like that away w/o your permission. Relax and reconcile.

Answer 5

I dont think that you need to feel bad... i think that you just need to set some rules.. he is your son... when she takes him let her know what time you expect him back and if they are running late they need to call or text you. Let her know that no matter how good of care you know that she will take of him, you worry no matter what for him and her safety, not knowing where someone is when they should of been home is a very scary feeling.
as far as the shoes... i would let her know that if she feels the need to buy somthing new... please return your items so what if they are a little big.. you can save them for 6 months and they would fit fine... now you have to go out and buy new shoes before expected for the fact that the new ones are smaller.

I think that a little communication will help, if she is not willing to listen then too bad she doesnt need anymore outings with him, she can come toyour home to visit where you can make sure that your rules are enforced.

Answer 6

I can see your side of this totally. If anything had happened to them you wouldn't ever have known. If anything had happened to you or your husband they were out of contact and couldn't have been told. If anything had happened with their house or in their neighborhood you would have had hours of fear thinking they were in the middle of that.

For the simple reasons of safety and common courtesy parents should be told where their kids are going and when they're going to be home and should be contacted when plans change. I'd be right there totally cutting off grandma's unsupervised visits with my kid if I were you.

And it would just be common sense that if you're going to buy something new for the kid you keep the "old" thing you're replacing too. Especially as her reasoning is that they were too big. He'll grow into them...or he would have.

I think you're going to want backup on this one, though, since this is your in-law. I'd be sitting down with DH and working out some rules for what your MIL can and cannot do with your son and then present those rules with a united front to her.

Answer 7

The shoes thing is completely wrong. Don't get on about the train thing. Talk to your husband first, and make sure that he understands your position - the last thing you need is to stand up to grandma and then have your husband side with her. It's okay if you feel a bit pissed about her taking him without letting you know - after all, he's your son...not hers!

Answer 8

Kids do it all the time (except the smoking) as do men. I would ask her nicely if she could wash her hands before opening the bread bag. As a guest in your home, she doesn't know your rules or what bothers you, so that should be all you should have to say. After reading all these comments, I'd like to know just how many of these same women have their husbands and children wash their hands before going into the refrigerator or getting bread from the package. I've never actually seen any guy do it. Stats already show most men don't wash their hands after using the toilet.

Answer 9

Calm down. You arent wrong. You have every right to know exactly where your son is. The way I see it she also owes you the money it cost for the shoes she tossed out. But I doubt you will get that. If it was my son she would no longer be allowed to be with him unsupervised for a very long long time.

Answer 10

I Would Have Got Pissed Also. Set Down With Her And Let Her Know Your Feelings. She Should Understand!! Just Be Honest To Her!!