My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. Things have been on and off. He had a drinking problem for a while, and I helped him get sober. He's now clean, and the past few months have been great. A few weeks ago I noticed he was not as affectionate and does not seem interested in sex. For the past week he has been saying he feels our relationship has hit a dead end. I told him long ago that if it ever came to this I could not be his friend. I need time to heal after a relationship ends, especially with somone I care about as much as him. He is very upset that I do not want to be friends, that he wants to be "civil" I won't do it - I just can't. I need closure. He still wants to be able to talk to me every night. I think this is heartless of him. Please let me know your thoughts.
2007-05-11 08:25:08 · 16 answers · asked by Dee 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
By the way - I know he is not cheating on me. He had me set up his email accounts and cell phone accounts online and passwords. Although I normally don't snoop - I have been checking the past week for unusual numbes, but I know all the numbers I see and who they are.
2007-05-11 08:26:08 · update #1
I think U know yourself very well.
You have already answered your own question. You are the only one who knows what's in your heart, what you can and cannot accept and what you are able to do and are not able to do.
Move on and force him to do the same. You might not see yourself as a crutch for him.. but it sounds like you very well may be.
The breakup can be amicable but "friendship" is a very defined word and since you've already gone beyond it.. friendship isn't something that can ever be the same as it was before you both became lovers.
Move on
2007-05-11 08:34:28 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Screw that! Once a relationship is over it's up to you whether or not you want to still be friends. Friends to him probably means a friend with "benefits," meaning you still have sex, just without all the relationship part of it.
Some people can do it...remain friends, but it sounds like you would have a hard time adjusting if one day he tells you (as a friend) that he has a new girlfriend.
I say just get out now while you still can, without getting even more hurt later down the line.
2007-05-11 08:36:34 · answer #2 · answered by rivasmmm 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off I don't think you're asking too much for time to figure out if you want to be friends or not. Tell him you would like nothing better than to be friends, but you need some time to figure out what you want outside of him. If he continues to call just don't answer.
Lastly, that's not how to trust your boyfriend. If you were snooping through my phone or email I would break up with you. That just doesn't fly, how would feel in the reverse? Your integrity gets questioned and you violated his trust in order to "verify his trust".
2007-05-11 08:30:57 · answer #3 · answered by jay k 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you're breaking up, a clean break seems a better way to go from my experiences... it's hard... but, it's better on the heart in the long run... i've found time, distance and being good to me are the only things that help me "over" someone... ending the relationship on a civil note is absolutely do-able, and maybe in the distant future, a polite friendship is possible, but for now, it's not fair to you or your heart! take care and good luck!
2007-05-11 08:32:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even though it hurts, you can still be friends with him, one of two things will happen, you try your best and just stay friends and talk to him and see him when you see him, and let him tell you about what he does etc....yeah at first it will hurt, but if you still want him in your life, and it sounds like he wants you in his, then you should do it, the other is that you stay friends and he realizes what he doesn't have and y'all get back together
2007-05-11 08:30:16 · answer #5 · answered by t m 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you did a very good job of motivating him to stop or control his drinking, But stick too your guns what you say to him in the beginning never fall back on your words or you will be falling back on your self.
2007-05-11 08:31:54 · answer #6 · answered by K_LOVE 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1
2017-02-19 12:56:08 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok maybe your confused about how you feel? why are you checking his emails and cell phone records. just continue to back away and eventually he'll do the same.
2007-05-11 08:30:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you can't be friends with him, then let it be.... you know yourself more.. if you can't, then you really can't.. I agree with that closure idea though I can't help myself, i am always a friend of x.. hmmp. maybe I should try that.. esp with the man I am on right now.. I think I hate him..
2007-05-11 08:33:26 · answer #9 · answered by jami... 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to do what you feel is best. If you have to check his phone and email records, you probably should move on anyway.
2007-05-11 08:29:30 · answer #10 · answered by Jimmy 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋