(one of my fav poems that I have written)
Our love is like a lump of gold
hard to get and hard to hold
I do believe that God above
created you for me to love
He picked you out from all the rest
cause he knew I loved you best
If Im in heaven and your not there
I'll wait for you on the golden stair
If your not there on judgment day
I know you'v gone the other way
So I'll return my harms and other things
to go to HELL to be with you...
2007-05-11 04:41:49 · 21 answers · asked by G?ld?n ang?l 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
ur love is eternal his internal,
ur life is divine his supine
u love him 4 what he is
he loves u but alas.
ur not there 4 him
so if u want to be together
never think of hell
or heaven
its all on this earth that u can get
what ever u want its now or never
2007-05-11 04:47:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's fine. The meter and rhyme are consistent. I don't like "lump" when describing love; it's a rather gross word.
Speck? piece? I dunno, get out a thesaurus.
Second, I get the idea from the last four lines, but "I'll go to hell for you" isn't really romantic. And "returning harms and other things" (which messes up the meter) doesn't make sense. Perhaps "surrendering paradise with the Creator" to be in the paradise of your presence forever...
(Not saying those are the exact words, but that's the idea).
2007-05-11 11:48:45 · answer #2 · answered by Perdendosi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nice but would you really?
I think I'll choose God in Heaven over a man in Hell any day.
My rating would be an 8.
2007-05-11 11:47:12 · answer #3 · answered by Unique 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It kind of dies at the end. (no pun intended). Actually from a literature point of view, its not good. There are no qualities of real poetry here, just words that happen to rhyme. You should rewrite it and focus on alliteration, assonance, style of poetry writing. Make it more vivid - its kind of like a hallmark card rather than real poetry.
2007-05-11 11:51:12 · answer #4 · answered by Bitzer Maloney 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Rate as 5 Beginning and end should be changed for better words
2007-05-11 11:45:31 · answer #5 · answered by pfl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'll reply with a poem too...
My love for you is like a truck, Berserker
Would you like some making f*ck, Berserker
My love for you is like a rock, Berserker
The Berserker is just so obscene
Likes evil people you know what I mean
He takes your soul and then just rips you apart
He'll steal your heart
Would you like to smoke some pot, Berserker
My love for you is ticking clock, Berserker
Would you like to suck my c*ck, Berserker
Would you like some making f*ck, Berserker
2007-05-11 12:45:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Its a nice poem! I write poetry also. I dont know what to rate it but your a great poet.
2007-05-11 11:53:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are so sweet 10 from 10
2007-05-11 13:38:47 · answer #8 · answered by micho 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its a good poem but a little scary at the end. but beautiful
2007-05-11 11:57:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really liked it until the end.
2007-05-11 11:45:14 · answer #10 · answered by Luv2RIDE 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋