Do these two comments from my toddler mean she is having jealousy issues already of the unborn baby???

Question

I told her that her attitude wasn't very good and that she needed to start being good and she said "well... the new baby will be good for you mom."

The second one... last night when we were going to bed she was trying to convince me to let her sleep with me and I told her no, she needed to sleep in her room in her big girl bed. She said "well the baby gets to sleep with you and I want to sleep with the baby" Like I said the baby is in my tummy still. What do you think?

Answer 1

Jealousy may be too strong of a word. I'd call it testing the waters. She may need a wee bit more reassurance from you that she is still numero uno. When she makes these comments, just give her a squeeze and say, oh, I can't wait until WE meet the new baby, but you are my BIG girl and being a big sister is very important...and fun!

That kind of thing.

Good luck!
DN

Answer 2

She is allready having issues with the new baby and it isn't here yet. Try not talking about the baby so much around her only for a few days and try spending extra time with her while you can and then tell her that she can help you with the new baby and be a big sister like helping you bath the baby let her rinse the baby off with the rag or put the powder on the baby or putting the socks on it or even help with feeding the baby. Don't give in to her though it may seem to be the simple way after the baby is born keep your ground firm with her like you did about her sleeping with you.After the baby is born I would keep a close eye on her with the baby because she may be so jealous that she may purposely hit the baby when you aren't looking that is how some children will do. My older one did that some times after I had the second one but it eventually stopped. He didn't do it often but, he did so if she is this jealous now just keep an eye on the both of them together after the baby is born.

Answer 3

The first comment sounds like something she might have heard and made her own. Her "not very good" attitude is probably her way of getting attention. The second seems like she might just feel left out. She has no idea what is comming in the next few months, she is only 3!
One thing that might help is to balance the "you're my big girl" with the "you'll always be mommy's baby". She may not be completely ready for the big girl position in mommy's life.
However, if she is the one insisting that she is mommy's big girl, then it might help if you make her more responsible. Let her pick out some baby clothes, maybe let her help you pick out the baby's first outfit. Let her see the great benefits of being the big sister. My younger brother and I are barely 4 years apart, and before he was born, my parents enrolled me in a big brother/big sister class where they showed us with baby dolls a little of what to expect when a baby comes along. It has been over 20 years since I took that class but I honestly still remember it. I got a big sister t-shirt and it made me so excited to have a younger sibling. As far as I can remember, and as far as my mother was concerned, it helped keep me from being jealous. Everyone is excited about your expected baby, but your daughter needs something to be excited about as well, or she may be left with feelings that she cannot express in any way other than jealousy.

Answer 4

My theory is that your toddler is feeling insecure about her place in your life when the baby arrives. If it is a male, there will be a different reception of the baby from your social group than a female would get. It's subtle, but it's there, and kids are really perceptive of subtlety. You can tell her, if it is so, that when she was a baby, she slept with you because new babies need a lot of care. But that she only shared your bed when you were feeding her. It's important to emphasize that your bed is where you and daddy sleep, that baby will have its own bed, just like you daughter has her own bed. I don't know how old your daughter is, but she has her perception of her status in your home. Because of the care an infant requires will probably appear to her that you are giving the new person more attention, try to include her in as many care activities as you can. It will all work out.

Answer 5

Of course she is jealous! Believe it or not, she's well old enough to understand that she won't be the baby in the house anymore. But that's ok.
Don't blatantly tell her that she needs to be a big girl. Do it indirectly. Ask if she would like to help (expecially when the baby is born). Let her participate as much as she can.
She's a girl, so I'm sure she has dolls. Both of you get your own doll and play "mommies and babies". Show her how cool taking care of a baby is (yeah, I know it's really not cool, but she doesn't have to know that!!).
Emphasis that she gets to be the "big sister". She gets to show her little sibling how to grow up, etc. Also remind her of the things that big kids get to do that babies don't!
I read an excellent idea in a magazine once. Get her a "Big Sister" t-shirt. You can find them on the net, or make your own iron-on. When the baby comes, throw your daughter a small party where she can recieve and wear her new shirt to celebrate. You can give her a couple of other gifts if you'd like. Explain to the people at the small party that this is HER time, and for you and them to try to give HER the attention (as opposed to the new baby).

Answer 6

The thing is if you confront her on it, she will have you for talking negatively behind her back - meaning you'd be no better. If you haven't been through infertility then you cannot possibly know what she is going through. I'm not saying it was good of her to use the words she may have used (it's all hearsay and you don't even know if she said it for sure). But you cannot possibly understand the hurt and pain of wishing and hoping every month that it will be your turn all the while watching people around you get pregnant with little to no issues and having them call you to discuss every little movement or milestone. It does make you bitter and it's very hard to be happy when you feel such a sense of sadness at your own inability to do what should be your biological right. Take it easy on her and cut her some slack.

Answer 7

I think your daughter needs you, and her saying that the new baby will be good for you should have been a BIG heads up. I take it as, "Well, then the new baby will be just perfect for you, since you don't think I'm good enough, and you're so excited about the new baby, maybe the new baby will be perfect enough for you." She needs you during this time, even if you won't let her sleep with you, (which I would, but I know many disagree) you need to give her lots and lots and lots of extra snuggles, reassuring her that she'll always be loved, and your special little girl. Ease up a little on the comments about her attitude, everyone has their days, let her have hers.

Answer 8

I suppose it could be called jealousy, but I think a lot of it is more that she is in need or want of attention. I'm sure that you're not purposefully ignoring your daughter during this pregnancy, but it may seem like you are to her, especially if she's used to having all of your attention, and that isn't happening now as you get closer to your due date.

My suggestion is to keep reminding her that you will always love her as much as you always have, and that having the new baby isn't going to change that. You'll have to share your time between her and the new baby (and yes, toddlers don't understand "share" all that well), but you have enough love that both of you will receive a full share.

You may also wish to include her more in the life of the soon-to-be new arrival. Instead of talking in terms of "I", talk in terms of "we", so that she feels a part of this new life, instead of feeling that she has to compete.

As far as the bed issue, I agree that she needs to sleep in her own bed, not for any issues of parent and child sleeping in the same bed, but because toddlers need to stay with a routine, and that routine includes her bedtime in her bed. Now, if you wanted to lay with her for a while during naptime or the like, just as special mother-daughter-baby time, that would be a fair solution.

Answer 9

Yes, but let me tell you it is perfectly natural for her to feel jealous. She won't be the center of attention anymore, and she won't be the baby anymore. You just have to reasure her that you still love her and keep her involved with everything you do from planning for the baby, getting the baby's room decorated, washing clothes, folding towels, etc. And also, when baby is born and you guys are at home, there will be times when your toddler will need one on one time with you. If she acts cranky or acts out to get attention it's b/c that's what she needs. At that point you'd need to hand baby over to daddy and spend some quality time with toddler. Even if it's 15 minutes. Read a book to her, play dress up or whatever. She will act better b/c she's getting what she needs from you. Just make sure you don't leave her out of small projects - she needs to feel needed and loved and understood.

Answer 10

The funny thing about toddlers is they are brutally honest about their feelings. They don't even realize that they're being honest.

First, don't feel like you're being a bad mom or neglectful because of these comments. Think of yourself as a pie, and everyone gets a piece of pie. Your toddler is probably thinking about how her piece of the pie might be getting smaller and it's on her mind. It doesn't mean she's jealous of the baby, it just means that she is used to having you as her very own and the future is on her mind.

I like one of the answers where the person suggests to change your language usage around your daughter. I found that to be EXTREMELY useful. Instead of focusing on MY new baby, I tried to focus on my daughter becomming a new big sister! We would talk about how important of a role it would be for her, and how she would have very important jobs. I also talked about how she was still - and always would be - very special to me. By taking the focus off the new baby, and putting it on my daughter, she found a sense of pride and excitement on her new role!

Another thing that I found really helped was that when friends and family would bring gifts for the new baby, either discreetly ask them to include a token gift for the older child, or if that wasn't possible or comfortable, I kept a supply of little gifts to give to my daughter at the same time. Just dollar-store stuff like stickers and things like that. But something that helped her feel that she was important and being celebrated as well.

Good luck!!