Hello all!
I have a 17 month old bi-racial daughter (I am white and her father was Hispanic). Her father abandoned us, and has never seen her. I am now engaged to a wonderful man who accepts us both lovingly. He is also white.
My problem is, when we are out in public, some people ask rude and very personal questions about my daughter. I have been asked if I cheated on my boyfriend, asked where we adopted her from, and why she looks nothing like either of us.
My fiance plans to adopt my daughter when we are married. I am just wondering how to respond to people who are presumptuous and ask such questions???!!!
What would YOU say???
2007-05-11 09:27:13 · 19 answers · asked by RN_and_mommy 5 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I'd just be like "I'm sorry, since when was that YOUR business? You don't see me asking about your background, race or even personal life now do you???"
I've got a friend who has had the same problem...only her son is 6 years old now. I believe she basically told them that hers & the child's personal lives are none of their business.
2007-05-11 09:31:19 · answer #1 · answered by §uper ®ose 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If they are well meaning strangers then a simple "she's mine and i know isn't she beautiful" may be ok... but if they are being nosey or purposely hurtful i would either go with "i am sorry do we know each other?" when they respond no say "oh ok good." =) or just blow it off. Some people just are not thinking about how hurtful what they say can be.. Most of the time they are well meaning.. if you can slip in something rude and smile about it changes are they will get it but no one else will notice.. Try things like.. If they ask where you adopted her from say "Wouldn't you just love to have a baby as Beautiful, as my daughter, too bad for you i do not adopt out my kids eh?" smile act like it is a joke everyone else will laugh the other person will feel stupid
2007-05-11 16:37:44 · answer #2 · answered by S W 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are several ways to respond:
1. Why are you asking such personal questions?
2. Yes, she is our daughter and we love her very much.
3. My personal life is private.
Your friends and family already know the situation. That's all that matters.
2007-05-11 17:08:10 · answer #3 · answered by Lizzie 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have 2 bi racial children. I am white and my husband is black. Our kids look like they are puerto rican, because they look very tan. I get asked the same question. "Did you adopt?" I politely say "No they are our children." And start a conversation with my husband, basically ignoring that person.
You can't let other people bother you. This world has a lot of bi-racial children, and they are always beautiful.
Don't let other people's comments ruin your day. Just politely let them know it is none of their business.
2007-05-11 16:40:32 · answer #4 · answered by Emily 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My first instinct would be to completely ignore the rude statements. My second instinct would be to say "It's none of your business." My third instinct would be to laugh and say "It's funny, we get that question a lot (not like it is anyone's business) but my beautiful child has wonderful hispanic blood in her from her natural father's side of the family - she is an absolute joy." If they would have the nerve to press the point I would be tempted to tell them quietly that her natural father died in service to his country (even if not true) and let them be embarassed at their own rudeness.
Peace!
2007-05-11 16:53:03 · answer #5 · answered by carole 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If they were asking your husband, then he could easily say that she is his adopted daughter. But as I can see, this answer doesn't work in your case; so I guess you'll simply have to tell them the truth. Having said that, I also have to say that it is pefectly logical of peole to ask you (nicely) about your daughter. Try not to trhink that thoe who ask make fun of you. it's natural for people's common sense to tell them that this is unusual and they may ask you without any intention of making fun of you.
it's just the way I reason this out. Sorry if i sounded rude, I really don't mean to be.
2007-05-11 16:45:59 · answer #6 · answered by Mr. anonymous 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The world is full of extremely ignorant and rude people.... That's just something you'll have to deal with. Your chioce whether it be dealt with in a polite manner or not? I wish the very best for the three of you!
2007-05-11 17:13:34 · answer #7 · answered by Izen G 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would give a Miss Manners type response that, if the person has any decency at all, will leave them wracked with guilt for the rest of the day. Something like: "Oh my! Why would you ever ask a question like that?"
2007-05-11 16:35:49 · answer #8 · answered by Denis 3 · 6⤊ 0⤋
I'd respond with a shocked look, followed by an excuse to end the conversation and leave.
2007-05-11 16:41:53 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can tell you now, don't base anything off of what these people on here say, alot of them are making opinions about a situation they have never been in, but rejoice in this trial for their is knowledge in trials though this is hurting you this is making you stronger, and binding your relationship between that man you and your daughter closer then ever before.
2007-05-11 16:38:45 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋