last name...?

Question

i just found out im pregnant... the father of the baby, well we've been friends since i was like 13, im 20 now... and... ive never really seen him any other way besides my good guy friend... well..we both went out, got a little too tipsy and now.. im pregnant.. -- heres my question... i dont really want my baby to have his last name... we arent going to be together... i dont want a relationship just because im having his kid... no.. im glad he wants to man up and be the dad.. and take care of his share.. but he wants to do more than i want him to do.. and i know that i should appreciate it.. but it justs uncomfortable for me... i dont know what to do... any advice from anyone would help... Thanks!!!!..

Answer 1

the baby can have whatever name you give him/her

Answer 2

Your actions have consequences, as I am sure you have learned. It is about this child, not you, and not what makes you the most comfortable. Just because the child might have his father's last name, does not mean that you have to marry him, be his girlfriend or have anything other than a plutonic relationship with this man. If you do not want to be anything more than his friend from now on, then just say so. But be thankful he wants to be involved. Encourage him to be involved. Let him help. Let him help any way he is willing and can. You should be happy about the fact that he wants to be there for the baby!! I promise you, that is not always the case, and there are too many deadbeat dads and moms for that matter in the world, be glad he does not fall into that category. You will realize how helpful it can be for him to be there once the baby is born. At this point, how you managed to make such a bad decision is moot. Worry about what is best for the child, and next time you feel the urge to get a little too tipsy, buy a huge box of condoms first! As for the last name...you could hyphenate and use both last names. Personally, were it me, and it has been me in the past, I'd give the child his father's last name. but then again, I am old fashioned in my thinking about some things. Maybe you could use your last name for the middle name, and use his last name, or hyphenate, or if you just cannot stomach the child having his last name, then use his last name as the middle name. But don't discourage him in wanting to be there for you and the baby by refusing to let him have any hand in the naming process. You would most likely live to regret that. Good luck.

Answer 3

I think you need to evaulate why you don't want the baby to have the father's last name. What significance do you think it holds? Just because the baby has the last name of the father doesn't indicate that you have to be in a relationship with his man, or that you are married or connected in any other way than sharing a child.
I think it has a greater significance for the child. It may hold some stigma for a child to keep it's mother last name, as it pretty much highlights they were conceived out of wedlock or might suggest conceived under bad circumstances.
Yes, this all sounds very old fashioned, but the tradition of taking a last name IS an old fashioned tradition.

Answer 4

Give him the Father's last name. Be thankful for your situation, this is just a consequence (the name confusion, not the baby of course) or your actions. You probably should have thought of that before hand. If he wants to defy being a dead beat Dad - that's great. You just have to get used to this new "situation" that you are in - give it some time, it will work itself out.

Ultimately, its what you want in the end. Ask him and see if he minds if the baby has your last name, if he doesn't then - there you go.

Good luck.

Answer 5

I think you can use both last names. im not sure, I could be wrong but I think you can put whatever you want on a birth certificate example (Ryan Smith,Jones) as far as the father is concerned, just keep a good relationship with him. 7 years is a long time to have a friendship and who knows, there may be something there that you cant see right now. The best marrages started out as friendships. There must be something there, drunk or not, I wouldnt have sex with someone that I diddnt have some feelings for. good luck to you, your friend and your baby.

Answer 6

You need to just sit down with this guy and talk to him. Tell him how you are feeling if he's really your friend he will understand. He might be mad at first but he will come around. Make sure you tell him though that you want him to be a part of the babies life but you aren't planning on anything further than him just playing an active role as father.

You can't deny him parental rights but you can tell him nothing more than that and nothing between the two of you.

You need to step up to the plate and be responsible for your actions and start being mature about it.

Answer 7

Wow thats is a difficult one.
You may not feel it now but you are very fortunate that he wants to be a father to the child. you may be feeling like you want to do it on your own but in the long run i think you will grow to appreciate him being there. If he is your best friend
i am sure yall will overcome any differences you have in how the child is raised just like a "real" couple would have to do.
If he is a decent guy i think it will only benefit the baby by him being there. two loving parents cant be a bad thing.
as far as the name I am not sure every state is prolly different
i am sure though as it progresses it will become less uncomfortable

Answer 8

There is no need to give the child his last name, it does however depends on in which country you live what his and your rights are towards his parental rights. You could contact a local solicitor and have a chat there. Where I live (UK) and come from (NL) the first half our is usually free and you can really ask a lot of questions in 30 minutes. So it really depends on where you live and what the legal situation is. When it comes to the USA, as is my guess, than I have a website for you with some info, not fully what you want though.

Answer 9

It's going to be completely your choice on what to name your child . . but having been in the same situation. . I gave our son my last name. That child was in my body for 9 months, I am and was not married to his father, I knew I would be the predominant parent in our sons life and so I chose to give him my last name. Why should I give our child his fathers last name? There just wasn't any reason for it. Plus his Dad knows that legally he can add his last name to our sons name at any time (but he can't change it and remove my last name). The only issue with this is that you need to be prepared for what you're going to do if you ever get married . . would you change your last name at that point making your child the only one (out of you, the child and the father) with your maiden name? If so then I don't think that's fair. His fathers last name is never going to change now you just need to decide if yours will. If it's that important for you to give your child your last name then you need to be prepared. **Good luck!

Answer 10

It is the choice of the mother what the child is named. You don't have to give your baby the dad's last name.

Answer 11

What I really am confused on is why did you get pregnant? When I was younger, I went out MANY times and got a "little too tipsy" and I managed to NEVER get pregnant. And it doesn't matter if you're uncomfortable with him doing stuff for the kid, because IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU ANYMORE. Do you get that?