Why marry a man if you do not approve of his child/children with an ex?

Question

I read someone else's question about an ex wanting money for an activity for their child. Completely enraged me that the new wife/step mom is not wanting to help with the finacial obligation of the activity. She seems to feel that the minimal childsupport paid is enough. As well as she voiced a complaint that they have this child every other weekend because of the mother.
First issue I have is how can she complain when she had to know he had a child before they married?
Does this just seem like petty kid sh!t to anyone else?

I am a proud step mother of 3 children, and as long as I am in the picture these children will never go without a thing! My husband and I also stuggle, but that is not the childrens fault, therefore we refuse to punish them for it. Where there is a will there is a way. My husbands ex and I get along and when ever we have needed to step up to help the other out we do. I signed up to be with him and I knew that he came with children.

As far as growing up, well I am very grown up. It is enraging as a mother that has been told by her daughters father that he wouldn't do something for our child b/c his new wife didn't think it was im[portant. I wasn't asking for money either.

Answer 1

WOW, I just read it to. Your right

I usually have a HUGE problem with step parents. My problem is what you just explained. A lot of step parents on this board seem to move in, and pushed the step children off to the side. That makes me sick. Then they come on here for support. Ya, right like were going to give them a high five of something, lol. Naturally the children's world has been turned upside down, but nobody seems to care about that. They only worry about themselves. I always think about the children, PERIOD! You would be amazed how much negative feedback I receive for just sticking up for the kids.

That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. I only wish more step parents could be like you.

Answer 2

I was a step mother once. It was a dirty situation, I was the primary caregiver of my husband`s five year old son. I provided the clothes on the child`s back, I was up all night when he was sick, I was there when the school called because he was misbehaving. I just found it a little unsettling that my step son`s mom, BROUGHT him into this world, WILLINGLY, and did not support him ONE LITTLE BIT!! She threw her pills down the sink so she could collect welfare and not work for 18 years. ANYHOW, MY THOUGHTS ARE, if you are willing to bring a child into this world, you and the person you made this child with, SHOULD SUPPORT THE CHILD LOCK STOCK AND BARREL!! NO EXCUSES!! If you can`t or won`t GIVE THE CHILD UP FOR ADOPTION, OR BETTER YET, DON`T HAVE THEM!! Don`t put the burden on someone else!! Don`t make a step parent, grandparent, or aunt and uncle raise the child or support it!!I don`t think step parents should finacially contribute to step children, nor should they be left holding the bag raising them!!!Our society has gotten ridiculous asking step parents to pay child support or to raise the child.. As for him paying for an extra curricular activity, HE PAYS HIS CHILD SUPPORT!! Perhaps that`s all he can afford to pay!!!!! SO WHY ARE YOU BEING SOOO JUDGEMENTAL?

I`ve seen situation where some parents, ( particularly men). have had to give up their children because the other ex spouse or girlfriend was hounding them about money for this money for that, eg rollar skating, hockey, childcare.. Be careful what you post, perhaps the bio mom is asking for above and beyond what the father`s income OR what the child`s needs are!! I don`t care if you are or were a step parent I find it a little unsettling that you would make these kinds of statements about someone else. I think it`s not the kids she`s complaining about, it`s the immature ex wife she`s complaining about. Why does she have to drain her pockets for his kids? Answer that question.....Why should someone who didn`t willingly have the child drain their resources for these children? I know she chose to marry him!! That`s not an excuse!!

Answer 3

This is actually interesting because I'm am on the other side of this coin. My son's father and his wife will put their needs before my son's anyday. He does not pay child support unless we go to court and a judge threatens to put him in jail for it. Bottomline, if I happen to marry a man with kids, I will NEVER let him treat his children the way that my son's father treats him. As a matter of fact, I will not even marry a man who is not taking care of ALL of his kids. I don't just mean financially either. It's unfortunate, but a lot of these men don't even call to check on their kids without being prompted to do so by someone else. Like how could you go a day without talking to/seeing your child???

I don't think that the stepmothers dont approve of the kids....they are just more concerned with their own and their well-being. It's selfish. That's all it is.

Answer 4

My brother in laws girlfriend knew that he had a kid on the way when they started dating and she still decided to date him. Now his kid is 7 months old and she has a problem whenever he even wants to see his kid. She threw a fit when he said he wanted to go see his kid on Sunday (Mothers Day) and get something for the mother and have it say "To Mom" "From Saige". And one time he had his kid stay the weekend at his house and his girlfriend was there. She wouldnt talk to him the whole weekend and barely looked at the baby. It does seem like petty kid sh!t to me. If someone is going to have a problem with someone elses kid if they know that they have a kid before they start dating/get married, why even got involved with that person? Your child comes before everything else and they should understand that. My brother in law just broke up with this girlfriend because of her childish actions and I think that was a smart move on his part. Hes choosing his kid over her and thats what he should do.

Answer 5

AMEN. IMO, when you marry somebody, you are marrying that family. That includes new step-kids, in-laws, the works. If you can't find a way to get along with the ex, you hate his dog, or can't stand having his kids every other weekend, you're marrying the wrong person.

I agree with you. The children are the priority above all else, including money and "what's fair". I did not read that question but it's my guess that she didn't think before she got married, and made a bad choice. That doesn't sound like the right place for her.

Answer 6

I'm not sure that she was complaining about the child being there every other weekend. I think she just badly wrote that that was the only time they got with him because of the mother.

But I agree that people who are dating people who already have children should take more time to decide if they really want to be involved with that person. He or she comes as a package deal.

My other question about that person is why is she with someone who will only work part time while she pays all the bills with her full time job.

Answer 7

This guy needs to tell his spouse how he feels. If there has by no skill been any connection there he could by no skill have married her interior the 1st place. the different woman needs to admire his marriage, while he comes to a decision to divorce his spouse, then the guy and his ex ought to celebration, not on a similar time as he remains married. This guy has given 2 years to his spouse. He is going living house to her and sleeps in her mattress each and each nighttime, and that i'm particular making love has been portion of the mattress time ritual a minimum of a few circumstances. If he enjoyed the ex then he could circulate away his spouse without hesitation, when you consider that he remains along with her, he's maximum in all probability making use of the ex, and retaining his spouse because of the fact he needs to be along with her.

Answer 8

I feel badly for the child, he must not feel to welcome at there home and every other weekend is not enough, the dad only works part time she said, so he clearly has more time to spend with the child, maybe the mom was asking for the money in order to announce that the child is going to play a sport, so come on dad, step up to the plate, if you are not going to support by going to practices and games you should atleast pay for it, and he should pay the whole fee, and go to all games and pay for uniform which will cost a lot and team photos

Answer 9

i wish I had an answer to the question that makes sense, but there really isn't one....perhaps she subconsciously believed that, once she and the father were married, one of two things would happen : either she and the kids would fall in love with each other, or the kids would just sort of disappear. Or, maybe she liked the kids well enough until she HAD to deal with them on a regular basis.....either way, the kind of woman who would gripe about helpless children, deny them financial support, or resent them, is a woman desperately in need of either therapy or a heavy dose of maturity.
A man who would marry a woman that didn't or couldn't love his children wholeheartedly is questionable as well....
It sucks to be the kids in that situation - they'll either grow to hate her and their father for putting up with her, or doubt their own worth.....

Answer 10

I agree. The only thing is being a step mom is hard too. I come from a blended family. My mom and dad had four kids. My step mom brought in three kids, one my dad adopted. They then had four kids together. It didn't always seem like my step mom was fair. I really don't think she was but I think she was looking out for her kids and my dad for his. I don't think it was right but I think parents make mistakes. We had a very sticky situation and everyone did the best they could.