My daughter has almost all F's?

Question

She's nearly 15 and her grades have been steadily dropping for the past 4 years. We've tried therapy, ADD medication, taking away privileges... what else can we do? The only clue she's given us is that if she doesn't like her teacher, that she won't do the work for them. Before the decline her grades were As and Bs and she tried very hard to get those grades.

She is adopted from a mother who had cocaine in her system during birth.

She's been off the meds for a little over a month... her mood's improved but her progress report still shows a decline.

Answer 1

yea i dont think cocaine is a factor if she was making a's and b's and maybe she has apathy for school i know im losing interest cause it bores me to death and there are hardly any challenges that i want to take on that would be worth while and maybe shes chasing someone

Answer 2

I am a former h.s. teacher, but no expert. I have a couple of suggestions, what do you have to lose? My first instinct as a a parent would be to simply listen to the child. Kids need to feel heard, without giving advice or suggestions or telling them you know how they feel. You don't. Whatever it takes, take this child somewhere in nature, isolated. Let her be alone with her parents, her thoughts. She is totally overwhelmed right now. If you can afford it, take her on a trip. Nature does wonders for the mind.

Also, remind her that she's smart. Good grades mean that you can play the game. They are not necessarily an indication of intelligence.

Listen to your child, tell her you love her, don't take privileges away because chances are she feels worse about this than you do. Envision a positive outcome for her, and have her talk that out with you.

Just thoughts.

Peace, friend.

Answer 3

Sounds like you're already doing a lot!

You said she tried very hard for As and Bs...did she quit trying? Did the work get too hard for her? Maybe you can try talking to her teacher(s) and see if they have any insight.

If you don't find out info from the teacher, start being her homework buddy. Come up with creative ways to learn the material. For example, maybe she has a history test coming up...if she likes to write, give her an assignment to become one of the people from history. If she has math, and likes music, you can have her compose a song using fractions. There are lots of ways to learn, and actually, there's a theory about it--Howard Gardner's Theory of Multiple Intelligences. Have her take the quiz (link below) and see how she learns best. Her teacher might be doing it the "boring" way, but that doesn't mean it has to be boring at home.

Answer 4

Why is it when kids start to decline in school they automatically get therapy or drugs?
Have you tried helping her with her work? Sitting down and figuring out what it is that she's not doing correctly. Many times the child doesn't want to do the work because they simply can't understand and need to be taught in a different way. Nobody learns things the same and they need different lessons, and school usually only provide one way. Try a learning center that can pinpoint what exactly it is that she needs help in and they will find a way to teach her they way she needs to be taught. I was the same way, I had only F's in school and dropped out because it was either the teachers way or and F. I left school in the 9th grade and when I went back to get my GED they taught me in new ways and I finished an entire 4 years worth of learning in 4 months because I was finally able to understand what I was being taught.
Good luck.

Answer 5

At 15 I started having a lot of problem in school. I tried to play a role in school as being the cool girl who had no cares and I was a mean bully. In school now a days, it is cool to be a slacker. Try getting her into sports or after school project. This way she will find a good school oriented friends that she can hang with. This way to stay cool with her crowd she will have to go another route and do some school work.

Answer 6

There might be something else going on, could be social - other then the school work, how does she like school? Does she has good friends? Is she being picked on? With teenage girls, growing up can be really hard. You really need to talk to her to find out what is going on in her life. She could be having a lot of emotions about her birth mother, but doesn't know how to talk to you about it. If it really is the teachers at school, just try to convince her that doing the work is not for them, it really is for her. Ask her more questions about why she doesn't like her teachers - they could be picking on her.

Answer 7

Is your daughter now doing drugs? That can hold a great factor in things. Also, how does she act in the classroom? Students usually never have a problem with teachers unless they area disturbance or rude force in the classroom. Teachers just do not out of the blue hate or neglect children. Set up a conference with her and the teacher and see what can be found out what is going on. But teachers do not give attitudes to students unless the student went first.

Ground her and keep her in her room and monitor her always. Drive her to school and pick her up from school, if you want, have a teacher or principal escort her from the school at specific exits of where you are parked at to make sure nothing happens like so. It is hard with kids these days and what they think is rough and tough they are not only behind in making it "rough and tough" but also have no idea what it is really like once they leave the "oppressive" life at home. Just keep her grounded and do not allow her out of her room until meals. If she gives attitude do not let her out for meal then. Let her go to bed without any food. She wants to act like a kid treat her like one. Take everything out of her room like TV, computer, and stuff like that and keep her in there grounded until she is ready to either talk or straighten up. But if she went from As to Bs I hate to say but it sounds like she might of gotten on drugs. I knew quite a few people that were bright and had top grades and they started drugs and stopped caring and failed and eventually dropped out to become burnouts.

Answer 8

She's a 15 year old girl. Welcome to hell ...

Seriously, sit down with her and set up some goals. Let her know that you will reward her for good grades and that bad grades will have negative consequences.

If she isn't involved in after school sport or a club encourage her to get involved with something. Kids thast stay active tend to stay out of trouble more than those with to much free time. Once she finds something she really likes and wants to imerse herself in, let that become part of the reward system for getting good grades.

If she does have a sport or hobby she is interested in, try to make yourself a part of it without smothering her. if she wants to fly remote control planes you should show interest in that and go with her ... on the other hand, if she wants to play soccer I wouldn't suggest signing up to be the coach

Answer 9

Just don't yell at her! And do not hit her! Make her comfortable then approach her and see what she wants to do. If that dosn't work, go to the school and see if you can meet with the teachers and the daughter at the same time so you can all work something out. Just don't be mean to her because that will put her off even more, trust me.

Answer 10

Never has ther been so much in the papers as now, about 9,10, 12, or 15 years olds, hurting, killing, maiming other children than now. Ask yourselves why. The last generation of parents have been brainwashed with the mentality that if you talk to a child, they will understand. Give them no bounderies. Stand up for their errors. Don't allow them to face any disappointments. How sad is that? How can a child grow without feeling any of these things??

It doesn't work this way as our present is now showing. We are raising a generation of selfish, uncaring, murderous children because they feel immune to any authority or repercussions because the power has been passed on to them by the parents who no longer want to deal with raising a child right.

First of all, does she have a say in the home? If she does, then you have given her permission to run her life as well as yours and nothing you say will make her do right.

The ultimate ruination of a child is to ask their input in running the family home. This home is not theirs but yours. They are guests in this home until they move (which they will) and they must be reminded of this. The room they are in is not theirs but yours in which you allow them to stay in. Do you remind her of this?

The home belongs to the father and mother. Whatever the rules are, is set by the parents. Do you remind her of this?

Once you make it known, that she has no say whatsover in the running of the house or the rules, you might just find out that you have taken back control of a situation of your own making.

She needs to understand her grades are not effecting YOU. If this is her "choice" then you will go with it and that you care, but if she feels the need to do so poorly, then its on her head that when she fails, you will do nothing short of supporting her until she is eighteen and she can move out and be on her own because this is YOUR home, not hers. Remind her, life is filled with choices and you expect her to make the right ones.

Putting the ball backin her court is the only way you can make her see that the only one to blame if she fails will be hers.

Take away the cell phones, the money and all other "give me's" that you have done for her, for this is truly child abuse in disquise no matter what others say.

When a child feels they need not do anything to recieve something then it's ingrained into them that all they have to do is pout or cry and say they hate you to get their way.

This is the reason why we have so many kids out killing and disregarding human life because parents have stood in the line of fire that the child needed to face. No longer do we have children responsible for their actions for the parents have made them feel they are immune to repercussions.

So, take the frills away, tell her you really feel bad shes getting these grades and that at 18, you hope she can support herself because she is a guest in YOUR house that you pay for and all the utilities and transportation that is a bonus and she might just see a new light where being "entitled" to living in your home might come as a surprise.

A child needs bounderies. If you don't give them this, then you are at fault when it comes time to pay the piper. Just as all these parents that allow their children to disregard teachers and police authority.

A child need to know they are not immune to repercussions. They won't grow until they fall a few times. Catching them and falling for them will not make a better person of them, just selfish and uncaring.

Answer 11

I'm sorry to say this but you mentioned eveything but love, time with her, and understanding. Don't right away assume that a child that was born out of a mother with those issues would be bad and dumb at your daughter's age is tough being a kid. Start being a parent not a doctor, a critic, or her enemy.