teen daughter out of control?

Question

My daughter is failing school, only passed one subject this whole year of grade 10. She used to be a straight A student. She skips school constantly and has been suspended too many times to count.
I have tried grounding, she goes out anyway. I have taken away all priviliges, cell phone, computer, tv etc etc. She doesn't seem to care. If I tell her she's not allowed to go somewhere, she goes anyway. She has no respect for me as a parent.
The other day, I kicked her out of the house. I know she is at a friends house and know she is safe. I want her home, but not with the disrespect she gives to me.
Help??????

Well, she called home and asked if she could come back home. I told her of course, but she has to give me the respect I deserve as a parent. She has a lot of issues to sort out and I am taking her to counselling and she agreed. Thanks all for you help :)

Answer 1

I think this stems from many years of YOU not having a grip on her Think about it. Do you think she respects you that is the first question . You have to be strong and you may need a tough love program I would call the police Dept and maybe they could help, I think school counselors also call you are not alone but if your life is not that great you will also have to look at that to BE AN EXAMPLE.

Answer 2

OMG! If i did that to my mom she would jack my jaw so hard i wouldnt have any teeth left!! She needs some serious help! I like the Boot Camp advice...she needs something to make her want to come back home...and im sure they will!! And how is she leaving? Window? Front Door? I hope not b/c if she is then you need to be there waiting on her and let her know thtat when you say NO you mean NO!! This is not right and should be stopped immediatley. You are the Mother and you have the power. Use it. Why is she being suspended? Violence? Verbal Abuse to teachers? Thats EXACTLY what she is doing to you. I am not saying ANYTHING against you...but she needs to be stopped before she ends up in jail for good. Kicking her out was just what she wanted so now she can do what ever she wants and is going to get into more trouble. if you say that she is in the 10th grade then she is only like 15 or 16 right>?? She isnt a legal adult for two more years. Let her know that when she turns 18 then she can do whatever she wants but until then she is under YOUR roof and will follow YOUR rules. It sounds like you are a single parent b/c my dad sure as hell would jerk a knot in her tail if she were me. Violence is not the answer. Correct her and keep letting her know that you love her.....also check into that boot camp!! GOOD LUCK!!

Answer 3

Take control of where she is staying....don't let her go to her friends where she is comfortable and getting things her way. If you every want your daughter back, the one you used to know use some tough love. Working in Juvenile Probation I have had occasion to use the Juvenile Boot Camps, and they really do work. Take the money you would spend on her clothes and food and what nots and send her to one of the Camps out in the middle of the country. When you get your daughter back you will be amazed at the changes. I am a firm believer in the Scared Straight Programs, they do work. A month or so in one of these programs and your daughter will truly appreciate you and what she had. I know it is hard Mom, but use The Tough Love and make your life a little easier. Good Luck! You are the only one that has the power to change any of this for the better! And, do not give her any $, not one thin dime....behavior changes such as these usually mean one thing, drugs. If she has to go out and steal and gets caught doing so would be good for her....the police having control of her would put the fear of something in her. Having to go out and earn her own keep, the things that mom does for her day in and day out. Food, laundry, and all the other little things they think nothing of demanding from us.

Answer 4

My first question to you is: Is she depressed? Some other things to consider are: Does she have any kind of hidden learning issue that is making itself known with the increased academic workload of high school? Is there a possibility that she's the victim of bullying at school (yes, it does happen in high school too--much more insidious than at younger grade levels)? Is there a possibility she's abusing drugs or alcohol? You need to be able to definitively answer ALL of these questions before coming down so hard on your daughter.

The biggest concern I have is that her grades plummetted, and she started skipping school. The skipping school is indicative of a serious problem with your child. Something's up, and I'll bet it's at school.

Please don't take offense at this, but it seems to me you've been trying to treat the symptoms, rather than focus on the root cause of the problems with your daughter. In other words, finding the disease. Removing her priveleges and kicking her out of the house has not helped the situation at all, and actually, kicking her out may have made matters much worse, because she now is thinking that you are NOT always there for her, and that your love for her is conditional on her doing well.

You guys ALL need family therapy, quickly. Your daughter needs some kind of therapy..NOW. My concern is that she could potentially be suicidal. If she's abusing substances, stage an intervention, and get her the help she needs. I guarantee you, she is not going to get any better on her own, she will only get worse. She needs help. Please get it for her. And get her back home where she belongs, apologize profusely for kicking her out, and tell her that despite the hell it's been this school year, you are going to get her the help she needs, and help her be successful. You will probably have to get school personnel involved, so contact them quickly before summer starts.

Please get her help, you will never be able to forgive yourself if something happens and you didn't do everything in your power to help her. Best of luck to you.

Answer 5

Not enough discipline/consistency when dealing with issuing consequences for her actions. Children know their limits and they know what they can get away with. The biggest red flag I see in your question is "If I tell her she's not allowed to go somewhere, she goes anyway." As we all know, actions speak louder than words. You can't just say she isn't allowed to go somewhere without expecting her to do otherwise. Every single time your child breaks a rule, disrespects, etc...there needs to be active negative consequences, just like when she does good in life, and does something positive, there needs to be positive consequences. You need more structure in your house. I'm not a parent, but I know first hand what it's like to live in this type of environment as a child. It's hard to respect a parent with poor judgment and an inability to the problem of "if she does this, then what do I do?" It's obvious what you need to do. Just remember that your child is a reflection of how you raised them. It's basic cause and effect. What you do or don't do effects your relationships with not just your kid but with everyone. She doesn't respect you as a parent because you've done nothing to gain her respect. This is blunt but it is the truth. Don't ever let your kids tell you what to do, don't let them do whatever they want to do. Your biggest weapon is your ability to control them with consequences. And make sure your consistent with them. Also let the Bible guide you. Even if you don't believe in God or Jesus.

Answer 6

ok first get her back in the house. you made a huge mistake there.
next stop and think next to accidents the leading cause of death of teens is sucidie . mental illness is most often found or started in the teen to early 30"s . the signs of some big problem with mental illness or drug use or extremme stress are just what you have said you daughter is doing.
get you girl back home . stop with the desire for respect in the way of yes sir no sir and instead help her to see that you deserve respect for your efforts to help her.
you should at this point be seeking the help of at least some medical doctor. let the doctor rule out a great long list of possible causes for the problems . he will be looking at the stress and possible mental illness but may hit on the drug problems too.
at any rate it is your job to finish parenting this child not to toss her out on the street. bring her back calm down talk openly with her. you may find she is smoking pot or taking other street drugs dont freak out yelling at her for that is stupid instead seek to find out why she would turn to self medication which is often the reason a person such as her would go from all A's to failing and from the pleasent daughter to a troubled girl .
you see what i am saying you have a job to do . the job is not to yell . the job is to help she may not know what the cause of her troubles is and as such will need some medical help to find out . please let this all sink in and do what i am saying .
all too often a situation like this turns into a missing girl and then a girl found dead. think about it.
help the girl and forget about your need to feel respected . you can have that later . right now deal with the crisis. lord knows if you do this now she will more then likely be around to deal with your old age related problems and that is a big blessing.

Answer 7

I'm so sorry you having problems with your daughter. It is not so easy, I know. They having some bad friends and thinking everything what they say and do this is right, and everything what mom say is not right. You need to take a time and talk to her, and also listen to her. You and her need to set some rules and respect each other and write it down what to do, what she needs to do. Like school: She can't miss that, so what is in the future? Also set up some apt. with the school she need to be there too. If you can't handle that, you need to get some help for both. Don't put her in a boot camps. I don't like places like that. Good luck for both, don't give up.

Answer 8

Sometimes teen girls act out against the person nearest to them, even if that person is not the cause of the trouble. It could be that there are things going on with her that you don't know about, teen girls are very good at hiding things, and because she can't resolve the problem herself she is acting out. You have kicked her out and maybe some time apart will help but don't let her go. She may not like it but try to get her to go to counselling with or without you. Take her the doctor maybe he/she help but don't give up. If you give up on her she will give up on herself and things will get worse for her not better.

Answer 9

contact the school, you can get the truency office included. Also contact social services, they can get her counceling, or a group home. She needs direction right now, not to be turned loose. I understand you were at you wits end, but go get her and force her to come home, bring a cop if you have to. She needs to learn you are the boss not her. Contact the show supernanny, sounds like you could use a professionals help.

Answer 10

My sister and I both pulled this on my mom. I did this when I was around 16....I ended up getting sent away!! My mom sent me to the Philippines for a couple of months. My family up there live where there is no electricity, no running water, nothing...it was horrible coming from my "spoiled" life. Needless to say, that helped me straighten up.

My little sister started this around 14, my mom kept her in took the door off her bed room, took tv, comp, everything away! So she ran away...my mom sent her to Maui to live with our grandma who is very very strict. She is still up there and doing so much better.....