How would you feel about spanking??

Question

I have 3 kids and another on the way. Our rule for spankings is if what they are doing will HURT them they get a spanking.. I.E. running in the street, jumping on the bed, etc. Well on Saturday hubby and I had to go to the hospital and his father and step mom took our kids. My son (4) was acting up and wouldn't walk over to his grandpa. They were indoors and he was sitting on the couch. So.. my father in law spanked him. I am pissed!!!! How would you feel? and Yes his dad knows how we discipline our kids since they live across the street from us. Thanks

Actually.. hubby was physically abused as a kid and he is still not ok with it. So.. no hubby didnt fare so well with the discipline he got!

Hubby was abused by his mom but his mom tells a different story.

Answer 1

I agree with you spanking is something that should only be done by parents not grandparents or aunts or uncles even. Its a harsher punishment that needs to consistent and only used within the boundaries you decide on and no one else besides the parents can fully determine decide that. So i think you have a right to be upset. I also think you should calm down and do realize that it was grandpa and not a babysitter or something so at least you do know one thing the spanking was done out of love still not acceptable but at least it was grandparents and not just some babysitter or something.

I would talk calmly to your in laws and tell them that you only spank for dangerous situations and would appreciate if that they would respect that, suggest what they should do instead of spanking in in situations that not listening is involved or other circumstances. Tell them that you understand that your son was in the wrong however that isn't how you would appreciate they would handle things and not to do that in the future and will talk to your son about listening and respecting his elders.

Answer 2

From everything you are saying I gather that you don't believe your father in law to be an abuser...which is why you felt comfortable leaving your child with him. I also gather that you are very sensitive about spanking for any reason outside your specific guidelines that you claim they absolutely know front to back...so given that info....

Now that you know this is how your father in law disciplines relative children misbehaving in their home you have the decision not to leave your children there anymore. It is their home, older people have less patience and a different view of discipline than the younger generation and you are not ever going to change that view.
You COULD wait until you are calm and talk with them about it and see if they would be willing to only spank under the circumstances that they might injure themselves or others. Wait until you can do this CALMLY. They may take the stance that in their home they do not tolerate disrespect and that is how they will discipline under those circumstances.
Then you have the option of saying that because this is foreign to your kids you need to wait until you are sure that they are old enough to understand the two different disciplining techniques before you would feel comfortable leaving them here again...because it is important for a child to understand their punishment.

Or you can leave them with someone else.

We were ALWAYS spanked if we were being very, very disrespectful...Guess how often we were disrespectful? Almost never. Time out and grounding were secretly snickered at between my sister and I in our home.

If you don't think your father in law really beat him, just a spanking...you and your husband are probably reacting because of your husbands prior abuse (please accept my horrified condolences).

Answer 3

I'd be mad too. Not walking over to grandpa is certainly not a situation where he might have hurt himself, and grandpa's decision to spank for that certainly does not mesh with your discipline choices. It may be that they don't understand the line that you have drawn regarding when spanking is acceptable or not, and you should probably have a talk with them about it. If they will not follow your wishes, you probably should not have them watch your kids anymore.

FWIW, I don't think anyone has the right to spank someone else's child, regardless of the relationship, unless they have the explicit permission of the parents. That's just my opinion.

Answer 4

At first I would be pissed, but you have to remember that because of your proximity to your in-laws, they are probably a little more involved than normal. They probably feel like they have a closer relationship with the children and that the spanking is acceptable. Older folks can be tough, but if you let them know when and why you spank your kid, he will probably understand. Keep in mind that people (hopefully) discipline children because we love them and we want to keep them safe.

Answer 5

In my opinion, its not ok to spank other peoples' children, but in my culture, it is considered ok if its by close family members like grandpa and grandma, for a good reason.

I was abused as a child, and believe me, it has a psychological impact; it affected my self -esteem and I lived in fear for the longest time. I suffered from nightmares, panic attacks. I had to see a psychologist.. so, I emphatised with your hubby, because I've been there.

Answer 6

WOW, it does not matter how you and your hubby discipline, No one should ever hit your child, ever, not a relative not anyone, wow, i would be very angry, but i think you are also sending mixed messages spanking at all, you should never hit your child for any reason, do not try to justify, i have five kids and they learned not to do those dangerous things without being hit, my children are very well mannered and have Never been hit or your word spanked ever, look at how angry you are that some one else hit your child, you would have a better case if you did not do it at all, and grampa could be taking your lead, not that that makes it OK but maybe he thought since you do it that it was OK

Answer 7

If your husband was physcially abused as a child by his father, then I do not think any of your children should be left alone with your hubby's parents, period. You can't control what happens if you are gone, end of discussion. I know it was an emergency, and the logisitics of having a baby sitter 'on call' are tricky, but that is the only way I know of keeping your children from being potentially abused by their grandfather.

Answer 8

I'd be pissed also. Crap no one hits my kids. I would tell him how you feel and let him know this can't happen again. Even if they know how you discipline I don't think it's ever right for someone else to hit your kids.
There should be some sort of other methods of discipline while they are with others
Good Luck

Answer 9

did you tell them how to dicipline your children?


they proberly know you spank, and asume its ok for them to do it.


i would be anoyed to but along as he didnt do anything you wouldnt do, aslong as the spanking was reasonable by your standards i dont think any harm will come from it.

take this as a lesson and infuture tell them how you want them to discipline your kids

Answer 10

I wouldn't put up with others disciplining my child in ways opposite to mine, I would find it offensive as I am the parent. If they won't follow your rules and guidelines, then they don't get unsupervised visits.