What do you do when your fiance' wants to have your soon to be mother in law plan your wedding??

Question

I love my soon to be mom in law to death but I really wanna plan my own wedding. I know it's a couple of states over but i would rather do an all inclusive wedding knowing that everything will be taken care of by one person. Rather than having to go to several vendors and worry that someone will not show up. Makes me wonder if I should get married with a big wedding or just opt for the court house. Also he wants our wedding colors to be black and gold. I don't wanna look like a bunch of bumble bees. Does anyone have any advise that i can have without hurting his feelings?? Thanks alot

Answer 1

You need to tell both him and his mother that YOU will be taking care of the planning of the wedding. Be polite, tell her you appreciate her offer, but let her know in no uncertain terms you are going to do it since it is your day. As for the colors, it's nice that your fiance wants to take part in the planning and selections, but tell him that it has to be something you both agree on. If you've always wanted a big wedding, have your big wedding. Just make sure that everyone knows that its your wedding and you will plan it. Good luck to you.

Answer 2

Tell your fiance in a nice way that you would appreciate the pleasure of planning your own wedding. Tell him that it is a once in a life time thing and you want to handle the details. Also tell him that you don't like the wedding colors. If he gets a little annoyed, well too bad. Better that he get annoyed and his feeling hurt now than you losing control of your own wedding plans. Your Mother in Law should not interfere in your wedding plans. She should only give advice if and when she is asked. Good Luck...The only thing is don't lose your cool...tell him in a very pointed nice way...

Answer 3

Tell him you want it to be something that you do together, a wedding is about the two getting married and every single part should be about you two and only you two. Tell him that its your wedding and you want to be involved in every part of it as much as you can. You both have a part in this not just him, tell him you will settle with something similiar. Relationships are all about compromise he should understand and respect that enough to let you put in your two cents about the biggest day in your lives. If he doesn't want to compromise or listen to your suggestions then honey you got to put off on this wedding until you get things under control. (and a little joke- if your soon to be husband doesn't like the steelers football team then he needs to change colors.... A wedding is so much more different then a sucky football team. and if he is a fan then tell him that you dont want shoulder pads and everything under your wedding dress...lol) Hope every thing works out for you, good luck!

Answer 4

Well it's your wedding too. And this is a good exercise in honesty for the two of you. You're going to be spending the rest of your lives together, may as well learn now how to stand up for your own opinion!

Don't let the future mother in law plan for you. She can help you, but she needs to take direction from you.

Also, don't use a vendor that does everything "DJ, Videography & Photography" get vendors that specialize in their area of expertise. Otherwise, they are outsourcing and quality will ultimately suffer. So no ALL-IN-ONE vendors - trust me.

Good Luck and Congratulations!

Answer 5

Thats easy. Invite your soon to be mom in law into the planning stages so she feels she has contributed but let her know your ideas as well. Not all the planning, just the least important details that you would prefer to handle not to handle. Explain to your fiance' that Balck and Gold are pretty but everyone has those colors and that you want your day to be unique and special just like he is. Ask him if he has any alternative colors he likes. If he doesnt and persists suggest a third fourth and fifth color to use so ue can downplay the gold and black but still make him happy.

Answer 6

I must say I have to agree with your soon to be MIL that the theme is indeed a bit tacky HOWEVER, it is your wedding and you can do whatever the heck u like. If u wanted to serve happy meals to yr guests that's your prerogative and she needs to respect that. Unless she's paying for the wedding then ull have to respect her opinion. If not, then the hell with her. She can complain all she wants but since she's not the one paying or doing the actual planning (decorating, shopping for the dressed and boots) there's nothing she can do about it.

Answer 7

Hello - I am an older man and have had experience with Mother-Inlaws. They can be a real problem especially if they messing in your affairs. It sounds like your Fiance' may be a 'Mothers Boy' these men can be a real problem if this is true. I suggest you be careful in commiting to this man. I think my dear you have to stand up for yourself and let him know that you and him will plan your wedding. I did this with my wife. We had little money and our reception was held in a scout hall which we hired, decorated and organised the whole thing together. This brought us closer and our wedding was a most beautiful one. With bossy Mother In-laws, you have to make a stand and so does your future husband. This problem will plague you all your married life unless you get your fiance' now to make a stand to his own mother and pledge his heart to you. I know it will be hard dear but believe me if you do not make this stand now, you will regret it. I hope this is helpful and I wish you well. Peter

Answer 8

...let him know you have been dreaming about this special day since you were probably a little girl, and not to sound spoiled but you want it to be your day, and exactly how YOU want it...you can ask his opinion about certain things ( ie do you want red roses or white roses) don't let him think that he runs the show, just give him options... keeping him involved will not only make him feel special that you value his opinion but will also eliminate him saying well you don't include me and your being spoiled doing only what you want to do.... oh and the gold and black thing, would be fine if you were getting married in vegas by elvis ...tell him that you would prefer the colors that you want, but maybe suggest that at the rehersal dinner you two wear black with gold accents, so that way he gets what he wants too...

Answer 9

Advise your fiance that this is the ONLY wedding that you're planning on ever having.
This is supposed to be YOUR day and that either it will be planned by you to be the day that YOU'VE always dreamed of or there will be no marriage.
IF this is a sign of things to come.. does your soon to be mother-in-law going to raise your children, name your children, move your furniture around to suit her inside of the house that SHE picks out for you to live in??
Are you marrying an only child or an only son of this woman? If so, then you are going to have a rough time of it.

Answer 10

Put your foot down. It's YOUR day and YOU should plan it as you wish.
Since you mentioned it first...I would recommend the courthouse. Just remember, the more money you save on the wedding, the more there is for the honeymoon. ;)
Your fiance should understand by now that your feelings come first above ALL else. Just state your wishes and that will tell you where you stand with him. If he still wants mommy to do it, he's not ready to cut the apron strings.