2007-05-11 04:19:25 · 17 answers · asked by flowerwife 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
set some boundaries for yourself...
don't let people walk all over you.
IGNORE your mother in law... don't expose yourself to her if you don't have to.
take care of YOU. hugz
2007-05-11 04:37:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you can get rid of her - she is your family, like it or not. Have you talked to your husband about it in a calm conversation? He has loyalties to you and to his mother, so try not to make him take sides, even if you are struggling. Maybe mother-in-law is a bit insecure and feels left out and part of it is because of her love for her son (even though it doesn't excuse it, it might explain where she is coming from). Your attitude of getting rid of her is a bit mean and selfish given she is hubbie's mother. Try to be a bit more patient and tolerant. Mean, rude and selfish does not sound the same as sabotaging, unbalanced and dangerous. She is also going to be the grandmother if you have kids, and they would deserve a grandma, don't forget that either. Maybe you can talk to her about how you don't like the not so good relationship you have, and want to get along better, and see if you can start over. Try not to react so much as if she feels like you are attacking her, she is going to get defensive (and maybe this is happening to you too). Good luck.
2007-05-11 04:35:16 · answer #2 · answered by Max 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first thing you need to find out is how your husband feels about her ways and if he sees the need to do something. Nothing you do will change things until he wants them to change. If he is with you on this then you can work out a plan to get her to see she is causing problems with her son. She already sees you as the enemy and would only try to split you and her son up, if she isn't doing that already. If he cannot stand up to her you will have to work on him and help him see that his relationship with her is not good. There is also marriage counseling to try and help you and your husband deal with his mother.
If he doesn't see anything wrong with the way she acts or treats you you can try to explain your feelings, but chances are he won't understand and you will eventually find she is causing an irreparable rift between you and you will probably end up divorced.
Good luck.
2007-05-11 04:37:59 · answer #3 · answered by eviej 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't spend a lot of time with her. However, you should still be respectful and polite unless she is evil or hurtful. But simply being rude is no reason for you to be also. I find it funny that women get married and then think they are going to 'change' their husbands....the mother-son ties are not always easy to break, so it might be in your best interests to learn how to cope with it....plus, it's not very fair to your husband either, it's putting him in the middle of two women he loves.
2007-05-11 04:33:03 · answer #4 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
why would it be rude or selfish when she is not your mother. Who says its rude and selfish? You can come up with another endearing name other than mom. Or just call her mama and her last name.. like MamaJones, MamaShultz, MamaCarter, you get the point.. if not just ask her what she would like you to call her besides mom.
2016-05-20 04:52:56 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried being honest with her and telling her how she's acting, and how it makes you feel?
You could just not be around her, too. I don't think it would be good to insist that your husband cut ties with her, unless that's his choice, but just you choose not to go visit her and go to events when she's there. Don't invite her to your home. Talk with your husband about all of this though, in a calm manner. Let you know you love him, but don't want to be around his mother when she acts that way.
2007-05-11 04:33:55 · answer #6 · answered by dukefan86 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU REALLY CAN'T GET RID OF HER AND YOU
SHOULDN'T SAY IT THAT WAY EVEN THOUGH
YOU DON'T MEAN IT THAT WAY. THE BEST
THING I THINK YOU SHOULD DO IS JUST AVOID
HER AT ALL POSSIBLE. I KNOW IT WILL BE HARD
BUT I THINK IT WILL WORK. AND AS FOR HER
BEING RUDE AND WHAT NOT I THINK YOU
SHOULD CARRY YOURSELF AT A HIGHER
STANDARD. ACT YOUR AGE AND NOT LET HER
BOTHER YOU..... YOU CAN PULL THIS OFF.....
GOOD LUCK !!!!!!!!!! REMEMBER YOU ARE
MARRIED TO HER SON AND NOT HER........
2007-05-11 04:41:44 · answer #7 · answered by Rosemary M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask your husband to help. If he understands your point of view, he can side up with you. That way, if you act as a team. things will be easier to tackle.
He should be the one to talk to his mother and see that what she says or does is affecting his marriage.
2007-05-11 04:25:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
confront her with her behavior and demand that she take ownership and responsibility for it and expect an apology. I did this with my MIL and basically she ran screaming from the hills. They want you to be hurt and react - so don't give her the satisfaction. But make it clear that if she doesn't change, then you will not put out any effort for her.
2007-05-11 04:31:24 · answer #9 · answered by NONAME 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just ignore her try not to see her don't answer her calls tell her you don't like her and don't want her around. but that would be hard especially if you want to have kids then she's gonna wanna see them so divorce would be the best thing but if you have no problems with your husband don't let her come between you and your man just ignore her ***.
2007-05-11 04:32:33 · answer #10 · answered by Ethan's Mama 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋