should i take kids to funeral?

Question

a close family friends funeral is coming up i have a four year old and a 23 month old do you think they should go or not?

Answer 1

I would say they are too young, but in the end it's whatever you feel is best.

Answer 2

And why shouldn't you?

Death is not a pleasant event but it is someting we all will come across in our lives. Your children can benefit from going to a funeral. Not only they will learn about death, they will also learn about their culture - what "rituals" our society perform when someone dies (ie - how we dress, what service is performed, family gathering, how each person is expected to behave at the funeral, attending a wake (in some places), etc) How the whole family handle their attendance and their questions and help them to understand the loss in the family is the important thing.

I agree with others about NOT taking them only on the basis that they might get bored or get restless and misbehave

But if you don't take them, at what age do you think they should start going?

Answer 3

It's really a personal decision, some parents take their children to funerals, others don't.

I have read responses like "No, it's too distracting..." Well... the distraction may be something that is a good thing. My son, 2 1/2 at the time, went with us to my grandmother's funeral. Why shouldn't he go? He's part of the family, he was a great-grandson to her. He loved her, she loved him. Having him at the funeral brought some comic relief, and everyone told me and my husband that they were so happy to have him there. They THANKED us for bringing him.

Children can be a positive distraction at a funeral, it's welcome to many people.

Answer 4

Only you yourself know this answer. Do the children know the friend has died? Do they have any concept at all about death? When my Gran died I only took my son who was 3 months old and being breast fed. The girls stayed at home with friends, bearing in mind this was their great-gran who had died. They were aged 4 and 2 at the time. They were asked simple questions about the notion of death etc. We felt it was not the right time for them to go. They knew they would not see her again, but did not understand the concept of a funeral as a place to say goodbye. They had already done it as far as they were concerned. She had gone to a better place and had no more aches and pains, as my eldest put it "I can talk to her in my prayers, I don't need to go with a gang"
Hope this helps, my children are now aged 24,22,20 and 16 and fully understand about death .

Answer 5

I think you should get a sitter, the 4 year old may not understand, ask questions, etc, and this should be a time of peace for the family, no interruptions. The 23 month old as well.

Answer 6

They would probably be fine as long as they can sit for an hour or so with toys/books to entertain themselves. I had no choice but to take my 10 month old to my grandmother's funeral and she did just fine - I got up and stood in the back most of the time. But there were LOTS of babies and small kids there.

Answer 7

No, kids don't really go to funerals like that at their young age - I never take my 2 year old and I never see any kids at funerals - get a baby sitter!

Sophia

Answer 8

I have taken both of my children to funerals for close family members. Even though they caused minor disruptions, everyone actually commented on how well behaved they were. As long as you can keep them reasonably under control they should be fine. And you need to sit in the back in case they do get disruptive.

Answer 9

no. not if it is a family friend that they did not know well. Even if it is the kids are too young. I took my 8 yr old to my grandfather's funeral becasue they were close but still it proved traumatic for him.

Answer 10

Yes and no, the older child may be old enough to understand the concept of loss but may not have any empathy. If you think people will be showing excessive emotional loss this may upset the older child who may not have seen adults showing raw emotion previously. The younger child may cause a distraction and will be unable to contribute. Whilst people like to see children at functions even wakes, the child will have no idea of the ceremony and ritual.

Answer 11

I would say not. They are too young to understand what's happening. Also a funeral is a time when people are upset and sometimes crying. This could upset your children to see adults crying. People like time to grieve and they won't want to hear kids getting unsettled at the back of a church. Better to leave them with a friend.