I love poetry, it's true. I would love feedback and opinions. I hope to write a book one day....far away....
"Afraid"
I’ve always been a little shy
Unable to explain the why.
Too unsure of myself to speak
Every day is a little more bleak.
Confined to my mind,
I know it’s not kind.
I’ve never let anyone else in,
I never let the fight within
Me show itself to the light
Until I felt the time was right.
Shedding my curtain of sorrow
I prepare to wait for a better tomorrow.
I never gave myself a chance
I only ever gave myself a glance
To know I was not anything near
What I wanted to be.
But now I see
I should really be me.
It’s time to not be afraid
It’s time to begin my new crusade.
2007-05-10 19:12:54 · 5 answers · asked by devilishangelgirl10 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
Thanks for the critique so far, I'll keep it in mind and use it.
2007-05-10 19:27:56 · update #1
semantics:
Sweet to hear
trite to ear.
Alas. . . .
Form and content ought united exist
style and message intertwined subsist.
For poetry's not mere rhyme
not mere best you chyme.
For. . . what meaning
"it" be these "it's" be rhyming:
Confined to my mind,
I know it’s not kind
YET
It’s time to not be afraid
It’s time to begin my new crusade
2007-05-10 23:36:40 · answer #1 · answered by ari-pup 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that's a nice poem! :)
you know i would like to say something about it..
"unable to explain the why"
'the why' is not fitting in correctly...if you could use only 'why' ?
I never let the fight within
Me show itself to the light
i think Me shouldnot have a capital letter M...if you could make it a small letter...then it becomes the continuation of the previous line...otherwise...many readers would read as a separate line...and by the time they would realise it is a continuation, the 'reading flow' would be broken.
they are just my opinions...otherwise i think your poem is good :)
2007-05-10 19:24:56 · answer #2 · answered by *~Hope~* 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow, what a nice poem!!!!
you know how to write poems!!! you can write a book, that's a beautiful thing to do, good luck.....
2007-05-10 23:03:29 · answer #3 · answered by pearls & lace 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
go on girl.write it all down and u can start with ur book now.
2007-05-10 19:22:50 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
nice poem
I have starred this question...
Have fun
2007-05-11 04:55:53 · answer #5 · answered by *Ash* 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋