DUMB BLONDE JOKES may the best win?

Question

I am a blonde, but I LOVE dumb blonde jokes. Please feed my addiction. Who ever has the best wins 10 pionts! Please keep them clean though!

Answer 1

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have got a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box it's a tiger."
He decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in, and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble all of these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."

He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax."
Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then ....." He sighed ..
"Let's put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box."

Answer 2

Q. whats the version between a blond and a mosquito? A. A mosquito stops sucking after united statesa. it . Q. How Can U tell if a blond is a physically powerful prepare dinner? A. See if she would manage to take a pop tart out of a toaster in a single piece. Q.Did U hear related to the blond boy who theory he had a twin? A. He regarded in the replicate and observed himself. Q. Why did the blond woman smile for the duration of a lightning hurricane? A. She theory she replaced into getting her photograph take. Q. How do U kill a blond? A. positioned a scratch sniff sicker on the backside of the pool. Q. What do U call a blond at a school? A. A targeted visitor Q. What did the blond mom say 2 her blond daughter till now her huge date? A. If U're not in mattress by way of twelve come abode. Q. What did the midget say to the blond prostitute? A. sniff sniff sniff Your hair smells stable ( Tuna) ok i think of it is stable for now. maximum of those are previous college lol.

Answer 3

A blonde walked into a gas station and said to the manager, ''I locked my keys in my car. Do you have a coat hanger or something I can stick through the window to unlock the door?''
''Why sure,'' said the manager, ''we have something that works especially well for that.''

A couple minutes later, the manager walked outside to see how the blonde was doing and he heard another voice. ''No, no! A little to the left,'' said the other blonde inside the car.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
Not All Blondes Are Dumb

Two bored casino dealers were waiting at the craps tables for players when a gorgeous blonde lady walked in and asked if they minded if she bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She said, ''I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely naked.'' With that, she stripped off all her clothes and then rolled the dice while yelling ''Come on baby, momma needs new clothes!'' She then jumped up and down, hugging each of the casino dealers while yelling ''YES, I WIN! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, I WIN!!'' With that, she picked up her winnings and clothes and quickly left.
The dealers stood there staring at each other dumbfounded, until one finally asked the other, ''What the hell did she roll anyway?'' The second dealer answered, ''I thought you were paying attention!''

Answer 4

BLONDE LOGIC
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida?????"

CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."

AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed;
likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?
"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."

KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"

IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"

Answer 5

A Blonde woman went to the automobile spare parts shop and asked for a spare part. The sales man asked her, "can u tell me the name of the part?" "Oh yes" she replied and said the part no is 7I0. The sales man could not identify the part even after going thru all the parts catalogs. She went back and brought the part to show it to the sales man and she said "this is the part with no. 7I0. Sales man just turned it upside down and realized it was the cap written "0IL".

Answer 6

A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she couldn't find it, so she asked a police officer for directions, "Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?"

The officer replied, "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It'll take you right there." She thanked the officer and he drives off.

Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and, sure enough, the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop. The officer got out of his car and said, "Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus. That was three hours ago. Why are you still waiting?"

The blonde replied, "Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now. The 45th bus just went by!"

Answer 7

A blonde was flying to Detroit in econemy, and saw an open seat in first class so she sat there. The flight ateendent told her you can't sit there. The blonde replied,"I'm blond, beautiful, and going to Detroit in first class. So the flight attendant called the co-pilot, the same thing happened. Finally they called the pilot, the pilot said my wife is a blonde so i know blond talk, and he whispered something in the blonde's ear, immediatley she left and sat in econemy. The were all amazed and asked, "What did u say?" He replied," I told her first class isn't going to detroit."

Answer 8

She was so Blonde.....

- she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate"
- she put lipsick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind
- she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DONT WALK"
- she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order
- she sat on the tv and watched the couch
- she sent me a fax with a stamp on it
- she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept
- at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here".. she put "Sagittarius"
- it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes
- if she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless
- she studied for a blood test - and failed
- when she saw the "NC-17" (under 17 not admitted), she went home and got 16 friends
- when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home,so she moved
- when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home

Answer 9

A blond comes home to find her house on fire. She pulls out her cell phone and calls 9-1-1. The dispatcher says, "I'm sorry, but you're location doesn't show up on the computer. How do the firemen get to your house?" The blond replies, "Duh! With the big, red firetruck!"

Answer 10

a blonde went into a salon with earphones on and her cd player and she told the sytlist to cut her hair, the stylist replied that she needed to take off the blonde's earphones, the blonde quickly objected and shot her hands up to her ears to protect them and show the stylist that she didnt want to remove them. so the stylist said ok, and began cutting, the blonde fell asleep and the stylist seized the opportunity to remove the earphones, the blonde immediately stopped breathing and turned purple. the stylist frightened placed the earphones back on the blondes ears and the blonde resumed breathing. the earphones were saying over and over again, "breathe in, breathe out"

a blonde went to a garage sale and told the sale lady she wanted to buy this tv, the lady said she wasnt going to sell her the tv because she was blonde, the blonde was furious about this reply and insult about blondes that she went home and changed into a middle east woman, the blonde returned and told the lady she wanted to buy the tv, the lady said no because she didnt want to sell to blondes, the blonde was mad again and went home to dress up like an asian woman, she returned back to the garage sale and wanted to buy the tv and the lady still said she didnt want to sell to a blonde, the blonde became outraged and yelled at the lady "ive disguised myself two different times! how do you know that im a blonde everytime!?!" the lady replied, "because that tv you want, its not a tv its a microwave"