Uhm, I'm wondering if, in your eyes, my mom is an alcoholic or not. I'm 13, and she's like, what? 39? Well, anyway, she drinks things like sake(japanese drink) and margaritas all the time-- and usually sneaks them into mugs or hides the bottles in places(not from me, usually just my dad, who already knows that she's drinking). And, well, she's not an "angry" person when she's drunk- but it's just like, she's not as sharp, and she can't hear well, and her moods get all up and changing like a roller coaster, and she doesn't pay attention to me or answer me a lot of the times. This happens a lot, to the point where I can't always tell if she's drunk or not anymore, because it just seems like... she's always drinking, watching soap operas, or sleeping. And as much as I love my mom, I want to get her off the alcohol, because I kind of feel like I've lost her. I mean, she feeds me and takes care of me, but I feel like, emotionally, she's not there for me, or interested in me, really.
2007-05-11 08:37:11 · 13 answers · asked by dsfsd 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I've addressed her about it before, when she wasn't "drunk", and she just ignores it or gets upset. I really don't know, and my dad can't do anything about it, either.
She's not like physically abusive or anything like that, it's just like, I feel like she's not there, and more or less, me and my sisters are alone... What should I do? Don't suggest counseling. That just won't work, and never will I ever get her into that. Trust me.
2007-05-11 08:38:19 · update #1
I don't know what I did wrong. I don't think I did anything wrong. I don't understand why she's drinking, why she doesn't pay attention to me, why she sleeps all the time, and why she's so depressed. I can't even get her out of the house! I have to rely on my grandparents to go out and buy clothes and stuff.
And no offense, but my dad, I feel like he's a lost cause. He has a bad temper, and ugh-- I can't really hold up a good conversation with him. But for right now, I want to work on my mother.
2007-05-11 08:39:55 · update #2
See, that's the thing. I can't turn to my dad. I feel closer to my mom in the condition that she is by far, compared to my dad. My dad used to be a major alcoholic, and made my life a living hell. Only two years ago, after being mixed up with the cops, did he stop the alcoholism and other stuff he did to us...
But, I don't even know. I do feel guilty, like it has been something I've done, even though I don't know what. I can't even like, express it. I just feel so hopeless and unloved and completely "blah" a lot of the time, and I try to shrug it off by thinking shallower and occupying myself, but I know that deep down, inside, there's nothing really good for me where I am anymore.
And I don't want to split up my family. After all they did and all that happened, I still love them madly and I can't just let go. I want to fix this myself, without authorities and stuff like that- because I know that if I bring them in, my family will shun me and I'll never be forgiven.
2007-05-11 08:55:53 · update #3
And I know I will never be forgiven, because my oldest sister, who moved out at least 5 years ago, dared to say something... and now my family doesn't even like her. They talk bad about her all the time, and I feel so messed up when I have to pretend I agree. I don't want to be another reject that "disgusts" them, and that they can't stand.
They've already compared me to her when I did dare to do something, and I felt so hurt because of that. My sister is great and all, but she does tend to be selfish(not because she dared to say something).
2007-05-11 08:57:53 · update #4
As for moving to my grandparents place, I had to live there for 2 years... and that was all hell, too. I mean, my grandma kind of manipulated me and made me think I was ugly. She always citicized how my hair looked, my weight, how I dress, etc. And even now, I don't feel that comfortable around her, because I know she is always analizing me.
But, I don't hate any of my family. Please don't think that.
2007-05-11 09:00:25 · update #5
Yes, your mother exhibits the signs of alcoholism.
There is no way you can stop it. It has nothing to do with anything you did. You are guilty of nothing. It is your mother's issue. Something inside her. Alcoholism is a disease and should be treated as such. But like any disease, your mother has to see it and want to get help before she can get better.
I'm sorry you are going through this. I would recommend looking up a local Al-Anon or Al-ateen chapter to try to get some help for yourself in how to deal with this for yourself. These are groups that help children, friends, relatives, etc of alcoholics. I put the link in the source for you.
2007-05-11 08:45:47 · answer #1 · answered by gina 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am a female recovering alcoholic. I've been sober for almost 9 years. I have two children, 14 and 16 years old. My father was also alcoholic. He died a long time ago but never got sober.
So, I know what I am talking about. Please believe what I tell you.
Your mother is an alcoholic. Alcoholism is a disease. Try to think of it like cancer or diabetes. You did not cause it. Absolutely nothing a child does causes alcoholism in a parent any more than it would cause cancer. I understand that you think this is your fault. I thought so during my own childhood. My children thought the same thing about me. But it wasn't their fault, not one bit, and it isn't yours, either.
Your mom loves you, but she is very sick. Her sickness is why she doesn't pay enough attention to you and why her moods swing all over the place and why she can't be there for you. It is not because you are a bad kid. I can tell by what you've written that you are a great kid, and very insightful and smart, too.
Sadly, this is not something you can fix. Your dad cannot fix it (it does not sound like he is in recovery really; he sounds like he isn't very happy being sober, and that is almost as bad as being drunk). Your grandparents can't fix it. Nobody can fix it except your mom, and even then she'll need a lot of help.
You can continue to talk to your mom and tell her how you feel, but that is about all you can do.
But there are things you can do for yourself. Probably the most effective of these is a group called Alateen which is for teenaged children of alcoholics. Find out if there are meetings in your area (there probably are; there are meetings all over the world) and find a way to go. Take the bus, or maybe have a friend's mom or dad take you. Do you know anyone whose parent goes to AA? If so ask that parent to get you to some meetings.
You do have options, dear. But fixing your mom on your own is not one of them. And it will not help to blame yourself.
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/
Good luck.
2007-05-11 11:08:11 · answer #2 · answered by Helen W. 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes your mum has drinking problem and there is no way you can change that only she can. When people start hiding their alcohol that is a very bad sign.
I have two ideas for you, one to AA (Alcholics Anonymous) they will able to give you good advice you will find them through a counsellor or health worker or phone book.
The second bit of advice is to move out take your sister with you and see if you can move to your grandparents place.
Remember this YOU DID NOTHING WRONG, THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
Your dad knows what is behind the drinking but he isn't saying he may even be the cause. You can't fix the problem so do the best you can.
2007-05-11 08:56:41 · answer #3 · answered by Lou 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. You can't change your mother's drinking. I don't know if she's an alcoholic or not, but it's definitely having a bad effect on you. I know you say you don't want any counseling, but you need some form of support and you need to feel like you're not the only one with this problem. You also need to learn to some things to help yourself with this. (You can't help your mom; only she can help herself.) Look on the Web and see if there are any alanon or alateen meetings that you can get to. Other people will be there who are going through the same thing you are.
2007-05-11 08:47:50 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry, hon. You need to talk to another family member and see if they can help talk to your Mom. She needs to accept and recognize that she has a problem first and foremost, or she won't be able to take the steps to begin recovery. A lot of alcoholics don't think they have a problem, so that's what makes interventions to hard. Maybe also think about joining Alanon, so you have support from others in your situation.
2007-05-11 08:42:34 · answer #5 · answered by Duckie314 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its not your fault my dad had this problem to I'm sorry to say they have to make the chose to quite or stay away from Alcohol their is nothing you can do except try to talk to her when she seems less drunk or some have to hit rock bottom before they can quite and stay off it its hard because she has to want to stop and if she doesn't than their is nothing you can do.. I'm really sorry you have to go through this. all i can say is learn from her mistakes and don't end up like her. hang in their
2007-05-11 08:48:14 · answer #6 · answered by nikie_atkinson 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You want a secure position to be, and possibly extra so than she does, given that she does want a secure position as good. You are legally a little one short of safeguard and ought to have a secure position to are living. Maybe with household, however no less than a household with a purpose to make certain your security. You ought to be capable to be a ordinary child and what you defined isn't proper. Make a decision and/or talk together with your tuition counselor approximately getting this style of help. Do no longer wait another day. <...hot Canadian polar endure hugs without a claws...>
2016-09-05 17:19:57 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
can your grandparents help? my friend's mom and dad were like that. social drinkers. my friend is close to her grandparents and she is terrific coz the grandparents were very supportive.if this is not the case for you,ask a teacher you trust to make alcoholism a topic in an assigment and have group discussion what are good coping mechanism. or try aaa, or kids help phone. just so there is an adult who can help you. eeven talking alone about this situation to a sympathetic person at kids help phone is stress relieving.
2007-05-11 09:07:34 · answer #8 · answered by jay 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OH Sweetheart.................stop right now, before your mind and heart and soul start to believe it's YOUR fault!
Tell your father how you feel. Tell him in order for your family to survive, your dad has to have her commited to a drug/alcohol rehab center. If your dad can't listen or even seems to care, then I'm sorry to say this then, but he doesn't love your mom enough to get her help.
Yes......your mom is an alcoholic!
2007-05-11 08:51:21 · answer #9 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like your mother is depressed and turns to alcohol for relief. Not much you can do to get her to quit she has to first realize she has a problem. It is by no means your or anyone elses fault for what she is doing. I would see a school councelor for you. Even though you cannot change others they can hopefully help you through your feelings. Hope things get better for you
2007-05-11 08:43:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋