need help. please help me.?

Question

hi. well you see my problem is that, well i feel guilty. i lost my virginity to an a**. well that was like 10 months ago and im not with him anymore. he left me. well my mom keeps asking me if i am still a virgin and i say yes. but i feel bad. but i dont wanna tell her that i am becuase i know i will hurt her feelings. we have barely turned Christian about 3 months ago and i feel like i will be rejected if i tell them that i am not. you see they {her and my dad} are now more religous and i think that she will bare to hear that. but everytime she asked i feel bad to tell her the truth.

Answer 1

My opinion is you don't have to tell your mom you lost your virginity. What you did is your business and if the guy was an a** and you aren't even with him anymore then you're better off now. You can't change what you did in the past so there's no sense in telling your parents. It would just make things difficult between you and your parents and you don't want to hurt your mom's feelings. It's wonderful that you are concerned for her feelings and I would keep it that way. Keep your past sex life to yourself.

Answer 2

Excuse me, but you're problem is not that you feel guilty. If you feel guilty when you lie to your mother, then you must believe that lying is wrong, and that you are doing something wrong when you lie to her. The solution is to stop lying.

You don't want to tell her the truth because you are afraid of the possible consequences. That is why everyone lies. By lying, you are putting emotional distance between yourself and your parents and the consequences of this will be worse than telling the truth.

Telling the truth and accepting the consequences is the only way to restore emotional closeness in your relationship with your parents or in any relationship. The sooner you learn this life lesson, the better it will be for you.

I suspect that your parents reaction when you tell them the truth will not be as bad as you suspect.

By the way, unless this guy raped you, whether he is an a** or not is irrelevant to you no longer being a virgin. He could have been the greatest guy in the world and you would still no longer be a virgin because you decided to have sex with him.

I mention this because if you want to wait until you get married before you have sex again, it is your responsibility to say NO when someone asks you.

If you are from India, maybe Vikilion is correct and his advice may be better than mine.

Answer 3

Well, if your parents turned Christian, as you said, and they weren't before, that probably makes them some sort of born-again type. I'd be very careful taking about sex with them. The Christian right, if thats what they are, are very fearful of sex, and you can expect some pretty severe consequences.

To me, it sounds like you personally have no issue with what you did, its just keeping secrets that's the problem. Maybe telling your parents is the only option, though, as I said above, I would really try to avoid that. Try to reconcile guilt within yourself first. If you're religiously inclined, go to confession. I know catholic churches have private, anonymous confession almost every week - no shouting your sins in front of the congregation required.

If that's not your thing, try to make yourself perform..well, I hesitate to say penance, because you haven't really done anything wrong, but thats the idea I'm trying to get at. Do something you don't like to do. Help your parents around the house, talk to the uncool kid at school, just do something good to offset this thing you're at least subconsciously perceiving as 'bad'.

What I'm trying and utterly failing to say is that, if you personally put this thing behind you, then most of the guilt you feel should dissipate. You have to realize that you're, and all of us are definitely going to make so dumb decisions in our time, and we need to be able to forget the bad, remember the lesson that came out of it, and just move on.After all, it was ten months ago. I can barely remember all the poor decisions I made last week, much less almost a year ago. Hope that helps.

Last note: If you feel that this has significantly affected you mentally i.e., you're severely depressed, anxious, etc, TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR. If nothing else, he'll dissuade you of the idea that viginity is some big deal.

Answer 4

If you are not comfortable telling your mom the truth, dont. I know alot of people will not agree with me, but some parents simply cannot handle there child making the decision to procreate before marraige. In this day, most young girls do lose there virginity young and Im not saying I approve, but this doesnt make you a bad person. Just learn from your mistakes, dont have frivolous sex make sure it means something to you, because there are so many things that can happen to you, besides getting your heart broken(isnt that enough). I never told my mom, she would have been nonunderstanding, and I really didnt want to deal with that in our relationship. I however think that if you know your mother will love you no matter, and she really wants to know to be able to help you be safe, then you should talk to her, it might strenghthen your relationship with her. She is your mom after all, I think she has your best interest at heart.

Answer 5

If she keeps asking then that must be a sign that she knows you are not being honest about it. If you are now Christian then don't you think you should be honest? It was 10 months ago and you have been forgiven, right? Of course it will be hard for your Mom to take but what a relief it will be for the both of you when you are honest! Good Luck!

Answer 6

I went through the same thing. I just sit my Nannie(my guardian) down and told her. Yes, it was painful for her to hear and she was disappointed in me, but I felt so much better afterwards. I was very scared to tell her. I thought she would disown me. But guess what!?!? She still loved me and of course she gave me a long lecture. It is my biggest regret. I wish I would have waited until marriage. On the other hand, if you want to spare her feelings, that is up to you. After I told my Nannie, it took me a while to regain her trust. But it is something that happens and a problem many teens face. You are not alone!

Answer 7

i presume to be u r an Indian, in India we do not take loosing virginity a very light mater, and moreover mothers cannot accept this however broad mind they are. its enough u have felt guilty and asked pardon from god. no mother will like to know their daughter has lost virginity.
i would suggest u not to reveal this mater to anyone, even to u r closest friend or aunt or u r parents, just forget it as a bad dream and look life ahead of u, good luck

Answer 8

if you truly are christians, then you need to first forgive yourself, and your mother will also forgive you, the fact that she keeps asking makes me wonder if she does not already know and wants you to tell her the truth, i think it would hurt her more that you are not sharing with her and asking her to help you get over this guy, you need your mom right now and she needs you to be honest, a mother can tell and i would be willing to bet she is hurting a lot for you right now and feeling she has failed you because you do not trust her enough to talk to her, go to your mom, it will help you both feel better

Answer 9

You know...I did the same thing. I hid it from my mom whom kept asking me about it as well...
A year later, she found birth control pills, oups! left them in the night stand by accident. I swear, if I could go back in time, I would have told her right away about it. My mom didn't talk to me for months.
Trust me, tell her, you'll feel better...and in the long run, everything will be better.
It seems as if you are afraid of her, sounds like my story, my mom can be sooooooo scary!!! but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do, and this time, you have to tell her.
Good luck!!

Answer 10

Now is the time.If you can not forgive then you cannot get into heaven. They are your parents it is their job to be there for you. You might not have lost your virginity if you would've had some trust within your relationship with your parents. you will feel a lot better once you get it out. Just pray for strength and forgiveness. Good Luck.......If you cant talk to you parents PLEASE find an aunt or another older adult to confide in for guidance. And take care of yourself because no one else will do it for you.